I have been so busy the last few days it has been crazy. Overwhelmed would be the word. It has been a little over 4 years since I lost my job, and I just went back to work with timelines and boss expectations. I am enjoying it but at the same time, it has been quite a rollercoaster for the last couple of days.
I had forgotten what it was like. I remember I used to be so busy that I didn't even realise Mum was sick. So it was a blessing in disguise when I lost my job. I could finally "see" how sick she was. Not eating, fainting spells, not talking. Can you imagine, I was so out of it, I didn't know this was happening.
This here is Mum and me from about 10 years ago. We had gone to visit my brother in Australia. If I could be half the woman she was, I would be amazing!! As an adult and then as a mother, I realised how special of a human being she was. Apart from making it out of poverty and giving us all a good head start and choices in life, not through luck but sheer hard work, she had a heart of gold. She gave without expectations, she loved unconditionally. She was and still is my inspiration.
So can you imagine, I could not see how sick this woman was? The most special woman in my life. That's how busy the job kept me. And now, I feel I might be slipping back into that familiar territory. I didn't cook, I didn't clean house, I didn't blog or reply comments. It was crazy.
So this weekend, I finished some pending work and then took a deep breath and a step back. I cannot allow for this to happen again. The truth is, there is no work-life balance. It is a myth. But what I can do, is manage the family time. And when that's happening, or when me time is happening, I have to put the work aside and not feel compelled to check in every other minute.
One of the biggest lessons I learnt when I got the boot when the radio station shut down 4 years ago, was, it's just business. The amount of time I gave the company, the pride I took in being a workaholic, my loyalty to the company was just a business transaction to them. It was my life, sometimes placing it above my family, but to them I was replaceable, I was dispensable.
And that's the thing I need to remember. I am dispensable, replaceable to a company but not the family. I need to catch myself when I am about to trip into the rabbit hole. Coz, once you fall in, it can be tricky to get out...
Thank you for reading my thoughts 😊