Angry parent(short story)
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I snapped! Then I screamed. I get mad at my child.
It’s her bath time and she’s supposed to go in the bathroom now. I mean now. But she keeps on playing with her DIY slime while she’s absorbed watching at her tablet. So she’s not even listening to me.
I kept on calling her but no response. My patience ran out and raised my voice while I called her name out. That was intense. She answered okay in a soft voice. Then walked towards the bathroom where I already readied her bath water.
I followed her at the bathroom. Keeping it low and trying to be calm. Then while she undressed I asked her why she is not listening to me. But she kept mum about it. I asked again saying: Is it because I didn’t get mad the past days that you’re like that? Then she nodded her head. I said I don’t want to get mad all the time so you should listen to me when I say so. Still quiet. Then I left her to bathe herself.
Do I really need to get mad first before she listens to me? I can’t even handle my anger when I started so I just have to stop halfway for her sake. However, it will take a toll inside me. It will keep on bugging me. It will keep me guilty about what I said or what I did. And I need release. There’s no open area in our neighborhood for me to shout so I just screamed a lot in my head. Hahaha.
It’s just a good thing that it’s my laundry time this day so after I gave her towels and clean clothes after bathing, I started to hand rinse the clothes. It’s one of my ways to keep away from what I am thinking or what I need to let off. I usually take time doing house chores for that matter, for me to be able to let out my anger off, to cool down and to just think.
Now after all cooled down, she wanted me to carry her and so I did even if she’s too big and tall now. Then I asked her what she felt when I scolded her a while back. She said she was sad and scared. Also said I didn’t even let her fix her slime before going to bathe. You’re taking too much of your time so I got mad, I said to her.
Then she began to laugh as I recalled what happened and told her about it.
Gib. That was the first call. No answer. Inattentive.
Gib. Second call. Still no answer.
Gib!!! That was when she answered me.
I usually call her by her full name when she’s not hearing me. But at that moment I couldn’t control my emotion. I know it’s not appropriate to blame it on my unstable emotional state. And so I really really need to have a brake when things irritates me.
Yes, I am a mother of an only child. But I so barely handle taking care of her. While she is growing up, I was the only one tending to her needs. I was living with my parents about that time but they are both working so I do all by myself. Also the kid’s father works miles away from our hometown so he rarely comes home. Just when they have time to spare that he comes visit us.
So the struggle is hard. There is no parenting manual to follow. Just my instincts and my love for her.
So when we came to a point that I should scold her or give her punishments, I always feel so guilty after. I am alone most of the time so I am playing the bad cop good cop all by myself. Getting mad at her, scolding her, then after that I try to pacify her.
So maybe that is why she doesn’t listen to me that much. I lick the wounds I am giving her.
She’s a handful at times but she really is a charming one. We really get along fine until my anger issues gets triggered. And that’s what I am most scared about.
I question myself on how I raise her most of the time. Am I doing a good job teaching her some wisdom she needs to know? The unknown she needs to go through. The future she needs to be.
I have a lot to learn for me to raise her as a good person.
And I have to put it first in my list to manage my anger because I get irritated easily for some reasons I am still having trouble overcoming.
Again here’s my stop. See you again at the next train. My train of thoughts!