Suffering to suffer

I wrote in this post about my current financial struggles and how I'm tightening up my pockets while I save up enough cash to finally immigrate from my country. It's a long journey that's filled with daily fears but thankfully, I have an understanding partner who makes it worth the stress.

While making these plans to leave the country, I spend a lot of time thinking about my brother, his wife and a few other friends of mine who took the confident stride of leaving the country. I think about how much stress and depression they're going through and while I bother about them a lot, I bother about myself twice as much.

It's a tough and scary journey. I know that first-generation immigrants suffer to prevent the next generation from suffering but I can't seem to wonder every day if it's all worth it.

At the moment, I work for at least 12 hours every day, I'm battling terrible power and internet service conditions. I'm going through a lot of mental stress while preparing to take that same leap that will lead me to a lot more mental stress.

Thankfully, me and my partner might be in a much better situation financially than others but that doesn't change the obvious fact that we will suffer. We might not go through as many financial problems but we will still have them. We'll still need to find jobs and work hard to stay afloat when we move.

It's such a scary thought. We'll sell off everything we have, and spend all the money we have just to move to a new country with the hopes of starting life. We'll have almost nothing to fall back to if shit goes sideways for us.

When I think about how stressful this would be, I think about the alternative - settling down in our country and weathering the storm. This thought is terrifying because of how bad our country currently is and how much worse it'll get in the next couple of years. Some would say that we're almost on the brink of a civil war.

I love the life I have in my country. It's such an amazing place to live but politics and the inability to grow make it nearly impossible to plan a worthwhile future here. I can't imagine raising my children here and that's the biggest problem.

I'm still keeping my head up, working hard and simply doing the absolute best that I can do.

As always, good luck to you and wish me luck too.