Conversations with my parents pt.2

Both my parents come from large families. My mother comes from a very large polygamous home with numerous wives and over 30 children out of which her mother has 8, while my father comes from a large monogamous home with 8 children.

The number of children both my grandmothers had influenced my parents' decisions when they decided to start having children. They had initially decided to stop having kids after their 5th child but after 7 years their protective methods failed and then came their 6th, more methods failed and their 7th came and finally after their 8th child came they decided they had to make that final.

So, my parents ended up having just as many kids as both their mothers. It's quite poetic in some way. They had the exact opposite of what my paternal grandmother had. While my grandmother had 6 females and 2 males, my mother had 6 males and 2 females. My maternal grandmother had 7 females and 1 male.

I spend a lot of time thinking about the dynamics of families. How small families interact with each other compared to how large families with mostly female kids interact and how families with mostly males interact.

In most of these scenarios, I tend to notice a couple of patterns so I brought it up with my mom and she was inclined to agree with me.

My family isn't very unified. As we grew older the lines that had initially existed between us as kids became bolder. Although this disunity doesn't exist between all of us, I observed that it's a lot bolder between some of the males and the females.

I talked to my mother about this a while ago and we concluded that the disunity exists based on a certain traditional mindset most of the males developed where they believe the females ought to be beneath them.

However, the females developed an independent mindset that made us want to be treated as equals or at least with the right amount of respect that we deserve.

The males don't believe we should speak up the way we do or speak against them the way we do. On the other hand, the females are also disconnected based on parental alliances. It's like an entire season of Family Feud.

My mom and I spent a lot of time picking apart a lot of things about our family. Although she's more inclined towards us all being independent of each other, I sometimes feel deprived of some expected attention.

I'm learning to live at peace with these things. I know I can't change anyone and generally, I'm an adult who ought to live by herself at this point. I know there's always going to be that void but as long as I have my focus trained, I'll always be alright.