LOH 160: A Letter, Trip to Heaven

I have this Aunt Mia, about whom I really love and well taken care of, especially during the last moments of her life. She died eleven or twelve years ago because of breast cancer and other illnesses that had given up on her body. I remember that I was one of those who took care of her then, so it is very painful for me to think that she died unexpectedly. Up to this day, I still remember the last days I was with her and could talk. I have so many what-ifs in my head.

If she had not died, I would not be such a rebel child.
Maybe I can finish my college studies early.
Maybe one of my dream jobs did come true.

Aunt Mia is the older sister of my Dad. I always call her, 'Mom' because she had no child, and she is my Godmother and at the same time, I am her most favorite niece. One of or great bonds when she was alive was when we went to church and then after that, we would go to the supermarket to buy groceries. She always bought me paper dolls, candies and dolls when I went with her so I could say how much she really loved me and treated me as her own daughter. Things changed when I heard the news that she had cancer and was already admitted to the hospital and scheduled for an emergency operation. After her breast cancer operation, she stayed in the hospital for months because of other conditions that affected her body. When she got back home, it was only a few weeks, and she couldn't take it anymore and was completely lost. I was one of the last people with her and I didn't anticipate the time when he would suddenly let go. On the other hand, my biological mom never failed to visit and took care of her as well when she was in the hospital. It's just sad to think that she didn't have a partner to take care of her at that time because she had none. I have never heard that she dated a man. Because I was still young at the time, I just thought maybe, Mommy Mia really doesn't want marriage because she's busy on her work. Speaking of her work, I don't know exactly what she entered in the Middle East. But all I know was that he took a lot of courses for certification. She had cookery NCII, food processing NCII, and even butchery and a lot more!

The way I know my Mommy Mia is, she always wants to study things. She even practiced massage therapy. She also studied pillow crochet and beading. I thought he was going to do business with her many beads that are made into accessories. But she just passed on to me what she had studied. As I grow older, my parents and other relatives used to compare me with my mommy. We have almost the same personalities, hobbies, and activities. As for me, it's okay because everything I do is also inspired by my late Aunt. It's just sad to think that she's been gone for several years and hasn't even seen my achievements in person. I really want her to be proud of me even though I have disappointed many people with my past issues. So if it is possible for her to read my letter for her, I would like to send it right away.

To my Loving Mommy Mia,

Hello there! First of all, I miss you so much! I want to hug you if possible; otherwise, I might cry too much. Mommy, thank you for the hobbies and talents you have inherited to me. I want you to know that I made a lot of necklaces and bracelets from all the beads we saw in your room after you died. Don't worry, because I shared some beads with Em and she made some colorful accessories too. Mommy, I also want to thank you for teaching me mathematics. Sadly, I am a dumbskull in math, and I also got a 75 grade in Physics when I entered the Catholic school. I really tried learning math, but I think my brain doesn't like it and I just let it go. But don't worry, because I still had good grades in other subjects.

Mommy, thank you for all the paper dolls you bought me. Mama used to give me one peso for one paper doll only but every time I went to church with you, you always bought me bundles of paper dolls! Sorry if this is the only reason why I go to church with you.

Mommy, I have also joined singing competitions many times. I also failed to be on the top but that's okay because I'm still able to join the choir in church. I also practiced the massage therapy that you passed on to me but sorry if I forgot some of it. My hands were no good like my bio mama so I have not been able to maintain that skill. I am so sorry too, Mommy, if while growing up as a teenager, I became a hard-headed child. I do believe that I disappointed you so much with the things I did throughout my teenage life. And up to this day, I do regret some of it. The past still haunts me, Mommy. Sometimes, I do have anxiety attacks but happily, I am getting able to cope immediately.

Mommy, if you ever read this letter, I hope that you will forgive me for all the evil deeds I have done. Now that I have a son, I want to start over and be a better mother for him. You will always be in my heart, Mommy and I hope that you always guide me wherever I go. Please also hear my prayer and tell it to God, because sometimes I wonder if He totally hears me. I hope we can see each other in the next life, Mommy, but not for now. I hope you are happy doing your hobbies there, and please guide our family too. I love you, Mommy!

This concludes my blog for the 160th LOH Challenge. Have a great day!

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Location: Manila, Philippines
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