HOW TO BE A TECH BRO
The measure of human development and civilization.
Without technology, we wouldn't have phones and cars and Twitter (okay, maybe this isn't such a bad thing not to have) and most importantly, we wouldn't have oreos.
Just like every field, technology has its experts.
And the most popular of these experts by a long shot are the people we call "tech Bros".
Now I'm sure we've all heard of tech Bros,
and no I'm not talking about that guy that talks about NFTs all day.
I'm talking about the real deal,
and in this article,
I'm going to be giving you an exclusive guide on how to be a certified tech bro.
Now if you're a lady reading this and you're thinking "but I'm a girl."
It doesn't matter. The term "tech bro" is unisex.
It doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl or even a dog.
Tech bro is tech bro.
To all the people on this platform that are aspiring to be tech bros and start making millions, today is your lucky day.
Now of course the most important thing about being a tech bro is learning coding, but for some reason there's a misconception that you have to be so good that you can make apps to detect herpes or something.
All you need to do is learn how to write "hello word" in Python and you're good to go.
To anyone that disagrees, is that not tech??
Once you've gotten this down, congratulations, you're on your way to becoming a tech bro.
All you need to do now is adopt the other characteristics of tech bro culture which I'm here to help you with.
So without further ado,
It's time for the breakdown!
TECH BRO STARTER PACK
A tech bro without hoodies or turtleneck is no tech bro at all.
This is literally tech bro 101. forget about coding,
this is the most important thing.
And make sure you get black or gray colours.
If you see a tech bro with brightly colored hoodies or turtlenecks, that person is an imposter and probably uses an Android.
Certified tech Bros Never use an Android.
and if you wanna be a certified tech bro, you must follow suit.
Even if your Android can zoom ×100000 and see the craters on the moon, get an iPhone.
and if you can only afford iPhone 5,
Just make sure you're using an iphone.
And as for your laptop,
certified tech Bros only use MacBooks,
now I understand that the price of a MacBook is enough to buy land
but there's a solution....
What better way to make people know you're a tech bro than by covering your laptop with stickers.
normal people also use laptops
you wouldn't want people to think you're normal, so stickers help distinguish tech Bros from others.
And when I say stickers, I don't mean stickers from your church, I mean stickers of tech companies like Google, Facebook, internet explorer...
As long as it's techy... and sticky.
Get an headphone,
even if all you're going to do is hang it around your neck.
Just make sure you have one.
As a techbro, you must not listen to sound the same way normal people do.
Wired earphones, earbuds...
Headphones are the way,
the bigger and more complicated looking,
And bonus points if they are black or grey.
5. AFRO/DREADLOCKS/DYED HAIR
How can you have a boring ass haircut like buzzcut and call yourself a tech bro.
Tech Bros are spontaneous and their hair is a reflection of that.
Your head can't be looking plain and you call yourself a tech bro.
Now some of you might be thinking "what does hair have to do with tech?"
If you're thinking that, then you're not ready to be a tech bro.
But to the rest of you that are ready to make the leap,
get an afro, dye it, get some dreads,
Heck, get a mohawk.
As long as your hair would make people question you.
6. FACE CAP AND GLASSES
This is a good alternative for those that don't have hair to style
I'm looking at you Jeff bezos
Also an alternative for people that sweat easily.
If you can't wear a hoodie,
get a face cap and glasses combo.
It doesn't matter if you can see properly,
just wear the glasses.
A tech bro without anime is like a cat without fur...
Even if you only Know one anime, make it your identity. make sure everyone knows that you love this anime.
But make sure you don't watch hentai.
If you don't know what hentai is, then you're on a good path.
Continue on that path.
Out of all the options I've listed so far, this is the only one that I can confidently say is a bad thing.
Crocs are an insult to humanity.
But, it's a necessity to enter the guild of tech Bros.
If not for that, I would have told you to stay far away from those abominations to feet.
Now, a lot of you might be wondering why there was no tech related tip in my ultimate guide to being a tech bro.
Being a tech bro is 10% actual tech and 90% looking like a tech bro.
And as the saying goes, dress for the job you want.
So yea, get a freaking hoodie.
Good luck on your tech bro journey, and when you start making millions, remember to give me my percentage for helping you
or I'll sue.
Thank you for reading.