Personal Story with a Soundtrack - Guess I have to say sorry to my Ex and you might too

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Be honest, I am sure you called somebody you didn´t like or that messed with you a narcist. If you now say no not me you are lying or you are just a way too nice person.

As you know I am not nice, but always honest.

Billy Joel- “Honesty” (Alyssa Lazar Cover)

I called my ex a narcissist or at least called out her narcissistic behaviors.

Now I did that because everybody loves using that label and it doesn't have to be real, because who really knows what constitutes a narcissistic personality?

Again honest, not me.
But let me see, Google what makes a person narcissistic?

Christine and the Queens - Narcissus is Back

1. Lack of empathy
2. Extreme sense of Entitlement
3. Grandiosity
4. Superficial about appearance
5. Jealous
6. Hypersensitive to criticism
7. Not very loyal
8. Gaslighting
9. Getting pleasure out of other people's misery

Now, how many of the above characteristics need to be answered with Yes to classify as Narcissist, 8/9 is the minimum, and 1 till 6 are obligatory.

Now let´s see how many would be Yes in the case of my Ex.

1. Lack of empathy - Yes - But faked empathy for others
2. Extreme sense of Entitlement - No, not extreme
3. Grandiosity - Yes
4. Superficial about appearance - No
5. Jealous - No
6. Hypersensitive to criticism - Yes
7. Not very loyal - Yes
8. Gaslighting - Yes
9. Getting pleasure out of other people's misery - IDK

So there were clear narcissistic tendencies but she would not classify as a Narcissist. Still she has a lot of these tendencies and well they are basically originating from very low self-esteem. And I did notice that with her self-esteem lowering over time these tendencies grew stronger.

Just to understand if that is possible I looked into the origin,
Narcisme and narcissistic tendencies are developed when growing up. It is not a disorder, Narcissists are made not born. It´s a by-product of parenting.

Narcissistic behavior a byproduct o parenting, caused by overindulging and under indulging a child.

Lauren Spencer Smith - Narcissist

Overindulging as in willing your kid to be the best player on the team, give them the best vacation, best clothes, and best family life. All exterior overindulging. Basically, giving the kid the best of all the superficial stuff that looks good on a parent's Facebook and Instagram.

But at the same time these parents don´t listen to the child's feelings, have no time to play games, they are not interested in interacting with the child. The exterior world is overindulged, and the kid's inner world is neglected.

She was raised by a man with a sickness - Bradley Hathaway

Growing up that pattern will cause the inner world and therefore empathy to not develop. And what does develop is the sense of I am the best, I deserve the best, it is all about me showing the world and getting confirmation from the world how grandiose I am.

Boy does that explain why nowadays these tendencies seem to be a lot worse than 30 years ago. Thirty years ago a job was a job, you worked for your survival and only the really rich could flash their cash.
Nowadays with both parents working to earn more cash to flash on social media and kids being told they can become everything they want, you create the risk to generate a generation whose inner world got under indulged. A generation that thinks whatever they will do they will be millionaires by 25.

The Bottom Line

My ex was not a true narcissist and I take back my words saying she was. So Sorry.....to your next ex.

Haiden - Sorry To Your Next Ex

I also did a quick check if I was one, although well I am possibly a lot of things but not Narcissistic. I think.

1. Lack of empathy - Yes, possibly
2. Extreme sense of Entitlement - No, not at all.
3. Grandiosity - Nah, but I do fake it sometimes just for fun.
4. Superficial about appearance - No
5. Jealous - No
6. Hypersensitive to criticism - No
7. Not very loyal - No
8. Gaslighting - No
9. Getting pleasure out of other people's misery - No, but I am also not about feeling sorry for everyone that has it worse than me.

Now my honesty is slightly worrying me, especially my answers for 1 & 9, that might indicate that there is something seriously wrong with me. But more about that in part two coming soon.

But here´s a hint....