Preface

I'm not discounting the devastating impact that the virus is having upon the world.
I live in my little bubble & this is just my perspective - as experienced by - Me.

2020 My Life of Change

The downward spiral

My 2020 started 3 years ago.

I was a corporate guy who moved into the position of managing people.

Being a first line manager, you get screwed from both ends.
If your staff make a mistake, it's your fault.
If your boss makes a mistake, it's your fault.
And, in the world of jealousy and power plays, you are constantly having to moved stategically between many different types of people bot, within your organision, and outside of it.

You kinda feel like you're switched on all the time.
The normal 9-5 didn't exist. Even when you relaxed, you were kinda like on standby, just like that little orange go your appliance gives you, with a gentle wink.

I was on a downward spiral.
I didn't really realise it. I knew I was tired alot. After every day, even when I didn't undertake many tasks, I was feeling fatigued.

Most weekends I just felt like sleeping.
Waking up tired, feeling tired, going to be tired, and struggling to goto sleep as my mind tortured me.

Feeling valuable, feeling stretched, feeling forlorn

My position seemed to have flatlined. I was required, but I could feel that my skillset was stagnant, there was a recurring deja-vu when dealing with issues.
Issues were no longer a challenge, they were just another pain in the ass.
Oh no, not that again! Didn't we put that to bed already?

I'd done what I had wanted.

1. Managed staff
2. Managing a department
3. Involvement on many different levels

But there always seemed an imbalance.

Emails became my staple diet, as well as, sitting behind a desk way more than I wanted to.

I didn't want to put in the hours that the organisation was expecting.
I didn't want the continual struggle of dealing with an environment that I felt was becomming increasingly toxic - or maybe I just had that "dead fish eye" look at my world - and it wasn't satisfying.

Incling of change

Like the hairs on the back of your neck, I started feeling that the organisation was in a push to reduce staff costs.

I asked my overseas boss if that was the case.

He said, "No".

My spider senses were still tingling, so I said to him that, "If there was something coming up, please give me the respect to at least know beforehand, I'll help you transition."

At that time, I was considering leaving but I didn't really know how to go about it. I felt bogged, hoping for that moment when I can get out of the rut and see things clearly.

Anyway, he told me the day before they made me redundant. In my mind, it was pretty pathetic. Even after I helped with the transition they couldn't believe how forthcoming & helpful I was being - says more about them than me.

But I had been cut free.

Redundancy

Being made redundant was surreal.

What to do?

I looked at job adverts, thinking I'd climb back on the horse, but the adverts made me tense up. Every line just reminded me of the things that I don't want to do anymore.

I don't think I'm a corporate guy anymore.

It's felt a bit scary. Not that I was scared - but it was scary that I wasn't feeling scared.

I was just wondering what was I supposed to be feeling? What was I supposed to do?

I asked my daughter, she being 13, what should I do?
Her reply was golden, "What do you like to do?"

I had/have no idea.

Weeks to months

My weeks at home life has become months.

I call myself retired. (My dad hates that I use that word - he thinks I'm giving up.) I guess my phrasing could be better but I've always been bad in the words I use to express myself.

But being domestic more than working is a delightful change.

I've spent heaps more time with my family, involvment with my kids day to day. My missus adjusted well to my being home more. Providence played a part, providing some level of work to maintain my self esteem & challenging myself to take on some tasks/interests/other work - and I don't miss the corporate world at all.

I cannot afford to eat out much or buy coffees as I used to do. This is something I wish I had started earlier.
I'm loving making my own food & coffee. It's a treat.

When I used to sit behind the desk I felt I could see myself dying a little bit everyday.
I was getting tingling in my lips which a doctor said was stress related. My shoulder was sore, my hip, my lower back from sitting too long, my big toe on my left fell off - doctor's said I was fine - I didn't feel fine.

My fitness has increased.
I've been jogging 5km everyday (unless my body says to take it easy for a day or two). I feel much better everyday.

This is the crux of my 2020 & the lead up to the Corona virus.

Pending Doom

A few friends & I, have been looking at the Financial markets over the last 4 years, commenting that there is going to be a tick-tick-BOOM at some stage.

I had thought that there would be a World War as they would allow for a financial reset, but, with too many deaths.

I had thought that it may have been a pandemic of some sort. This thought was prompted by some conspiracy people, previous government actions with the population with experiments, and it would be less infrastructure devastating but with the ability to reset financial markets.

I'm not saying that the governements created a virus and spread it around the world, but with pandemics being part of human history, it would be a crisis that can be used to change laws & monetary markets.

There are many people smarter than I, and looking at human history, humans have done some crazy behaviour.

Homeshooling during the outbreak

This week having the kids at home from school has been great.

They have been doing their schoolwork, I've had them undertake some reading (although my son didn't do it today) and they've been playing together, singing and dancing together as they watched some common interest music videos.

My daughter has been delightful.
She wanted to join me on my "jog" so we have switched to a walk.
She is not the walking type, but we had a good walk around the area I run.
However, the area I run is quite boring suburban.

So, yesterday, we walked a different way, towards the creek area.
Oh my, for a suburb that my parents moved into some 49 years ago, it now has some magnificent little pockets of beauty that I have never seen.

Having the chats with my kids, finding pockets of time that I could never find before, have been just awesome.

I have the virus to thank for that!
We would not have taken the kids out of school otherwise.
And the school holidays would have been just a busy 2 weeks.

Bending the stick

The redundancy & the virus have bent my stick.

My stick did not break as I had thought.

I'm hoping that people will reflect on their busy consumer driven lives.
Reflect on what is important.
Take stock & bend the stick

Our lives are very much like trees.

When the tree started growing it must have said, "I have to go up"

But as we know, a tree, just like in life, doesn't just grow up.

It grows to get the light, around or through obstacles, branches bend and twist, a strong root system needs to balance the growth.

We are all trees.

project hope