MANC-AVE OR NOT?

Most people whom I talk to always seem to understand the concept of a man-cave differently. Most of them, men, tend to talk about the need to build or set up a room in which the man takes time off to just be himself and/or do some of the things single guys do so as to have a semblance of independence. Independence from what? I've always sought to ask.

The Oxford dictionary describes a man cave as a room or other part of a home used by a man as a place to relax and pursue hobbies away from the rest of the family.

In thinking about the concept of the aforementioned topic, I was quite curious to know if there was also a female equivalent of a man cave. To my greatest surprise I found something on the internet called a She Shed, which Collins dictionary describes as a room or part of a home in which a woman may indulge in hobbies and interests without being distracted by other family members. It is often a shed behind the house.

During my youthful ages, I fixated on a particular routine as regards how my future would be. Fantasizing about working and cuddling with my spouse, getting married, raising children that would go on to challenge the world positively, retiring simultaneously with my spouse before 50 years and going on vacations. Yada, yada yada. In all of that, I never figured I would have to contend with the complexities of failure, heartbreak, rejection and the residue stemming from betrayal.

Now it might sound like the earlier paragraph is deviating from the topic, but bear with me. Remember the first person you fell for, whether as a teenager or an adult? And I don't mean something flimsy or like a fling. The person you first felt something that was gargantuan emotionally. If you remember this, then you remember how often you wanted to be in their presence, how everything seemed right when you were with them and how much you wanted to gain and preserve every minute with them. Maybe it didn't hit you that way, but it hit me.

And then there is a heartbreak, you are rejected somehow and you hurt so much that you never want to be in that position again. You reduce the time spent with the next spouse and the next and the next and somehow it becomes inherent in you so much so that this new trend rears its head even when you are with the person you love despite you not knowing why you’d want to spend time away.

The more you spend time alone the more both of you get use to spending time away from each other and then oftentimes it slowly but gradually becomes a bland kind of relationship.

Now I understand and feel it's ok to want to spend time with just the buddies or the girls but why can’t that be outside the home or somewhere else. Because more often than not your spouse will be trying to figure out what exactly is going on in the man cave with “the guys”.

What happens to wanting to spend so much time with each other that the man cave or the “she shed” just becomes another room filled with good memories of being together and not apart.

So the question now is... Man Cave or not?