Let's talk about JEALOUSY...

I was once in a relationship where I feel like my ex was cheating on me with something other than a person and does not even know it - this makes it more painful.

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Let me elucidate...

He is a gamer. He likes to play his PlayStation 4 so much that he spend all his time doing it and I always feel left out. It may not have been a big deal if I was a fan of video games. Notwithstanding, I made my intentions known to him and he made me understand that he doesn't know that it made me feel left out and as a result he reduced the number of hours he spends on it and even try to make it something we can do together but I couldn't grasp all I was being taught.

Jealousy is a feeling that is strongly associated with when someone feels insecure about their position in a relationship either a romantic relationship, or relationship between parent, siblings, co-worker, etc. Jealousy is a feeling that everyone have experienced at different points in their lives which means it's a normal feeling. There can only be a cause for alarm when the jealously becomes unhealthy.

Jealousy arises in a relationship when a person perceives threat from an another person who is trying to share affections between them and their partner. Jealousy can be very dangerous as it is often associated with anger, anxiety and the likes. Imagine how fast your heart will beat in raging anger when you go to an event with your partner only for a strange lady to appear, whom your man probably introduced as his old time friend or colleague, then they start to talk, laugh, and even stare at each other passionately that you felt lost for a couple of minutes and he didn't notice your reaction but went on and on with this conversation. It can be very annoying!

I will share a personal story with you. I went out with my man on a Friday evening to chill at a local restaurant. We were already sitted for about 30 minutes enjoying the moment when one lady came to our table to say hi to my man. She was later introduced as his neighbor who they grew up in his family house a long time ago. He is actually friends to his sister because she was very young then. She joined us on our table, we got her a drink and that was it. All the attention shifted to her. The two of them begin to gist about this or that, asking about Mr A or Mrs B. I felt very angry and my mood changed immediately. My man asked if I wanted more drinks and he could tell from my reaction that I was very pissed. But he still continued with the conversation with the girl because he didn't want her to notice or feel offended. He had to wait until she left before he start teasing me and apologizing that I can get jealous so quickly and all. Trust me, a lot had gone through my mind within that short period and if she had stayed a little longer I may have done what I didn't want to do.

A little jealousy may be a way of showing your partner that you care about them so much and you'd not want to lose them. It is a way reassuring each other of what you both share and that you should not take each other for granted. By extension, it increases the bond and even make intimacy more sweeter. On the other hand, it becomes scary when it leads to behavior such as physical abuse, financial abuse, stalking, bullying, etc. Sometimes, you may be overwhelmed by your emotions and start to feel extremely insecure when you think about the fact that your partner does not love you like he or she used to.

Jealousy is a feeling that should be addressed because the other person must be aware that their behavior is not going down well with you and this will allow them to make necessary changes. It is impossible to address an issue without knowing the causes. Some of the possible causes of jealousy could be the fear of being abandoned, feeling insecure, low self-esteem, the urge to have total control over your partner, etc.

Bottomline, jealousy can be healthy and unhealthy. Unhealthy jealousy can destroy all that you have been building for a long time in a twinkle of an eye. So, if you are experiencing a chronic jealousy that can threaten your relationship, try to address the issue with your partner or seek a professional advice.