Personal blog: There are hugs that are not forgotten
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There are hugs that are not forgotten, that say so much while they last that they come to overwhelm you, to move you, to change you. A few years ago a former college student changed her Facebook profile picture and I couldn't help but post a comment saying she was missed, and I was being honest, I miss her.
Let's say her name is Emma, a name that also means a lot to me for personal reasons. When she graduated from college she gave me one of those hugs that you never forget. Emma is one of those girls who generate comments like: “I wish my daughter was like her”, but although many of us think that way about her, her parents apparently do not, and in part it is because they do not know something very important about their daughter: she is gay.
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Everyone at the university always knew. She and her partner, another university student, let's say her name is María, they were always apart from good girls, good students, very appreciated by their classmates and their teachers, and that they were a couple was never really the topic of conversation, for everyone It was the most natural thing in the world, it was common to see them chatting in the corridors or eating in the cafeteria, they were and still are a beautiful couple.
On the day of Emma's generation graduation party, which is a year ahead of Maria, I was a little late due to a college event, and couldn't get a seat at the teacher's table, so I I sat alone at another nearby table. A few minutes later another teacher arrived who just couldn't come early, and a while later Emma and Maria came to greet us.
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Both the teacher and I were aware of the latest events of the couple. After breaking up for a while, they were back together, and the reason for the breakup had been the stress of hiding their relationship from their parents. Yes, that beautiful relationship that the entire university knew and nobody saw badly, it was a relationship that their parents were not aware of, as they were very conservative, especially Emma's parents.
Maria was Emma's only company at her prom. While many of her generation mates were celebrating with their entire family, Emma's family decided not to go to the party, and not because of their sexual preference, because they didn't know it then, and they may not know it yet, but because of the bad relationship with them derived in good part from having to keep it a secret, as well as his relationship with María. Emma was visibly distressed by this, so the teacher and I invited both of them to join us at the table; It was so that day, Emma, Maria, the teacher and I were family for one night.
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In the end we achieved our goal: to make Emma feel better and have a nice graduation night. At the end of the night, we all said goodbye and got ready to go home to rest and it was when Emma gave me that hug that stuck in my memory. Upon arrival we gave each other a long hug, she was one of my favorite students, and I think she always will be, and I knew what had happened, since I myself had sought psychological support with a teacher friend from the same university to help her manage better the break with Maria.
However, that goodbye hug was different, it was longer, stronger, without words, they were not needed at that moment. In the end we both had red eyes, a tear wanting to escape us, and a sincere smile on our faces. That hug is special for me because of everything that was in it: love, gratitude, respect, friendship.
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I remember it and I can't help but feel like that moment again. Few professions like teaching give you the opportunity to be part of other people's lives in that way. Seeing how your students grow as professionals and human beings, and knowing that you are part of it, to a lesser or greater degree, even if it sounds trite, is most satisfying.
And in that way one creates bonds, friendships, affections that accompany you forever. Like Emma's, who I know that, like me, will always remember that graduation party in which more than teacher and student we were family, and that hug in which we let silence say what emotion did not let us say with words when we say goodbye.
More than two years have passed since that party, and every time in a meeting they say to me: "And you, when do you surprise us and settle down ?!" I can't help but think that if I ever have a daughter, gay or not, I wish she were just like Emma.
©bonzopoe, 2020.
This text was originally published two years ago in Spanish on Steemit. Reviewing it, I have sadly remembered Emma, and I have decided to update it and share it again, hoping her story helps to make visible the problems that many young women like her experience due to their sexuality.
Emma stopped by to visit some of her former teachers several times at the university during the year following her graduation. Her relationship with her parents never improved, and a year ago, at the end of October, she committed suicide.
Thank you very much for reading this post and dedicating a moment of your time. Until next time and remember to leave a comments.
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This was such a bittersweet story, yet heartwarming in how you helped her to have such a wonderful night. Your epilogue of what became of her is so sad... 😭
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Shit. I just hate that people, any people, don't get that it's none of their business or concern what another persons sexual preference is. Finding a partner should just be enough to make any parent happy.
I have a hug I remember 25 years later. I'm not so much for hugs, and then I shied away from almost all. I was sitting waiting for a meeting to start when a friend wobbled in. I had seen him two days earlier in a Hospital where AIDS was ravaging him. Early 90s and AIDS transmission was a thing, a huge thing. He walked into the place and you could feel people recoil and move back. I stood up, walked across the room, wrapped him in a hug and asked him to share my space. People relaxed, visibly.
He went on to be successfully treated and in the fullness of life got his Law Letters. He'd previously worked for one of the monstrous banks so his pension had kicked in when he was diagnosed. He spent the rest of his days representing the poor and downtrodden pro bono.
Yep. There are hugs you remember. Thanks for sharing yours. I appreciate it and the memory it stirred in me.
I loved this, Tom @bigtom13 It is a story all in itself. xoxo
The truth is, I did not expect to awaken memories in readers, but I am glad that what I have shared has been echoed, and that others, like you, have taken the initiative to share similar experiences. Thank you very much for your words and for sharing your experience.
With my own father where we were constantly at odds with each other for many reasons, mainly because
He was from an entirely different world than I was (he was born in 1914). I was born in 1955, so that my
Teenage years were forming in the late '60's. I was a wannabe hippy, long hair, flower power patches
Sewn on my jeans, black light posters on my wall and rock music blaring in my room. In short, he
Had no previous experience with anyone like me. He didn't like my hair, he continually tried to
Guilt me into using my status as "a leader" to modify my actions. Other people were going
copy everything I did, so it was my responsibility to not lead them in the wrong direction.
I was having none of that, saying I can't help it if someone follows my example without
Thinking for themselves; I could not be held responsible for the consequences they
Might incur, and so we went round and round, until he died my senior year. I was
The driver of our family car when we were hit broadside, daddy taking the
Brunt of the collision, breaking all his ribs, puncturing his lungs. He died
3 weeks 3 days later, having been in ICU that whole time. I spent years
Trying to find absolution for the self-imposed guilt I felt in the
Bottom of a Bottle, which did not work of course. I am better
Now, thank god
Thank you very much for your comment and for sharing your story.
Thank you for reading and understanding @bonzopoe
This is both a sad, yet uplifting story. It is really sad that they feel they need to keep this secret from their parents, yet uplifting in the sense that they have each other and they had you to help them through a dark time and remind them that they're beautiful people.
Thank you very much for your comment.
It wasn't too long after beginning my own journey of recovery that I realized recovery is for everyone. For one reason or another: if they don't need recovery now, they will at some point. It's tragic she ended her journey as so many do. That truly is a hug to remember. 🥀🥀
Thank you very much for your comment and for sharing.
Even with the tragic ending, this story was so uplifting in so many ways. I have to wonder if Emma had ever talked to her parents about it.
I loved seeing Emma through your telescope, how kind and generous your view. I have had hugs like that, and you are right. You just never forget. Ever. And there will always be a moment, a thought, a breeze that wafts something in the air that gives it a fleeting thought.
And you are paralyzed with that moment, all over again. Beautiful write.
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Thank you very much for your comment. I really don't know if "Emma" ever talked to her parents about it. When I found out about her death, it hurt me a lot for her, but also for her parents, because if she spoke to them, and because of their rejection, she took her own life, I can't imagine what it would be like to be in their shoes.
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This post most certainly needs more attention; all lives are precious, and no matter what is going on in life, life is PRESCIOUS...
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Beautiful is all I have to say about the hug that was meant to convey this, "I wish you were my dad."
Thank you very much for your comment, you have made my day.
In some mythical future world, we are all just people - here to enjoy one another, bring out the best in each other, laugh at jokes and hang out together and be humans, and nothing else really matters. Kudos to you for just being there, and being supportive, caring and understanding. Those are the things that will rescue this world from the pit of judgmental despair we seem to have languished into. One day, it will no longer be fashionable to be caustic and divisive, and those who are will be the ones sidelined by their families, hiding in shame behind their terrible secret and ostracized by those who know.
Thank you very much for your comment, and I fully share your point of view. Hopefully we live long enough to see that world.
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Thanks for the support!
I felt this story in deep down. Tragic ending though. I have never really had one of those hugs before.
Thank you very much for your comment, and I don't really know if I wish you one of those hugs one day. They are very intense moments, but not infrequently charged with pain or sadness.
I guess its inevitable.
Loved your story ❤.