Practising being alone and lonely forever

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Not a sad post

For many years now I have decided that I didn't wanted to get involved with other human beings in romantic relationships. It is something I don't see myself doing.

This have many positives but also many negatives! Won't be talking about that today.

All that I have been thinking later is that I need to start practising more this modes. Being alone and isolated. Working in ways that I won't be sad because I will never have anyone there next to me.

I have indeed amazing friends that are always there for me. But we all know that People have their own lifes and having me as a friend with such a different choice in lifestyle might make it more difficult to keep having this relationships closer.

Sadness is my refuge but I want to change that. Because that is not a positive thing that will help me deal with the loneliness I have in front of me.

All the different types of personal relationships I had with people since I was born maybe made me this way. I am 33 Years old now and I was not able to heal from that. The times I have tried Ibhave always came out of it even worst.

That's why I feel that being lonely is the only option for myself.

Many times and because it happened with so many types of different people, I think that the reason I can't have any type of relationships with people it is because of me. I am the problem. I am the one that doesn't have the skills. I am the one failing. And that's when I get the most sad. Because I have for many years been working on becoming the best version of myself. Working on being the best human I can be. But still, apparently, that might not be good enough.

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6 comments
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Hey my friend all you can do is be the best you can be. If people do not dig it, then fuck them. Seriously !!

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I know. But then I need to deal with it and how I will survive for every alone.

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(Edited)

Hmmm... 🤔 I don't know! You made me think! I read the post again, curious to find am I getting it wrong. So, here it is how does it sound to me and how your words radiate out, sending the following energy message.

You chose the path you actually don't like. That's why you are practicing it to get used to it and somehow make a peace with it. Will you succeed? Honestly, I doubt!
In short, in some sort of way you just gave up! - Why? - I would dare to guess and say, because it's too hard and because it didn't turn out (many times before) the way you have expected and so dearly wanted.

Obstacles are the most significant and the best proving signs that we are on the right track! Their tough difficulties tell us how good and worthy our goal actually is. The harder, more complicated, and more frequent as they become, the closer we are to the finish line.

And there are two catches. You know them both.

"All the different types of personal relationships I had with people since I was born maybe made me this way."

There is something (or even several things) in the past that still hurts you a lot. - Why? - I don't know. Most likely you still didn't make sincere peace with it, accept it, and forgive what has to be forgiven to be able to hug and kiss the "enemy" for goodbye and truly let it go.

If I could give you an advice, I would say, "Get rid of those Zombies of the past, and hug and kiss them for goodbye, for good!

So, even if they return they wouldn't be able to reach you, impact you or whatever as you made a sincere peace with them. They would be able to bark but not to bite anymore, as they wouldn't be able to pass that invisible barrier (like a bulletproof glass) standing between you and them that you built with acceptance, forgiveness, making peace with them and letting them go.

And the second one...

"I am the problem. I am the one that doesn't have the skills. I am the one failing."

You know where the problem is, and knowing the problem is 50% of the hard work already being done! Besides, no matter how we want or even try, we can't change another human being. The only person we can change is ourselves.

On top of that there are skills. What a good news!!! Skills are one of those things that we can not only learn but even master.

Following you these past years, you showed me that you mastered many different skills, some of which I wouldn't even dare to try. Therefore, I'm sure you can master this one too.

In the process, there is just one Catch 22 to avoid.
Good old Einstein told us long ago,

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

I am over 50 years old and I still stumble and fall over this one, finding myself acting like a smart ass that tries to play an exception that would confirm the rule. Yeah, right!

So, when you said that you are failing, I was thinking how you must be feeling like a total failure in this regard, and I can understand that. But I don't think that you are a failure. I just think that you are tired of so many failings, unsuccessful trials.


This comment become way too long, and I'm sorry for bothering you with it, as all I wanted to say, is the following.

From the outside, you might appear like a fragile, slim Italian guy, but you are not going to fool me with that as I know how strong and tough you are inside.

Therefore, go back to that sunny balcony doorstep (or whatever that place was) and think, and rethink the whole thing again! You are not the one who would accept way less when you can have it all, and especially not when you don't like that "less" part (as otherwise you wouldn't need to practice it). 😉

In short, pack yourself together and listening Einstein's wisdom, go and make a new experiment. (They are endless, so I'm not going to buy, if you might try to convince me how you tried them all.) 😉

I don't know if you have few ingredients too much in your "recipe," or you should get rid of some entirely, or if you completely missing some others, but you need to shuffle it until you'll get the right combo.

Remember, you are not the one who would accept the crumbs instead of whole cake!!!
And why should you?!
That much, I know about you, dear! 😊

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