How are you? LOH#86

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(Edited)

Once in a while, I check Ladies of Hive community for the new topics. A few times, I decided to write a post and started to write but did not submit after all.

Today I'm determined to tell you my story.

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Here we are, Nataly, me and Nick, ages ago...

How are you?

As you probably know, I'm from Ukraine. Our lives were turned upside down on February 24th. The war separated us from our children, our parents, our loved ones. Some families will never rejoin again. New circumstances have helped me understand who my true friends are. These are the people who wrote to me every day: "How are you?" These three words meant so much! "I pray for you", "I love you", "I care for you", "I keep you in my thoughts"... I also wrote to my loved once. To my daughter and mom, but most of all I worried about my husband Nick.

The question is "Who is the first person you would call when you are in trouble?", and I have to choose.


Indeed, I often ask myself - do I have the person, or - can I decide who is the person, who is my "MOST". Is is right or fair to have it, or you have to equally love all yours, you know, children, parents, partner.

Whom I love the most, or miss the most when I'm alone, and with whom I first want to share my happiness or my despair? This is a difficult choice indeed, and it may be a good sign meaning that probably there is more than one such person. Haha, I'm lucky. Although, if we abstract, we have different "MOST person" in different periods of life.


Let me digress here.

When I was young and impressionable, I studied the Bible. It was an exciting period.😊 And I remember being struck and surprised by the words of Genesis 2:24: "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." For me then, father and mother were the most important and sacred people in life, and it seemed to me that this should never change. That is what is right. Even considering my overbearing mother.😏 On the other hand, this is THE BIBLE! Can it be wrong? How is it possible that a spouse is more important than parents, and therefore more important than children? And then came the time when I so much wanted to change my life so as not to live with my parents...


My daughter is my world. Her father died when she was 8, and I became her world as well. There were times, when I kept on living only because of her. We kind of have been through a lot. Can anyone be more important?

Well, it's only my part of the story. Nataly has a boyfriend, and they are together for ages now. 😄 All of a sudden, I realized that she'd like better to spend time with him than with me. Hang on, watch movies, chat, spend vacations. It was sad and painful when I first realized that someone really important had appeared in her life, someone other than me. History repeats itself in a new circle.

So, who's left? Looks like it's Nick, my husband. And not because he's the one who's left or The Bible told me so. We're grown up girls and know about divorce. I don't know when it has happened. He is my person. After everything we've been through, I trust him completely, although it wasn't easy for me to start trusting. He is my friend, my most valued confidant.


I know the life is beautiful, but the war is cruel. If I lose him, I know my life will stop that day. But this will not happen, because we will live happily ever after and died on the same day. As it should be in the end of a good story.

❤️

@zirochka

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I only know you throughout Hive, but I can tell you're a very balanced woman, even though swings in your life are huge. You are always able to keep your cool when it is needed and find a solution, instead of playing the victim, or try to make people feel sorry for you. I'm sure you're fighting a battle every single day inside yourself and you are able to overcome any obstacle. You have no idea what an inspiration you are to me, an example to follow. So don't change. Try to keep yourself healthy and balanced. You're absolutely amazing.

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(Edited)

Your words are so much to me!.. As @silversaver888 said, I'm my mother's daughter, and she is very strong woman (my granny were even stronger).

My life has taught me that I can only count on myself. Sometimes it's nice to know that there are people who can sometimes take care of you, but that's rare. I accepted this role without joy, because it is not easy, but now is the time when everything I am capable of has been useful to me, and not just to me. Seems that my whole life has prepared me for this ordeal, and I have no regrets.

And I want you to know that I appreciate your comments always. 💛

!LUV

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Very eye opening lol.. Its crazy how these things happen before i eyes but we rarely take note or accept the change i wonder how it feels so this is how our parents feel wow please be safe praying for things to get back to normal for you

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(Edited)

Thank you for writing this post, from the heart, @zirochka. Surely we all have our version of this age-old story. And have experienced how the answer changes over time.

"History repeats itself in a new circle."

Wisdom ... 😉

Glad to read of how these very hard circumstances, over the last 3 months, have given you a deeper trust for the man in your life. My God watch over and keep you both! 🙏❤️

I don't know about you, but there are times when it is tempting to "go back" and do it over, with what I now know. Except ... That is not an option! Life teaches us hard lessons. But they are good lessons. And on we go ...

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Hello, @roleerob. It's nice to read you.

I don't know about you, but there are times when it is tempting to "go back" and do it over, with what I now know.

I went through this period. After the unfortunate end of my first marriage, I thought I would choose the best husband next time. But it was not a choice, it was fate. He was not better or worse, he was different. It turned out that I could be different too. And we succeeded.

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But it was not a choice, it was fate.

Interesting perspective. You mention reading the Bible in this post. As a younger man, I was resistant to this. For lots of reasons ...

But ...

Thankfully, at a critical "moment of truth", I was encouraged to reconsider. The end result? My marriage did not end. We have now been married over 45 years!

Did I deserve this outcome. No. But thankfully it was not dependent upon my "earning" it or anything "performance" based. He met me there, because of who He is not because of who I am, and my life was never the same ...

My appreciation for how a sovereign God ordains the events in my life grows deeper with age. I imagine that will continue ...

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My appreciation for how a sovereign God ordains the events in my life grows deeper with age. I imagine that will continue

Same for me. I could not save my first marriage, I was too young... And I often cried "Why me??" But my daughter is my reward. Besides, I think all those years God has led me to what I have now. And I'm very grateful for that.

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"Besides, I think all those years God has led me to what I have now. And I'm very grateful for that."

Yes. I am among the admirers of the courage you and Nick have shown through this horrible time in your nation's history. "Lion-hearted" comes quickly to mind.

How many people in our time @zirochka would even be willing to say "Live free or die!" let alone live it out?

We will continue to pray for the ultimate victory of you and your people over the tyrannical forces of evil arrayed against you.

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You are correct. When you are a child, your parents are the most important, the ones you trust the most. When you get older, and you are fortunate to find "the one," that is who becomes most important. That's normal. Parents know this will happen.

My husband is the most important to me. Yes, my children are important, but I will not be spending the rest of my life with them. At times (and temporarily), my focus may have to change due to various circumstances and needs of a loved one. My husband is a man who allows this to happen when it is necessary. However, in the end, it is always my husband with whom I will be spending my time and my life. We are best friends!

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Totally agree with you, and I love the way you tell about your loved once.

My husband is a man who allows this to happen when it is necessary.

It's wise, and happens not always. Only people that do trust can give you freedom when you need it. This is the perfect combination when your partner is your best friend

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Though you may have terrible trials in your life, when you trust the Word of God, your story will always end well. ❤️

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Amen!
Thank you for a wonderful words 💛

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Hi @zirochka , it's been a while since I read you, I really agree with you, I was impressed with the quote you quoted, not because I have never heard it, but because it really is true and applied, I study the Bible and have seen how it not only gives advice like the one you mention, but comforts by promising a better future.

I was really hoping to read that they were already safe, I hate what the war is doing to families, especially marriages, but they are all in our prayers that the war will end and they can be free again.

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Hi, dear @jackdeathblack. Thank you for your kind words, for your faith and prayers. I really want my family to endure this ordeal, which is not over yet, but may have just begun. That's why we try to stick together and stay in touch.

I recently talked to a colleague. She and her husband lived in Bucha. When russians started firing them, she fled to Ireland to her sister, and her husband went to his hometown, to his parents. My colleague said she don't feel like going back to where they lived after what happened there. As far as I understand, she will not return to her husband either. This upset me a lot.

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Hello friend, it is really unfortunate, as I said this war is destroying families and marriages, sincerely not to return to a traumatic place is understandable, but not to rejoin a marriage is not so much.

I understand why it bothers you, following the same idea, if by getting married we move to a new family totally apart, the separation will always be something unnatural.

I really hope it will be over soon, I admire you for the support you have been giving, some friends from Ukraine have managed to escape from dangerous areas, others have not😔 and have lost their lives. Please take good care of yourselves and be cautious.

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Hello @zirochka I had not had the pleasure of running into you, your story caught me from the beginning because it also happens to me sometimes I want to participate but I leave it halfway.

What a nice way to say I love you, to be focused on life and give importance to what is real, I guess the circumstances in which you live now from what I understood the war has made you more mature grateful.

That you used a quote from the bible makes you a person of faith. I liked it, thanks for sharing, stay alive and may God bless you.

I use translator if I have offended in any way I apologize.

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it also happens to me sometimes I want to participate but I leave it halfway.

I suppose this is because we try to write from the heart. ❤️

Thank you so much for reading, and for taking time to translate and drop the comment. Your translation is good and not offensive at all :)

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What a lovely post! I would love to give you a hug, in-person, some day! Blessings to you! 💗

!LADY

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"Por eso dejará el hombre a su padre y a su madre, y se unirá a su mujer, y serán una sola carne". Así mismo es, me ha costado entenderlo, aún creo que mis padres son primero que yo, pero voy descubriendo que solo estamos él y yo en las buenas y en las malas y que mi prioridad es mantenernos a salvo

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A very heartfelt story of love and life. Thank you for sharing it here. I wish you both safety and bliss💗

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It can be difficult to follow God during our most difficult times, especially when His ways are not the way we see things. My mother chose my father, as I chose my husband as my daughter is choosing her best friend/someday husband. It comes full circle without us realizing it, not appreciating it any more than our own mothers did.

Nat will always be your heart and I have noticed that the older we get, the more that becomes true once again.

Having faith in difficult times can allow you to find peace in God's presence. Many blessings to you.

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Yes it is. Sometimes it seemed that I was all alone, and I analyzed my past and looked for an answer - why?..

In these circumstances, we are all now rethinking our lives. And today we need faith, and trust, more than ever.

Nat will always be your heart and I have noticed that the older we get, the more that becomes true once again.

My heart rejoices when I see her acquire her own wisdom. You know, I feel like I'm getting wiser with her again. 😊

!LUV ❤

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This is so emotional..I swear. My biggest fear is to have my boyfriend called in the army as he is a reserve and I can't imagine living without him or without being sure he will ever come back. Though I'm a pretty religious person and I always think that God has bigger plans with us than we imagine and that everything will be fine in the end. Stay strong girl! 🤗

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(Edited)

How beautiful your writing @zirochka. How beautiful the love you have for your husband. God bless this union, and this love forever.

I embrace you with my soul. You are worthy of admiration. I wish I had the strength you have. You should always keep it up, life will give you a great reward.

Greetings friend. 🥰

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