National Tell a Fairy Tale Day

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In honour of National Tell a Fairy Tale Day today, February 26 (https://nationaldaycalendar.com/national-tell-a-fairy-tale-day-february-26/) I have decided to not just tell a fairy tale, but to write one as well.

When I got to thinking of this particular fairy tale, however (based loosely on true events), I realised I was not entirely sure how I wanted it to end. After troubling myself over this for quite some time (about the amount of time it took to make a coffee) I knew what the answer was: this fairy tale will be of the Choose Your Own Finale type of fairy tale! Is it a thing? It is now.

So I present to you, The Vice President and the Gun.

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Once upon a time there was a Vice President, Dick. Dick was a short, stoutly man with thin grey hair and a brilliant smile. Many people liked Dick, though many people did not. Some people were afraid of Dick.

Dick liked some people, but Dick really liked guns. Dick also felt that people should be responsible for themselves and not need or expect the government to take care of them. Mostly, however, Dick liked guns.

One day Dick was out hunting with other people, people who liked him. People like him. People who liked guns. Rich people. Other rich Dicks. While hunting and shooting at birds, Dick accidentally shot another person, Harry, in the face. In the face! Harry may at one point have had a regular face, but his face was now full of buckshot.

Luckily for Harry, Harry had health insurance and was able to afford paying a doctor to remove the buckshot from his face. And so Lordly and Powerful was Dick, that Harry even apologised to Dick for Dick shooting him in the face.

Possible Ending One

Now, Dick liked guns, but he felt so bad for having accidentally shot someone in the face that he felt he should do something to ensure accidents like this never happened again. If he could accidentally shoot someone in the face then, surely, someone who was Lesser than him might shoot someone else by accident as well, either in the face or somewhere else. So Dick used his Power and Persuasion to help promote gun control and the safe use of guns, so people did not accidentally get shot in the face by an AK47 while buying a slurpee from 7-11.

Possible Ending Two

Now, Dick fully believed that people should be able to take care of themselves, but he also thought that if he could accidentally shoot someone else who was rich in the face, then surely someone lesser could accidentally shoot someone poor in the face as well. And though people should take care of themselves, they should not necessarily be thrust into bankruptcy because other people were shooting guns throughout the street and accidentally hitting people who would need medical assistance. So Dick used his Power and Persuasion to help implement national health insurance and services.

Possible Ending Three

Dick felt bad for accidentally shooting someone in the face, but accepted the person's apology for making Dick feel bad. He then went on further hunting trips without incident.

Let me know which ending you prefer!


(c) All images and photographs, unless otherwise specified, are created and owned by me.
(c) Victor Wiebe


About Me

Sometimes photographer. Wannabe author. Game designer. Nerd. 
General all around problem-solver and creative type.

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5 comments
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Oh... what a conundrum!

Can we have a happy ending rather?

It's only five dolla.

But since I don't have five dolla I'll vote for happy ending one, please.

Because healthcare and services and money and peoply people. And also free will so...

Or can we have a happy ending four, maybe?

Like Dick had a massive crash, bottomed out horribly, fucked right off and found a temple in some foreign land, learned actual proper magic and why to use it wisely and became a superhero.

Hang on... they already made that sequel and you can't replace a Benedict Bandersnatch. Sorry. Cumberbatch. I'm getting my Jabberwokkies mixed up with my Cumberbatches.

Back to ending one then.

But I'd add that Harry needs to stop looking down the wrong gun-holes. Really. He should know better by now. 🤔

Curiosity killed the cat and all that!

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But curiousity didn't kill Harry! Just got him a face full of buckshot.

Frankly, I should have had "Possible Ending Four", where the Ford Motor Company builds a truck specific for Dick to hold his balls in the passenger seat. Frankly, anyone who can shoot a person and then have that person apologise to them for it has an awfully big pair!

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(Edited)

😆

I heard Henry Ford was a racist bastard but you can't believe everything you hear...

but Ford making a vehicle to support bastards with oversized balls then makes complete sense...

Don't sweat it so much would be my suggestion.

He who keeps his side of the road clear (or who has space next to them in the car because their balls are the correct size) has a far easier (and more fun) time traveling. That's all. Nobody's completely "right" or "wrong" in a situation. Mostly.

So if Harry apologized he must have owned a mistake and learned some pretty quickly. Nice!

And if Dick didn't then the only person who's gonna have a rough ride is old Dick. Because no accountability means no learning means the same mistakes again which is painful and also fuckin' boring... let's fact it.

I feel kinda sorry for Dick. Almost. We make our own "fate" you know. It is what it is.

Long story short. I like your story.

And don't worry so much 👍❤️

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Also... people who shoot unarmed people generally don't have any at all?

Plot hole 👍 #justsayin

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A good story sticks with you...

of course...

"There are no accidents"

Really.

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