holoz0r's A-Z of Steam: Dead Bits - a game that should... die

Well hello there, PC Steam games library. You're awfully large. Using "How Long to Beat Steam", including the time I've already spent playing games, my Steam Library backlog is around 13.5 years as of February 2020. That is if I play games for 6 hours a week. I'm a 32 year-old man, and don't expect that I won't be able to stop myself from adding additional games to this backlog.

So here's the kick with this series of posts. Can I complete a blog post about my opinion of every game in my Steam Library before my life expires or the Steem blockchain collapses and all is lost forever?

We're here to find out about this demented task.

Today, we're looking at a little game called Dead Bits

The game Dead bits is a bright title that is an offensive onslaught to each one of your senses, except for smell. Through the exploitation of every other sense in your body however, it manages to produce the pungent aroma of a dead body, which would ironically be an appealing perfume if the scent were your own.

Dead Bits doesn’t make you want to kill yourself, but it forced me to ask the question of myself – if this is gaming, as seen by an alien race, then we may as well be a dead race of carbon-based life forms.

The game bills itself as a simple premise:

Quilly was abducted by aliens, now, he has to fight for his freedom! Destroy cube aliens with guns, bats and inteligence[sic]... avoid traps and more. Dead Bits is a first-person shooter with original dubstep soundtrack for Windows and Mac.

I love the fact that “intelligence” is incorrect in the game’s description on Steem. Prepare yourself for the rest of this review.

Combining dub step, platforming, some physics, guns, and robotic enemies that assault you with their titular “dead bits” as you disburse them with your gun, bat, or other gun, this is a very basic title that, right now, costs AUD$1.5 on the Steam Store. It’s not worth that.

For AUD$1.5 I could get a tin of tomatoes from the supermarket and a spoon, and open that tin, sit down and eat it with no embellishment or flavour, and get an entire list of things that Dead Bits doesn’t give me as a game:

• Entertainment
• Contentedness
• Doing something it says on the tin

Add this to the fact that I don’t particularly like tomatoes (not even in a salad) – the only acceptable form is in sauce, as far as I’m concerned… and you may get the idea of how great of a game Dead Bits really is.

It’s a game that is “grate” because if it were cheese, it’d be bad, covered in mould, and if you ate it, you may have a hallucination which mirrors the story line, content depth, and feeling of fulfilment that the game provides.

Don’t go anywhere near dead bits. Don’t touch it. Don’t google it. Stop reading this review and move on. Erase it from your memory.