What can be done to prevent or cope with divorce?

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Divorce is the legal dissolution of a marriage by a court or other competent body. Researchers estimate that 41 percent of all marriages end in divorce.        8. 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce.  

Today instead of working hard to fix things, the easiest way out of a marriage is through a divorce. Divorce is one of the toughest things you can go through in life.  You have to go through a whole grieving process although the other person is still alive.  

In my opinion, divorce is worse than death.  When you divorce someone you still have a chance of running into that person and that brings up old feelings and emotions that can truly change you as a person. 

This happens especially when there are children involved. Even though many kids go through the divorce process with their parents, they do adapt and they get used to their new lives.  One very important point to know if the marriage is definitely over, there is no need to try and sort things out because of the kids. Even though they will be affected, you are doing more damage to the child to stay together than to rather get out of that unhealthy situation.  

Although it is sometimes better just to get out of each other’s way and let bygones be bygones, everything in your power should be done to avoid divorce.  You don’t have to take the easiest way out.  We all go through difficult stages in our marriages and relationships but we need to try and fix what is broken before we just give up.  

Avoiding divorce at all costs means that you took that thought out of the equation.  You made a promise when you got married and it is your responsibility to stick to your promise.   Just because you have the option doesn’t mean you have to take it. 

How to change your mind about a divorce

Communication is the key to all problems.  Problems often start when people stop talking.  Make sure that you make time to discuss issues because when you have kids there are sometimes too many other things that take your mind of your partner.  Remember that one day the kids will grow up and leave you and then you will be left alone with your partner.  

Be open and respect each other.  Make sure that you take care of yourself and your partner.  Put in effort with how you dress and treat each other with respect.  Keep doing the things you were doing that made you fall in love.  Just because you are married doesn’t mean you have to stop dressing up and go out on dates.  Make a date night each week so that you have time to focus only on your partner.  

Share financial burdens and don’t keep things from your partner. Financial issues can really put stress on a relationship if you have to carry the burden alone.  You have a partner that should stand by you through all your hardships in life.  He/she is the one you chose to share your life with so don’t shy away from that.  

Make sure your partner has enough space.  There are certain times when you just need time to yourself or with your friends.  Don’t change who you are just because you are married.  People often tend to forget that they are still individual people and they should still make space for what they had before they got married.   

Don’t go and sleep angry.  If there is an issue that needs to be sorted, then take the time to discuss these issues before you go to bed. Forgive and forget. There is no need to cling to things that happened in the past.  Just because someone did something wrong once doesn’t necessarily mean that they will do it again.  We are all just human and we all make mistakes.  

If an issue arises that you cannot solve yourself, there is absolutely nothing wrong to go to counseling. It is important to grow together instead of apart.  Put your whole heart and soul into the counseling.  Many marriages have risen from the ashes and are now as strong as can be because of counselling. 

Taking a break from each other is not a good idea.  Often during a break, the other person might find themselves feeling relieved and they might want to take the easy way out.  Once that happens, chances are that nothing will ever come right again.  

What if counseling doesn’t work?

If everything fails then you have to prepare yourself for the worst.  Even though divorce might seem civil it doesn’t always turn out that way.  Many people just give up and get out as fast as possible to start over again, but it is your right to take out what you put into the marriage.  

After a break-up, it is always important to get settled as soon as possible for the sake of the kids.  Make a point NOT to talk in front of the children and to resolve any issues in front of your lawyers.  

Prepare for the grieving process as it is a hard process to suddenly be single again after a divorce. You have to find yourself again and you have to learn how to be whole again.  Focus on your children and on yourself.  Take care of yourself and stand strong.  We all have to deal with heartbreak at some point in our lives, and it is no use to pretend that nothing is wrong.  Give yourself time.  Rome was not built in one day.  

Get a new hobby and make new friends. Get support from someone and don’t try and carry this burden only on your own shoulders.     

Spend more time with your kids.  Show them that you still love them and even though you might not be together with their mother/father that you still equally care for them.  

Take a break from everyone and everything to sort out yourself.  Go on a trip or do something you have never done before.  It is important that you learn from your previous mistakes and if you get involved with anyone in a new relationship you know exactly what you are looking for in that person.  

Do not make the same mistake twice.