Third-Party Conflict Management Is Essential
When in the face of conflict there are two sides to me. It's either I face it head-on or I completely avoid it. My reaction depends on the situation, the people involved, and how I feel about it all.
I once interned at a bank and that experience made me appreciate the operations unit at banks. Many times we had customers raving mad because they were angry about one issue or the other. The customer service unit got insulted steadily as if the customer's money was in their pockets.
Every one of us had to be patient with these types of aggressive customers and only say things that would pacify their anger. I learned how to manage conflict in a workspace, especially with customer interactions.
There's actually no two ways about this because like they say, the customer is always right. That means even if they're wrong, you have to say it in the nicest possible way so they don't flare up even more.
It wasn't so hard for me to deal with conflict resolution in the workplace because I generally like clarifying issues immediately. I wasn't always like this but I had to learn.
I don't even like matters getting to the extent of conflict because my immediate reaction is to avoid problems and run away. Not out of fear but out of a lack of energy to have a back and forth.
For strangers and people I don't care for, I run away. I would let them think or do whatever they wish as long as it doesn't affect me in any way. I had to learn to not run away when it came to those I care about.
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My ability to confront conflicts with a loved one was however tested a few days ago. Let me share a very recent example with you.
A close friend of mine hit me up some days ago that she was in another country. I couldn't believe it because she never mentioned any travel plans to me even though we spoke almost every day on the phone.
It turned out to be true, she had relocated to a whole other country and never informed me prior to travelling and even weeks after arrival. I felt so betrayed and questioned our friendship. I considered it a very sly thing to do and couldn't justify it no matter how hard I tried.
I was happy for her on one hand, on the other, I was really pissed and disappointed. I expressed my shock to her but she only laughed about it and I resolved I wasn't going to confront her about it.
I had a lot on my mind so I poured it out to a mutual friend of ours. She advised that I speak up and not act like everything is alright. She reminded me how I detach from people when I don't confront them and this friendship was one too dear to let go.
On a group call, our mutual friend brought it up and she forced me to speak about it. It was a very tense conversation and I'm thankful our friend acted as the middleman. Left to me and my hurt, this friendship would have been very shaky right now and on its way to the abyss.
I hadn't felt this kind of hurt in a long time and her excuses made no sense to me. Over the course of the conversation, I tried to cut her some slack and see things from her end. Some of it made sense only a little bit but it wasn't even enough because she had many chances to tell me still.
Our mutual friend was the voice of reason and I appreciate her input. She played a very important part in resolving this conflict and I understand better why third parties are advisable in conflict management.
My friend is a hot head and I can also be a hot head in a conflict. We wouldn't have arrived at a common ground if it was just two of us on that call. I lost a friend two years ago and in that case, we had no close mutual friend that was involved in our conflict.
If that were to be the case with this friend, coupled with the new distance of thousands and thousands of miles, we definitely would have had a friendship break up any moment from now.
We're cool now and I hope my friend doesn't pull a similar stunt again like getting married or having a baby without my knowledge. Not even Jesus would settle that fight.
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