Dance on the lake

Photo by Casey Horner on UnSplash


"Where are you taking me, Jonathan?" Asked Anne pursing her lips. "It's already very dark in the woods and Dad will be very angry."

"I know! That's why we must hurry as soon as possible. What I'm going to show you is a secret, you can't tell anyone in the village. I just want you to see it and be as impressed as I was.

Anne looked at her older brother doubtfully, at first she thought this was just an escape to evade her father's ill-treatment, but later she realized it was about something more.

They stopped behind a bush in front of a lake. Anne kept looking at her brother's face; it seemed to shimmer like the surface of the water reflecting the light.

"What are we doing here?" She asked scratching her head.

"Just wait and see."

Suddenly, several white lights descended to the surface of the lake. Their beams coiled around each other making magnificent figures that dissolved into the air. Then they turned into women; they were beautiful, slender women with long, straight black hair, and their bodies glowed a yellow-white hue.

They wore beautiful dresses; they looked light, with wavy embroidery and diamond-like crystal inlays. Every time they moved, they left a string of white dust falling on the water, and on the surface of the lake, they began to dance.

It was a beautiful dance, the beings emitted different colors each time they gracefully waved their arms and legs, and their dresses changed hue as they spun more vigorously.

Anne was impressed but at the same time fascinated by what her eyes were seeing. It was like a magical theatrical performance full of magnificent nuances.

Suddenly, the women turned back into spheres of light and ascended into the sky, leaving the lake inert and free of color.

As the brothers walked home, Anne took Jonathan by the arm and stopped him.

"Do you do it every night?" She asked him.

"Yes, legend says they dance to praise the night," Jonathan replied with a smile.

"Why doesn't anyone else know about it?"

"Because to people it's just a myth; a legend that isn't true. That's why you must keep it a secret, some people don't marvel at the extraordinary and that's a real shame," he finished his sentence by winking at his sister.

Anne nodded and they returned home where their father was waiting for them both with a serious face.

"Did you bring the water?" He asked them both, fixing his face on Jonathan.

"Yes, Father," Jonathan replied, setting a bucket down in front of him. Father's eyes turned withering.

"I told you to bring two buckets!" He shouted angrily and slapped his son's face. Anne covered her eyes in fright to avoid seeing the blow.

"Why don't you ever listen to me, do you despise me as your mother did?" he screamed mercilessly, as Jonathan was held down by him enduring the foul smell of his liquor breath.

"Anne, go to your room, right now!" Father shouted to his daughter, and she immediately picked up her dress in fright and did as he asked.

She lay on the bed crying. She didn't like her father mistreating her brother. He was a drunk who was abandoned by Anne's mother, who left them at the mercy of that hate-filled monster. Anne looked out the window with tear-stained cheeks and made a wish. She longed to get away from there; with her brother if possible. To start a life together without being stalked by any danger.

After a while, the screaming stopped and only the serenity of the night could be heard, and it was there that Anne was able to fall asleep.

When evening came each day, Anne would accompany her brother to watch the show on the lake. Each event was wonderful, so much better than the last. Both of their hearts rang like two church bells, but one night, they did not appear; not the night after that, nor the night after that.

Both were disappointed and looked at each other's faces sad and shrugged their shoulders.

One afternoon, as Anne was returning from town after shopping, she found the door of her house open. Upon entering, she found her father slumped over the table choking with tears. She tried to comfort him and then he spoke bitter words that broke Anne's heart.

"He's gone! He left us like your mother!" he said in an alcoholic voice. Anne couldn't believe it. She ran through the whole house screaming her brother's name, went out into the street, and looked everywhere, but it was no use.

She ran away from there as fast as she could, her first thought was to go to the lake. When she got there, she glimpsed around but her brother was nowhere to be seen. She lay down on the shore and shed tears over the water.

Why did you forsake me? she thought. I wish my wish would come true so that I could go far away from here too.

Suddenly, a glowing hand sprang from the lake and took Anne's hand. She flinched slightly and watched as her whole body glowed. Her hair began to turn dark and straight, and the clothes she wore changed shape; becoming white and shiny.

New women emerged from the lagoon and smiled, and began to dance around Anne. She also joined the dance and began to descend into the lake with them, and then praised the night forever.


THE END





0
0
0.000
10 comments
avatar

What a enchanting, bittersweet story.

I love the bond between Anne and Jonathan. Too bad their mean father loves his liquor more than them. So why did he cry after Jonathan left? I wish Jonathan had taken his sister with him. Thankfully, the women in the lake made Anne's wish come true!

Beautifully written. !LUV 😊

0
0
0.000
avatar

Thank you, it's good that you liked it. My greetings and blessings to you!

0
0
0.000
avatar

My heart melted for Anne's loneliness, but she found her home with the dancing ladies.
The ending was shocking, and I wanted Anne to have run away with her brother.

0
0
0.000
avatar

Thanks for your comment. Yeah, it was the only bad thing, but at least she found that escape she needed in the end.

0
0
0.000
avatar

This is an amazing short story! Well developed from the very begining. The fantastic element is just beautiful, a way to exity the bitter reality of the drunk father. Gratz on this writing!

!PIZZA

0
0
0.000
avatar
(Edited)

An interesting and creative take on the prompt. The scene describing the dancers on the water is indeed enchanting.

There are a couple things that might, however, jar the reader and certainly gave me cause to pause. The story is clearly about a brother and sister but then refers to...

As the brothers walked home, Anne took Jonathan by the arm and stopped him.

In order to elevate your writing, be sure to proof read and edit your work before publication so that little anomalies like this can be picked up and corrected.

There is also an apparent break in logic that is left unexplained. One might argue that, in the context of the story, the brother would never leave his sister, and yet he disappears without a trace. This element of conflict is never truly resolved and leaves us questioning whether he actually abandoned his sister or whether he fell foul of his father's abuse.

Thank you for writing in The Ink Well and for engaging with and supporting other writers.

0
0
0.000
avatar

Hello @theinkwell, your observations are very important, I had not noticed those details, I will be more attentive when reviewing my writings.

About the ending, I wanted to leave that suspense where the brother had left without a trace and then come back for his sister, but then I came up with this ending that didn't let me explain that part. Attentive

0
0
0.000