Just Babbling
It has been a while since I am truly active on Hive. Though I published a couple of posts last week yet I couldn’t read and engage on others' posts. There are comments waiting for a response on my own post. I feel bad when it happens.
Responding to the comments is of immense importance. It is a way to show gratitude to those who honor our work by giving their precious time. This is how relationships are built on a social media platform.
I will respond to them soon. Lol. This is what I have been thinking for last 5 to 6 days. For one reason or the other, I just don’t get enough time to do anything on the platform.
When these many days are passed without being active on Hive: without writing and reading, I start feeling like an emptiness inside me. It feels like something crucial is missing in life.
Honestly speaking, I also start experiencing anger and frustration when I cannot make my way to Hive.
The reason perhaps is that my mind accumulates too much that needs expression in the meantime. When I cannot express via writing, it starts transforming to negative emotions.
Something that often stops me from writing is the lack of focus. When the time of calmness isn’t available, I feel like I cannot produce good content, so I don’t write.
Nevertheless, today I decided to write without focus so that layer of negative emotions may shed of me; and I might feel better. This post is merely rambling with no particular direction.
It is quarter past one. I am lying on my bed. My eyes are heavy and wanna sleep. I hope I would be able to finish and publish this post before I fall asleep.
My mother in law is sick. She has diabetes and kidney problems. She hasn’t been doing well for the last two weeks. In fact, last Friday her condition turned like as if she was losing the life. She had been hospitalized. A family member at the hospital. You know how chaotic life becomes.
Some days ago, I wrote about the ear infection my son was having. He has recovered after a treatment of two weeks (Thanks to Allah). I was really happy as his allergic symptoms (flu) was also gone. Nevertheless, since last night he is having cough and runny nose again. It is worrisome. You know, what it means to have cough for a asthmatic child.
Ooooops. My eyes are literally going out of focus. I am seeing multiple screens of my mobile on and off. Before, I lose complete focus and write something like “bhhdtdydfgunbxyjkkkol” as I once sent a text message to a friend when I slept while typing a message late night, let me say Good Bye.
I hope the new day would be with new rays of hopes and would bring prosperity to our lives.
See you again
Bye
Thanks a ton
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Oh my angel.
You sound so much like you need some rest!
Take rest! Your people will still be here when you get back. And if they aren't...
Well... then they weren't your people, right?
Unconditional love. Or it isn't love. It's business. The end.
Sending peace. 💓
Hope you got some rest. 😘
!LOLZ. You sound quite philosophical.
Yes, I have many sincere friends here but then it makes me more obliged to be sincere with them.
Thanks for stopping by. ❤️
Stay blessed
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Well your post is sincere!
Yeah... that's always best. With everyone.
Sometimes philosophy helps me remember what foot to put forward next! 😁
Sometimes we need tor revert to philosophy - I think - to stay focused on truth, instead of on ego ❤️ Only human, after all.
Have a great day. Don't forget to look up. Breathe. And rest!
I think you are the one who weighs a lot before taking any step.
It is good 👍
Thank you for that. I needed to hear it! 🙏🏼
Some days I think I think too much :D
It can lead to action paralysis. But you're right. It takes time for the path to reveal itself. Patience is a skill!
Have a beautiful day, clever soul ⚘️
I don't remember whose saying it is, "Think a hundred time before taking a decision, but once you take a decision stand by it like a man."
Sending love, my love. May you rest well so you rise well and can continue to care for your humans in real life. May you have enough time and energy left over to connect with your other humans you love here. 🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗
Thanks for so many good wish, sister
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I understand you are going through some tough times.. I wish you well, I hope everything works out and you ll find yourself enjoying calm days soon
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I hope to return to stability soon 🔎
Thanks for sending well wishes and visiting my blog.
Blessed day
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True.
So, you are taking care of many people at home ... May you find the strength to do everything.
I took my son to the doctor today as he got fever too.
Thanks for the good wishes. God bless you too
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I find your honesty courageious:)
While it is hard to ignore your direct physical life, it is possible to simply not show up at Hive. Perhaps what you are missing is not the connection to Hive, but the feeling of being connected to your real life?
I know bloggers who publish regularly like automatons. No ifs, no buts. Stoically, purposefully, without interruption. Who know no time off and no holidays, and who even exploit these time off and holidays for publicity.
Unless this is a source of income for you that you can realistically count on, there are no obligations to anyone here. After all, no one has a contract of employment or social contract with each other until this form of contract is negotiated between specific people connected to each other. There is no direct relationship to the "masses", only to specific and selected people, right? However, no one from this crowd will show up at a birth or a funeral of your family, relatives and friends, will they?
To build bonds and lasting relationships, you can select very few online connections to give them meaning, otherwise it is just a superficial collection of confirmers or malcontents. All can live confidently without reciprocating comments. So that is fine. Why pressuring?
Try to establish a deeper contact with online acquaintances and you will find that it is much more difficult than in real life. Not only the physical distance, but also the time and cultural differences will make this difficult. This is not to say that it is not possible.
A friend coming from overseas or across several continents for the birth of someone close (or the funeral) is my example of confidential relationship. Everyone who doesn't know your clear name, address or phone number remains distant people. They can be profitable for business or image, that's true, but you probably don't need to expect more.
If you don't answer someone, maybe it's because you have nothing to say.
Also, my comment here basically doesn't have too much meaning since it's coming from a woman you neither know nor are likely to ever meet. Unless you have enough interest in each other to set such things in motion. The interesting question here is: how far does the interest go? Who would you like to meet in real life, who would you like to visit, who would you like to invite to your home? And meet your family? Who, on the other hand, would dare to do such things and feel comfortable doing so? Because in fact it would be a kind of blind date :)
I could probably name two or three people I met on the blockchain (with the continuation in the private chat room), but then doing it is another thought, isn't it?
Greetings to you.
Greetings to you, ma. It is nice to have you around with your thought provoking words, as always.
I didn’t get what exactly you mean when you say missing the feeling of being connected to my real life.
Mmmmmm. I think I need to contemplate how far it is true. May be to an extent. Only 10% or so. I do feel connected to my real life, but there are certain aspects I feel detached. Things that are like obligations and not really wanted.
Missing the connection on Hive is true (how far I have the reach to my consciousness). The time I spend on Hive feels like the "ME TIME" to me.
It is like I am free to be who I am, or perhaps it is a place which is like a passage of ventilation for me. You know, when your ultimate surroundings are not fulfilling to your needs.........
The truth is that I never looked at me as a woman staying at home, but I am the one for a decade. (I was not courageous enough to break the norms.) Being on Hive gives me a feeling like I am out of the home for a while, being able to connect and interact to the outside world in a constructive manner.
I don't enjoy being on any other social media though. Facebook is literally depressing to me.
I wonder the ones who do come to meet us in real lives, how many of them are really sincere. Some of them are only a reason of creating pressure on us.
Lol. I know it is much more difficult.
Hehe. The pressure is due to the unwritten rules of the platform 🫠
Well, I cannot say this about your comment. It has quite much meaning for me.
I do feel connected to you. Don't ask me the explanation. I don't have any. May be there are some strings of heart. You know, there are some people whom we do not connect for a long time but they stay with us forever. They have a special place in our heart.
Hehe. Then a thanks is still due 😉
It is.
There are a couple of people whom I met online. They belong to entirely different culture, language, timing, but then they are the ones whose presence in my life is a blessing. There is a lady whom I always want to go when I feel down. She literally helped me coming out of my emotional distress and facing the challenges with a new vision. My life changed a lot because of that particular relationship.
Yes, such relationships are rare to obtain in the online life.
I highly appreciate your presence on my post.
God bless you more
Good morning from here,
Thanks for your reply, I've been busy with other things for a few days so I'm coming back to what you said today.
... I think a lot about life and often come to the conclusion that a person regrets or misses many things they never did or undertook. While you find your - as you describe - rather conservative form of existence constricting at times, those who maintain or have maintained independence and an unconventional lifestyle are in turn affected by the loss of tradition and embedding in existing structures.
Freedom from conservative or traditional lifestyles can be very beautiful and exciting, but it also has downsides, just like the other way around.
The freedom that someone like myself, for example, has enjoyed in my life resulted in me leaving behind my home and those I grew up with to live life to the fullest. Nevertheless, as I grow older, I realise that people need a base and a home to return to. So one has not nurtured the connections, access to them may no longer exist when one needs them most, such as at birth and death.
The generational contract that exists in traditional communities, where parents take care of the children and the children later take care of the parents, is a form of existence that is increasingly being abandoned in modern societies and I see this as a great loss for the maturing and coming of age of young people.
In Western societies, I think this has to do with the fact that the religious and spiritual superstructure that holds such communities together is falling apart. People want to fill this void, but they do not succeed because they are now and will remain on their own without the stability and embedding in an existing community. In my opinion, this creates a lot of confusion, as well as loneliness.
For my part, I feel that I know both worlds. But already my son did not grow up with the safety of a stable community with all the traditions I myself was part of as a child. The natural identification with celebrating and respecting certain stations in life ends probably with us (father and mother and extended family), it already began ending with me and my siblings as our parents children. Growing up in modern societies gives you a lot of distraction and seemingly endless possibilities to "choose what you want".
For example, such nonsense as being able to choose one's gender and other stupidities. The orientation that religious or spiritual practice gives you is lost and I would therefore ask you and deliberately exaggerate this question: If you were freed from all that you consider rather difficult in your culture and origin, or in other words, if you were completely detached from it, would you not exchange something lesser for now the missing ideal of your religion?
I would say, for example, that those who spread an overzealousness about religious ideals and behave more priestly towards other people, as if they were a priest or an imam, have already lost the spiritual ideal and have already lost what makes people self-confident and capable of living. I assume this and I therefore also observe your and other cultures that are exchanging their spiritual superstructure for Western "freedoms" with concern.
Now, how I see it, there are always people who are not sincere within a community and actually that does not matter as long as there are those who are. When pressure is put onto people it will have the opposite effect than it intended. Sometimes one needs to be pushed though in a gentle and well-meaning way. Religion is blamed for many things but then I would say it's not religious people who are to blame but their anxiety to not "fit in". When people start to focus on what other people might think of them, all spirituality is lost. "Appearance" is exchanged for "being". If you know what I mean :)
I don't disagree that online connections can be gratifying and friendly, also that they can help to find a direction in ones life. I myself were given very fascinating and helpful tips and insights through what I found online with and in others.
I cannot really say why I turn to you once in a while. :) I thank you for your kindness.
God bless you too.
I can understand that. It's you kindness that you take time to reply. 🤗
Mmmmm. I think I couldn’t make my point clear, that’s why you took the conversation other way around.
It is true that there are certain things that I don't like about my culture, but it doesn't at all means that I am a blind fan of the West's mad freedom.
The thing that I wanted to say about the limits of my life is the type of people I am surrounded with.
Let me say things in simpler ways. I have a specific way of conveying and discussing matters. For instance, I love using quotes or verses or some research based information. How would you feel when the people around you have no understanding of things like that. Because they don't understand the things you speak, they start behaving the way that would make you feel a fool, or like you are someone who tries to show off one's knowledge.
Among many people in my life, I love talking to my youngest brother. We have conversation over ongoing events. He understands what I say and has something to contribute to my understanding.
The places I have always felt like living life were my academic institutes. I have no access to them now.
Cutting long story short, I simply crave for intellect and intellectual people in my life. People who have some wisdom to share.
I start feeling irritated of useless and aimless kind of subject matters that are the part of the conversations in m surrounding.
I think I didn't get it. I would loved to be explained further.
Agreed.
The feeling is mutual ❤️ ❤️
Good to know. :)
I would feel the same way you do feel about it. I think this is a very common experience between people all over the world. But then I like to ask you: If all people within your reach exactly understood you, never gave you the impression of you being a fool or wanting to show off (which you were, are and have done for sure once in a while, like every one else:), where would you get the chance to mature? These people, who annoy us, who seem not to understand, who speak not "our" language, aren't they the ones who teach us most?
They give us the chance to realize where it's futile to "make them understand", to let go of this desire and where it can be a needed challenge in trying to be understood.
I have four brothers and one sister. It's one brother I have a very intimate relationship with. Similar like you and your youngest brother. So there is a ratio that is five to one. LOL. I think, it's somehow normality to not get along in the exact way one desires and needs it but more in the way of struggle, negotiation, often trouble and the opposite "boredom," during daily routine.
Welcoming the challenges from people one knows seems to be more difficult than doing the same with strangers. It's easier to talk to you and challenge you than doing it with my sister ;)
Yes. I very well can relate to this. Nothing wrong with it:)
While I do share these exact emotions, I allow myself to answer in this way:
It is not the problem of those in whose company you get these very feelings. They cannot be held responsible for it. If simple and small talk is there preference and no attempt whatsoever from your side made them change their habit, it is you who can learn to take joy in small and simple talk and become contend in giving yourself this experience. Or, to learn to withdraw earlier without annoyance but looking forward what you enjoy to do.
I would say that everyday life appears to be dominated by aimless and useless seeming talks and tasks. But they are in the same way a reality like the background of a painting scene that does not live without the foreground.
I split the rest of the answer and make a second comment.
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It is true to an extent. But let me state the scenerio another way.
It is said that our personality is the average of personalities of five people closest to us.
People around us have a great impact on designing and modifying our attitudes and behaviors.
What if these annoying people are the only ones around you and you don't have a way out to the kind of people you relate to?? You would finally be modified into ones you didn’t appreciate initially, wouldn't you?
Aaaah! So true. Agreed 💯.
What an irony 😒
Makes sense 😊
test. I have changed my pw but now am having troubles to connect. Hope, this works
Interesting thesis. Since "personality" is not really a solid and final term to define, I tend to say that my intelligence or my ability to navigate a social environment depends on the smartness and stupidity of others and I can choose whether to align myself with the smart or the stupid. Of course, this is also far too simplistic, because intelligence is just as difficult to define as personality.
Perhaps if you tie it to a physical characteristic, it becomes clear what I mean. If, for example, a group of walkers has to walk a certain distance towards a goal, then it can only go as fast as the slowest person in the group goes. If there is only a slight discrepancy between the fastest and slowest runner, this makes little difference to the group as a whole.
If the difference is immense, it affects the overall speed.
This does not mean that the individual cannot run faster.
It is a decision whether to adapt to a person's pace or to ignore it and set your own pace. Since all people in a group never behave the same way, you can trust that there will be someone to keep the slowest person company and that there will always be those who will go the way of the risk-taker or loner. And everything in between. The roles also alternate and are not static.
I agree with that. And why not. It's also vice versa- It's a natural behaviour, I would say, and often it goes unnoticed because you don't think about it all the time, you just live.
Yes, I would.
It's a very rare and extreme situation. It means that you are physically imprisoned, for example. But as soon as one had the opportunity to escape from prison, one would choose this way out, wouldn't one?
To the extent that one misses relationships on a mental level or no longer feels at ease in a group, one can decide to leave that group. Of course, it is a high price that one must be prepared to pay. Breaking away from the familiar requires courage and a willingness to take risks.
To the extent that one does not feel able to muster this, the natural impulse to adapt is probably the best solution. In fact, this adaptability is one of the most remarkable among us humans and ensures survival. One learns to accept what one is unable to change.
But since this extreme situation is not common, and the annoying people are not the only ones in one's life - often one has a close caregiver in the form of a brother, sister, relative, friend, or colleague - the image of manifested hopelessness is more a mental matter, I think.
Yes one would unless one has lost all the courage. Lol. Isn’t it what I come to find on Hive?
Exactly. Most of the time, it goes unnoticed. Surprisingly, I have found me adaptive of several things like usage of certain words, certain styles, certain thoughts etc. unknowingly. Only when something strikes, then I notice it, "Hey, where I got it from 🤔 "
As it ensures survival, it is remarkable but it comes up with great price, doesn’t it?
To a great extent, yes, it is true.
Thanks for your thoughtful conversation every time @erh.germany .
!LADY
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Does it mean that you lost all courage? Not sure, how to read you here.
If it is the case that you lost courage and are unable to act within your direct environment where you lack the feeling of being embedded in a way you feel you need it, the only one who can find this courage is you.
It is impossible to find substitutes for the real world in a virtual world. You may have found on Hive a pleasant platform of intellectual exchange. But where you are unable to articulate and feel a similar community within your physical environment, it remains a poor substitute that holds the mind busy but remains there if no further deepening relationship takes place.
Are you really really certain about having a lack of community in your direct environment? What does community mean for you in your real life?
I have read that
In my work as a social counsellor, I met a young woman from Afghanistan. She fled her country at the age of 16 and came to Germany. I asked her why. I thought she must have had a devastating life, thoroughly unhappy. But I was very surprised by her answer. She said that she had no desire to follow the traditions of her family. She had no desire to marry and live a life that was largely preordained. When I asked her how deep the conflict between her and her parents was, she surprised me again by saying that there was no hatred between them and that she could have somehow imagined this form of life. Nevertheless, she took a very high risk to leave not only her family but also her country illegally. She took the route through Turkey and Greece and almost froze to death in the mountains and drowned on the Greek coast. She came to my country with nothing but her life.
At least, in one of those three instances on courage she was very determined "The worthiness of the cause". While I had not perceived from her many signals of the "danger of the situation" from where she came. She made the impression that she also could have chosen to follow the traditions but she did not. In her special case I felt that she did not so much oppose something but more embraced the new and the unknown. She took a high risk on her "perception of her ability" in terms of climbing the mountains during freezing times and such but nevertheless she did it.
Do I mean that everyone who feels somehow trapped in his culture or environment shall be brave in the same way? No.
It just shows that the most of us do live a life full of compromises and low risk everyday life. That is nothing to condemn. Though it can be regretted.
To free yourself from certain restrictions this, in my notion, cannot be done without losing something. Which is a win on another side. But definiteley there is a price to it. So, in the same way, there is also a price to pay for adaptation, yes. One cannot have the cake and eat it, too, is the saying. You cannot stay in the comfort and safety of a given (community, culture) AND experience the freedom of the not yet arrived desired change.
Yes, I lost the courage once. I don't know if I have it today either
I think I need to contemplate deeply before answering these questions.
The story of that girl from Afghanistan....! You shared once before, though a bit differently.
I can relate to her relation with her traditions. I mean the circumstances where there was no life threatening situation and that there was a loving relationship with her parents.
My circumstances were the same but I was never courageous to raise my voice. I was a coward.
Then life proceeded and kept on making me more afraid and fearful.
You know, the ffeling of being put in cage. Dependent on others. Always seeking the approval. It becomes a habit. No one is to blame but me.
There is nothing like life threatening in my life. In fact, there are certain thing that are more in my control (that were in not in preveious 9 years).
But I still feel restrained (because of my own cowardice, may be. Or because I don't have the courage to face the changes that my action will accompany)
Well, I am really appreciative of the time you spend replying to my comments. You never know, they might be like pebbles thrown in the water.
Thanks a lot ♥️
♥️
Don't put blame on yourself. Be forgiving with yourself, this may lead also to forgiveness towards people around you.
🤗
I will keep this advice with me.
Thanks a lot
When it becomes more important what others think of you, talk about you, describe you, feed you back with, than just being in each others presence without wanting to impress or defeat, for example.
People immediately start being too aware of themselves when they meet others. In their minds they start to ask themselves anxiously if they will be liked, appreciated, listened to (so it's about appearance). And all the way through being together, the inner chatter goes on and on:
"Do I sound stupid? Do I come across arrogant? Does he find me pretty? What does his look mean? Does he mean me or 'just' what I represent? Is she finding me sympathetic? Did I just say that? How stupid I am! How impolite is he/she! How superficial! Can she just behave? Can't he get himself together? What a harsh thing to say! Ugh! I wish I could escape the situation! Damn idiot! Damn me, for thinking this way!"
Or, the other way:
"Oh, how lovely it is here! I like it very much. Oh, this pleasure! Ahhh... I feel so warm and cozy... This tea is excellent! The chocolate tastes like heaven! Oh, how she knows me well! Like it. Love it. I like the way he looks at me. So nice to talk to someone who is interested. Inspiring. Refreshing.
Awe, look how cute! How adorable. How wonderful!"
And so on and so forth.
You might want to read Erich Fromm. Or Alan Watts. They are way better in explaining this. Or listen to some buddhist monks lectures. There are plenty out there. If you are interested, I will search you the links.
I think you have explained it well.