Goal Not Met

^{Photo by Chris Liverani on Unplash}

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University was the best period of my life; there I met good friends, went out to places, and learned to socialize more since I have always been very introverted. Living alone made me know to stand up for myself and solve problems. My shyness eased as the years went by, but I still found it hard to express myself.

Life in the city is hard, especially when you are a young student trying to balance your life. I had several motivations since I came to live in that apartment, but the main one was the strongest, which unfortunately I could not finish satisfying.

The main motivation

I agreed with my father that he would send me away to study if I promised to finish my degree. At that moment I was not sure; I was afraid of living outside my town and also far from my family. I was just like my mother, who also did not agree that I should leave. I didn't even have time to think about that decision, I had to take the chance or study in one of the university institutes in my town.

I didn't know what happened to me, but I accepted and asked my father to send me away. My mind was made up, but I was still afraid. I couldn't believe I agreed to that deal. I had a discord of emotions fighting inside my gut.

When I locked myself in my room, I began to tremble and cry; for terror overcame me and I knew that I would suffer anxiety from strong homesickness. But despite all that I didn't want to back out, I was determined to leave and return with a college degree. I wanted to prove to my father with our agreement that I was capable of working things out on my own, without anyone reproaching me.

The best decision of my life

After adjusting, I was grateful to my father and myself for that agreement. I have no regrets. In that city, I not only met a great University with good professors, but I also met the real world: love, passion, friendship, bonds, sex, and the best experiences I had in that period. However, not everything was rosy.

Always on your way, you get traitors, toxic, hypocrites, and sycophants; people who leave a dagger in your body and then run away not to confront you. All those things made me tough, but I was still vulnerable inside. Did I put up with a lot? Oh God only knows I did, savoring reality isn't just about knowing the good parts, you have to intrude on the nasty and dirty side of things as well, and thus come to a reflective point.

The deal was broken

Everything was going well in my student life when things started to come out that affected me mentally. First, my love life, my partner at the time had reached a level of toxicity that I couldn't stand. I was sure about leaving him, but something inside prevented me from doing so; I think it was because of his role as a victim. The times I tried to end it, he would pull out one thing and make me fall into his clutches. It was something that broke my concentration many times.

Second, my financial situation. Between 2016 and 2018, Venezuela was going through a very tough economic situation. Prices were too high. Food was scarce in supermarkets and, to get it, people stood in long lines for four to five hours sometimes under an inclement sun.

Necessities were a luxury, and if you wanted to get them without queuing in supermarkets, you had to pay triple the price to unauthorized vendors. Many times I did not have detergent to wash clothes or corn flour to prepare an arepa for breakfast. I felt very depressed and lost a lot of weight.

My father was going through a terrible economic situation and every month it was hard for him to send me money to stay in the city. The rent started to go up and it was becoming impossible to keep me there. I talked to my father about the possibility of moving to a cheaper place, but that would involve many more expenses.

The debts were almost drowning us so I decided to go back to my hometown, I couldn't take it anymore. My father agreed, so we arranged with an uncle to help me move and go back. I could not finish my degree, as the University was also going through a wrong time and several professors were not going to teach. So the agreement between my father and I was broken.

My life after college

When I got home from my parent's house, I took a break and started looking for a job. I focused on further developing my skills as a writer; it was what I was passionate about and I hoped that one day I would be able to use them professionally. I got a job in a public institution as an administrative assistant, there I learned many things about that field that helped me increase my skills for my resume.

In the beginning, it was hard, I missed the university, my studies, my friends, and going out to the street to have a nice coffee in a quiet and cozy café, but then I started to adapt to my new life and I started to love it. Now I live in a different city, with a more stable partner and with better conditions than I had years ago.

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^{Photo by Dingzeyu Li on Unplash}

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