My Question

PIXABAY

Did I grew up or a part of me just died due to the pain?

This is a question I am asking myself because for the past one year I have changed in a drastic manner and some of the change helps to create and shape some positivity in me. But, also some of the changes stench negativity which I don't know if I am ready to accept or not.

For instance, right now, I give up too easily on things and situations, it's just so easy for me to let go. This new-found behavior of mine has proven to be good in situations where I realized if I didn't let go on time I could have been really wounded while in other situations it wasn't the best because the end result was If I did keep fighting and didn't let go, I could have been on the positive receiving end.

PIXABAY

I have seen real pain 2018 to 2019, I guess it was just a taste of the water from adulthood and it felt like my heart will give up any moment and I never wanted that to happen.
So I ascribed to the popular saying in my descent If I perish, I perish. I stopped fighting and let go of everything causing me pain, making my heart aches, and giving me sleepless nights.

I knew what I was doing might ruin me but I didn't care for the moment, all I wanted to do was ease myself from so much pain at the moment and let my future takes control as I kept doing my daily activities with faith and not with the burden that was my laid on my heart.
Thank goodness in all things turn out fairly. But I don't know if I turned out fairly
Don't know if a part of me gave up and died or I just change due to maturity and life experiences.

I have been distancing myself from friends and I know after some time I am going to wake up and realize they are not there but I don't care because it feels being not so much in contact awith others have helped to keep my sane mind.

I was a lover of small talks, always trying to make fun and converse with others on social media cause I am introverted and kind of shy so physical conversations are usually not my thing. But these days I have drifted so well from personal conversations with others.
I know longer argue guess this should be a sign of maturity or maybe it isn't. If anyone wants to any form of argument I just simply walk away even if their opinions are pointy wrong or maybe I have just lost my energy of argument.

This is just me for the past year.
Do you think painful experience makes people to matured and therefore change occurs or it just kills a vibe in them without giving maturity?

Thanks for reading. I remain @prechyrukky