I Feel Light And Yet So Heavy Today

Today after dialysis I felt much lighter because I was drawn out with the intended extra fluids that should get taken out from y system and it does mean a lot to me because it also gives me much allowance of fluids to intake between dialysis and of course it relieves me of my difficulty of breathing.

Right now I can breathe easy again but I can't sleep yet and felt a bit uneasy with my body. I feel heavy as if my body is a sandbag for me. I did had my Gabapentin to relieve my general aches although it just helps a little for the pains but at least it relaxes my muscles a bit.

It is just odd because I should have more strength with my body because of my normal hemoglobin levels and yet I felt so much heavy than I was in my heaviest waterlogged body although I still feel waterlogged today.

I guess that it is just the product of y being a dialysis patient for a really long time and my strength had really diminished ever since I was hospitalized in the early 90's after having an infection associated with my Kidney which made the lymph nodes at the back of my neck grew the size of the tennis ball and fortunately it got treated with antibiotics in which my body had responded very well.

My body strength just went down and plateaued until it slowly went down hill after I've been a dialysis patient until I can no longer lift and even pinch the nail cutter to cut my nails. That is how weak I am and I believe that I could get weaker still until I get a kidney transplant which is still in my plans until I collect the necessary funds before and after the surgery.

Kidney transplant is just one of my surgery goals not to mention the fixing the inside of my mouth, I couldn't care less about my appearance but of course if I had the necessary funds I would look for that option too.
But right now I am still aiming for three or four major surgery goals and that will happen if still feasible for my kind of health state right now.

But I am preparing myself for any denial of my health goals but still I would insist for some of them to happen and those will just happen if God wills it and if I would get as much prayers form you all my friends here at steemit.