Existential Crisis ........
Silence kills sometimes, yes it does especially it fucks your mind and brain sometimes. I wonder how it feels to be in jail, I can now feel why birds try to find escape route always. Days are long nowadays and I feel exhausted in the ned of the day, why I don't know.
Maybe it's human nature, I always thought after a long workday people feel exhausted and tired but now I feel like staying 24 hours in 500sft apartment is much more challenging than that.
I am feeling unmotivated, devastated, just like this broken destroyed pitch road. Today I tried to see myself in front of the mirror. After noticing myself, it broke my heart again. Well, I am not completely broken or maybe I am...
To be honest, there is no place for negativity in our lives, if our surrounding is negative it also effects in our mind but we try to recover. There are a lot of problems, crisis ongoing in my real life which I am dealing with every single day. If I were with my family, I am sure I wouldn't have to deal with these situations at all.
People think my life is smooth like butter when someone asks me how are you? as a courtesy, I reply doing good, especially to unknown people. I know everyone has to deal with their own problems, every single person is fighting for their own existence, I completely understand that.
Life is not smooth, everyone has to deal with the crisis, has to face hard times. Well, I belong from an educated high-class family, I never saw the crisis in my life, I never experienced how crisis looks like until now.
I am a very stubborn, egoistic girl, I prefer bearing pain rather than asking for support and help from my dad. Every day my dad asked me how's my life going and every day I pretend that everything is okay. If I mention him the reality of my life, he will start taking the stress and become sick and I can't tolerate that.
I am kinda frustrated because of the entire situation and trying to find a place to hideout. No, I don't think I am coward or timid, I just need some time for myself, want to detach myself from everything.
Well, I still see hope, a dream of seeing myself as a successful woman, at least I can hope for that. Otherwise, I would have married someone till now and have kids.
Many people ask me, why I don't get married? No answer. My silence made them think of different scenarios. Some think maybe I have problems, some think maybe I am hiding something and some try to figure out the mystery.
Tomorrow is another day, no I can't lead quarantine life if I stay home, it's gonna create a huge problem in upcoming days. can you imagine, how I feel every single day?
My whole year schedule ruined, my plans are ruined, my career stopped, my documents are stuck on education ministry.
Now tell me how should I feel??
Am I learning valuable lessons?
How I can be so positive where I can feel my upcoming days are dark...
Well, I am waiting for the magic actually, maybe a fairy tale story with a happy ending...
Being challenged in life is inevitable. Being defeated is optional.
Love
Priyan...
I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thought easily...
Find me on youtube
Don't forget to subscribe to my channel..
You can find me on Twitter
After all I believe in community power , interaction , connection and engagement....
Original post is written by @priyanarc
@tipu curate