Idealization and Romantic Beliefs/Myths in Relationships!🙄

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Hello Friends, Greetings 🙏😊

Let's talk about a super important issue, especially young people (adolescents from 15 to 21 years or so, but also for older ones). I speak about, 'The idealization of love' , will surely think, why is this an important issue? Well, it is very simple: who have not seen a movie, series or read a romantic book with a beautiful and perfect couple as a protagonist? As many of you have thought: "I would like to have a boyfriend,", "I would like my relationship to be very perfect" and many other things.

Even Disney movies have shown us couples that simply with a kiss, love and live together, you have children and they are happy forever. Many believe that it has nothing Bad to desire something like that and I did not see anything bad but, is it really right to do it?

It is very common for young people and adolescents, when they are in love, convert that person into the perfect couple. The problem is when they get to magnify their qualities and virtues until it becomes the man or the "perfect" woman, that is, when the couple begins to idealize.

When we are in love it seems that we do not think with head, but with the heart: emotions are above the rational and also conquer thought. But this is wrong? Well, no, it is not about controlling emotions and trying to avoid or disguise them, but rather to learn how to regulate them: manifest it at the right time, with just intensity and not lose our heads, that is, to follow the path of reality .

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The tendency to idealize has different causes. But in any case it leads us to relate not with the person itself, but with a fantasy of its own. Each person has qualities that can be very attractive. However, there is no perfect human being, and is that for each positive aspect, one can reach, two or more negative aspects.

Many young people have the wrong idea that "love can" or "love" or "or even worse" still "the only thing that is needed is love", these beliefs cling to a Relationship, which can become, in some cases, sickly or toxic. After a while, the idealization collides with reality some expectations are not fulfilled and some conflicts appear, as they begin to see the other person as it is really and there the image created by ourselves is broken as "the perfect person".

The books / Films / Series that offer us a nice love story, offer us a romantic paradise, something like: Once we have passed through the valley of tears, it arrives in Blue Prince, a handsome, kind and simply perfect man get in love and live happily ever after. This type of stories is very superficial and unrealistic, first: How are you magically located with the perfect man? How is it possible that there is a perfect man? They never show us how this man is, or only show the most beautiful part of him, as well as if this prince has no trait that is not perfect.

In books and youth romantic movies of this time show us many types of men and women who are almost impossible not to fall in love with them, we can say that here they show us bad characteristics of the boy, but "Oh wow" the boy changes and is perfect.
But Currently there is a trend, and is to show you a popular boy and super handsome, that all the girls love him, but it turns out that the boy is undoubtedly, the least indicated person to have a relationship, and it has many qualities that he has and that I would run more than one: rebellious, jealous, manipulative, aggressive, violent, womanizer, among others.

And how is the deal with the girl? Better yet, in these stories at the beginning (and much of the plot): She's insulting him, she takes advantage of him, makes fun of how he is or how he dresses, manipulates him, shouts and clear is, use it. And not only happens with the girls, also with the boys, many stories show beautiful but horrible heart girls.

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And at first they show us a couple who obviously can not be bonded, because they hurt each other, but little by little they fall in love and we see that the boy or problematic girl has great qualities and the typical: that boy or girl has reasons (Unjustified in many cases) by which they are, for example, such a problem or trauma, some complex that makes it unsure, among other reasons. These characters are dangerous since they make the reader or viewer feel sorry for them and think: "Poor he / she is so because he has suffered enough." But no, this is not a valid justification, since you can not treat your partner like your boxing bag and hit him/her.

And this is something else that these stories are sold to us: "Love can everything and everything forgives". For these books and series show that it is only necessary to love that person and ready, as if it were so simple. Books like Fifty shades of Grey, Three meters above the sky, show us toxic couples but that with love everything is achieved. And no, at all. The role of a couple in a relationship where the other person has conflicts, is to support it, be the right hand of it so that this conflictive person seeks external help, like that of a psychologist.

But this I said if you have to do with the idealization, why? For many teenagers who may have never been in a relationship come to this, and fall in love with these characters, since despite seeing these bad characteristics of the character, they overlook them and only matter to them the good. Since in these books they engage the positive aspects, making the girls love those aspects and be able to forget all the bad or worse yet, that they or they believe they can get their partners from that dark hiding place, because of course if you love it , It's enough, it does not matter if you're injured, love can everything.

Sorry but Love can not everything, on many occasions it is better to finish and get away, before that person's demons drag you. The problem is that people fall in love with this kind of characters and seek in real life someone like that (that is idealize), they want someone like that in their lives, to have a perfect and loving relationship, but this is not love, it is Only fantasy and this is to be capricious, they are only in love with that illusion, they are even able to support a million things to continue next to that person with the blind hope to make them change and have this nice final.

When an individual idealizes another can do the unspeakable to keep that image fictitious that she has assigned him to the other in her mind. For this, it will resort to a thousand excuses and justifications so that he can evade the failures that begin to become patents in the other. It will also escape the virtues of him beyond the positive thing they can truly have.

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If we want to establish a healthy relationship, it is necessary that we free from these veils and look from the person in its entirety. We have to accept the successes of her as well as her mistakes, assuming that she is human and wanting her in her imperfection. Only in this way the link will be real. Giving this step to return to reality supposes to love in another way, without losing individuality. The idealization has the feature of coupling and fusion, gives us the strength and energy to want to know the other person, with all the intensity that it supposes.

Do not try to maintain the fictitious ideal because you run the risk of becoming a person dependent on that supposed perfect love. It is not easy to compete with perfection and if you lock yourself in the idea that that man is wonderful, your own personality will be annulled by the excellence of it. Do not be deceived, we are all from meat and blood, we all make mistakes and we have flaws. And despite them, we can continue in love. Love can be imperfect, silly and stupid yet Pure and Beautiful.... 💕💖