Under the influence of the new moon and work
It started days before the new moon arrived and it's a reoccurring thing every single month again. One month worse than others, just like when it's almost full moon, it can be a bit annoying or even ruin full days, but that my mood is affected by the moon cycle is one thing that's certain. It goes both ways honestly, because being aware of it also makes me able to go with the moon cycle flow in a good way. Today I hope that I broke this negative cycle from the past week.
A week ago, we heard that this would be the month to make sure we have enough signups for the project I'm working for, because next month it's either getting funded or not. I don't wish to share more details about the project honestly, but let's just say it's do or die this month. I don't mind as usually I perform well under pressure (maybe even the best in some situations), but I do mind that I'm now at this crucial point and again or should I say still waiting for others to provide me needed resources to get the job done in an accurate way as I wish to do so. I've been asking for it for months now and still they fail to provide. I have a hard time dealing with that.
If I do something, I want to be efficient and not waste any resources, and on top of that, I don't want to do things twice if not needed. Long story, but if I (and a few colleagues) had done things half-good at the start, we would have all wasted a huge amount of time as we would have now needed to do it all over again, sorry, that's just not my style. I knew that this was going to happen, so, therefore, a few others and myself included waited for some things out until they provided as promised. I don't regret it, but I do regret having high hopes for this job.
I could quite easily deal with it all until last week
Probably, it's because there's s deadline weighing on my shoulders now which normally wouldn't even make me nervous as I suddenly would make it happen moving fast forward. I also planned on having a kick start months ago, knowing that during the summer there'd be quite a few weeks with little time, and instead of having that, I had to wait for instructions several weeks. Some may enjoy getting paid for waiting, I don't. I hate it, it feels as if I'm useless and didn't actually deserve to get paid. It's just not for me.
Now last week we had a deadline to deliver translations and start posting on our channels, which made me think that I'd finally get my needed resources to spread around. Instead, they first "requested" us to fill in the translations in a totally different sheet once again rather than copying it themselves (mind you that the original file was FILLED with spelling errors!) which made me quite annoyed. After the anger calmed down, I decided to share my insights on how we could make this smoother in the future speaking from my own experience. Nobody ever responded to that email, probably thinking I should shut up.
The next day, I eventually turned it in as requested as I also needed to be able to continue, and now, as I already suspected, it's already Monday and I still don't have the needed documents (her words on Friday were: I will send them over when I have all of them ready rather than sending them one by one). Sending them at once makes sense if you have lots of time to spare, but not when you're on a last month deadline, especially not if the first week went to waste completely! After not even receiving a short reply to my suggestions (the email took me an hour to write!) I really don't feel it's my place to request it again so that I can continue my work.
Stress started to build up from that moment
And I spent hours talking it through with my boyfriend in the evening, having a huge ongoing headache for several days not long after the day started. So even though this job is a good opportunity if I get through the probation months (which they have extended for 2 months due to their own failures) I also decided that the pay isn't worth it if my private life and own projects get affected in a very negative way as they have been during the past week. Good pay is just a good pay, my mental health is worth more to me than that monthly payday.
So I decided on Friday that from today, I would not first open all my email and tasks for this job first, but spend the mornings on my own projects and private things that I wish to spend my time on, followed by everything related to this job after my lunch break. I'm not even opening my business e-mail because if I do, I get affected by new e-mails and get distracted towards that work even if I try to ignore it. It will be in my mind, so no more of that. The job is only a few hours a week officially, but I don't even mind working 4x as many hours a week because of the waiting period in the past, what I do mind is if that means the rest of my own stuff gets stagnated.
During the weekend I finally gained insights about my own projects
As if this was meant to be, suddenly I decided on some big things for my own projects which had been on my to-do list for several months now. I could not decide on what I needed to decide and totally lost the vision of what I had when I started it. I felt drained and lost the passion to even think about it because it would most-likely mean just another day wasted regarding that project. After making the decision to start next week different I suddenly found a template for my website which was a pain until now and I also was able to book a meeting with a virtual assistant as I saw clearly where I need assistance now.
Until last week I knew what was needed and had quite a few tasks lined up, but they weren't in the right order as I just didn't see what needed attention first and totally lost my sense of priority regarding my own projects. Suddenly, all fell into place again, and that felt so damn good! I felt instantly that this decision was the right one, and not let a project (that could possibly be meant to fail anyway) get overhand and slow down all my stuff while I was in such a good vibe before the stress popped up.
In a few hours, I have my first interview planned
I never did a job interview where I was the hiring party so I wanted to be prepared well. I'm a bit nervous because I really hope this person is a great match so that we can start working and I can get stuff off the to-do list and see things fall into place. I made a list of things I want to share and to make sure I will not forget to mention some stuff that may be important and hope we are a good fit.
In the past, I never thought about hiring someone that could take some tasks of my hands as they are something I just can't do myself. Why would I keep struggling with something I could do myself, but takes me 10x as much time while someone else gets the job done quickly? The first thing I need help with is design though, which I defo can't do myself, I just postponed finding someone as I didn't clearly see the next steps after that.
My vision got all blurry thanks to external factors that I can't influence. If you can't change something, it's best to not let it get it to you too much but focus on other things and that's exactly what I'm doing from now on. First things first, and then when there's time left, focus on the other thing. If it's meant to be, it will work out, if not, we part ways.
Thanks for stopping by!