Retro Film Review: Safe Men (1998)

In mid 1990s, following the success of Tarantino, independent films were seen as refreshing alternative to mainstream Hollywood. After a while, even the most sympathetic critics couldn't deny that many independent films were starting to look mainstream. One of such examples could be found in Safe Men, 1998 comedy written and directed by John Hamburg.

Protagonists of this film are Sam (played by Sam Rockwell) and Eddie (played by Steve Zahn), two terribly untalented musicians who are slowly becoming aware that they will never get far as entertainers. One night they are approached by mysterious individual called Veal Chop (played by Paul Giamatti) who offers them part in small-time burglary. They accept, not knowing that Chop actually works for Big Fat Bernie Gayle (played by Michael Lerner), local leader of Jewish criminal underworld. Things get even more complicated when they realise that they were mistaken for pair of top safecrackers and that their target happens to be a safe belonging to Good Stuff Leo (played by Harvey Fierstein), local fence and Bernie's main rival. Sam and Eddie, of course, don't have a clue about cracking safes and they return from their mission empty-handed. During that fiasco Sam has met Leo's attractive daughter Hannah (played by Samantha Kirk).

Criminal enterprise going bad, quirky characters, flamboyant mob leaders and pop culture references - with all that Safe Men looked like another attempt to exploit formula established by Tarantino's films. Unfortunately, John Hamburg was too inexperienced to deliver at least a decent example of Tarantino knock-off. His script is full of incredibly stupid characters that aren't going to be very interesting to the audience. Dialogues are plain terrible, and the film also shows that Hamburg had much to learn about directing. Safe Men is poorly edited and many of the scenes are incomprehensible. Cast, which looked good on paper, is also disappointing. Rockwell and Zahn look like bad Keanu Reeves impersonations, while Harvey Fierstein is simply unconvincing as Jewish gangster. Talents of Paul Giamatti are also wasted for the utterly thankless role of gangster's sidekick. Those who value their time shouldn't waste it on Safe Men.

RATING: 2/10 (-)

(Note: The text in its original form was posted in Usenet newsgroup rec.arts.films.reviews on July 1st 2004)

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