BETRAYED : A Short-Fictional Story Written By Okweri-Eric Odomero Golden

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“So it was you all along” I said as I turned slowly. Tears flow from my eyes as I turn to find out who was pointing a gun at me. “What happened to you?. What happened to us, ”those were the only words I could say. Unfortunately, I was answered with a loud bang. I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder as I fell down. I was losing a lot of blood and I could barely keep my eyes open. “How did it get to this point? ”, that's all I could think about as I lay in my own blood. I closed my eyes and try to recall how this mess started.

Few Months Ago

I had a big bright smile formed on my face as my secretary called to tell me Mel was looking for me. I hadn't seen my sister in years and I was looking forward to seeing her. We went our separate ways after I decided I wanted my own life. I literally screamed when I saw my sister. She looked more beautiful than I had remembered. We walked to my office and we started chatting. We talked to a point and then her face went blank. I asked her what was wrong and she said “Are you really happy with this boring life?”. I couldn't say I wasn't expecting that comment. Mel and I didn't really get a normal childhood. Our parents died when I was 7 years old and we lived on the streets since then. We did odd jobs for people, I got abused and almost became a slave.Then we started stealing. We went from pickpocketing to armed robbery. But it all went wrong, when Mel killed a woman. The guns were just to frighten them, not to hurt anyone. And that's when I knew it had to stop. I started looking for my family; uncles, cousins, aunts. That's how I found the best thing that happened to us, my aunt Ann. She took us from the street and she gave my sister and I one of her businesses. That woman loved me like her daughter. But for some reason, she took my sister far away from me.

When Mel saw how uncomfortable I was then she decided to change the topic. We talked for a while and she decided to take her leave. Why would she even say that? I love my sister but sometimes I really don't get her. I was very confused so I left work early and went to aunt Ann's house. As usual, she welcomed me very warmly. As we sat down and drank our tea, I told her what happened today. When I finished talking, her countenance changed entirely. Then she let out the most surprising words, “I think it's best you keep a little distance from your sister”. “But why? She's my SISTER”, l replied with a touch of anger in my voice. Then she said, “I love you and Mel very much but you know your sister. If she wants something she'll get it by any means possible. I tried to talk some sense into her head but she didn't listen. I don't think I can stop her and I don't want to lose you too. So please just do as you're told.” I became silent instantly. I guess I have to stay away from my sister. But I couldn't just give up on her without trying. I'll go to her house tomorrow and try to stop her.

I always thought Mel loved our new life. I thought she wanted a good life for me. Why does she want to go back to that life? Why would she think our life was boring? Is she tired of aunt Ann? Is she tired of me? All these questions flooded my head as I made my way to my sister's door, I need answers. At that moment, I noticed that the door was already open. Did she have a visitor? Did someone break into her house? Well there was only one way to find out. I let myself inside her house and I screamed at the sight of what I saw. My sister was lying in a pool of her own blood. I felt hot tears flow from my eyes. I bent down to hold my sister and I saw that she had been shot in her chest. I couldn't hold back my tears.
The police and ambulance got to my sister's home and took her body out of the house. I hadn't changed my clothes by that time so my clothes were stained with blood. I looked at my bloody hands and tears started rushing out of my eyes. That's when my aunt ran into the house and gave me the warmest hug I had ever received. “who could've done this to her?”, I could hardly hear myself talk but my aunt heard and she said “I don't know but I do know that everything will be alright. I'm here for you”.

Weeks Later

“It's been three weeks and you still don't know who killed my sister?”, I couldn't believe what I was hearing . The police who claimed to be doing their jobs keep telling me that there weren't any clue leading to my sister's murderer. I was getting very frustrated. My sister died three weeks ago and I still don't know who killed her. My aunt keeps telling me to drop the case but I refuse to let my sister's murderer go free. But the police weren't helping me in any way. Nobody provided the help I needed. And that's when it hit me. I had a plan. I didn't like it but I had no choice.

Christine was my best friend while I was still a criminal. I offered her a new life but she refused saying “she'd rather die a criminal than to parade with the elites who get rich by stealing from the poor”. But she made it very clear to me that if I needed help I could always turn to her. She owns a huge firm but that's just a cover story for how she really gets her money. I had cut off all ties with her but I'm desperately in need of help. Christine warmly welcomed me into her office and we engaged in small talk. As we talked I brought up how my sister was murdered and I asked her for help. She told me she would do everything in her power to find my sister's murderer.
After my encounter with Christine, I decided to take a few days to rest and do some thinking. During those days, I received texts from Chris on how close she is to finding Mel's murderer. I also received several texts from aunt saying how worried she is and telling me to just drop the case. I wasn't ready to rest until I found my sister's murderer. But I knew my aunt was genuinely worried, so I decided to go to her place that evening.

When I got to her place, she was in the shower so she told me to sit and make myself comfortable till she comes out. As I waited for her to come out of the shower, I started fiddling with some documents on the table. Then I caught a glimpse of one of the documents. It had a title written boldly on it. “CLEARING OUT THE PEASANTS”. I opened the documents and my face turned pale immediately. From what I was seeing, it was a plan to get rid of all the poor people because she saw them as “The nation's setback”. It also says she had been bribing government officials for years just to carry out her plan. And that's when it hit me. It all made sense now. At that exact moment, I received a message from Christine saying, “it's your aunt. SHE KILLED YOUR SISTER”. I was so shocked and confused that I didn't even know when I got up. I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE. “Don't Move”,it was my aunt.
“So it was you all along”.......BANG
I slowly opened my eyes. I was in a hospital bed and Christine was by my side. “How am I still alive”, I asked. Christine explained to me that when she sent the message she was already on her way to my aunt's house with the police. So my aunt was under police custody and my sister was avenged. But I knew that she would eventually get out of prison.

Few Days After

It was nice to get back to work. I missed sitting behind a desk. But I had unfinished business. I wasn't truly at peace. Christine was calling. “Has it been taken care of?”,I asked her. “ of course, but where do you want me to keep the body?”, Christine asked.“ Don't worry I'll take care of that”. I have a sigh of relief and take a sip from my morning coffee. Now I can rest knowing that my sister is at peace.... wherever she is.

The End

Hello everyone, it has been a while here on Hive, that's because I have been writing my mock examination in preparation for my WAEC Examination. Still in the process of developing my writing, my teacher @officialuroga gave me a prompt a long time ago to work on, and I have been working on it, finally it's finished. According to his message to me on WhatsApp, he said, "Write about someone who discovers the only family member they have left has just betrayed them." Coming up with this story was a wonderful experience, thanks to @officialiroga for always taking out time to help me get better. Please tell me what you feel I should work on to become better in my writing, if you love this story, please share, and look forward to another one next month, because I will be working on another prompt soon.

Thank you for reading!

© Copyright, 2021 @golden06


When I first saw the story the first time you sent it to me, I ask myself, "how is she doing it?" You are an amazing writer, I saw potential and I will continue to help you get better in my own little way. You've gat something inside, and this story is one of many stories that will show the world what you have inside you. I love how you took my mind through different part, making me ask, what is going to happen next? I wanted to see how it ended and I read till the end, you are amazing.

@starstring01 @lauramica @tripode @princessbusayo you guys should come and see this lovely story. I think you will enjoy it too. Thanks for sharing @golden06

To be sincere, I really enjoyed the story and thanks for being there for her and trying to help in your own way to become a better writer.
I really enjoyed the story and it felt like a suspense at the beginning but I kept reading till the end.

Same here, I really love the story, at first when I sent her the prompt, it was proving difficult to her, but with time, the idea begin to flow. I am happy I can always spot talent and I can render my own little help, she has been my favourite Student since I started teaching her since 2018, but as each day passes, I get to discover more about her, and I am glad I could discover this side that she own. I know there is more in this young lady, and I hope to I can help her discover them.

Help me thank him even more, he is such an amazing man, always going out of his way for others. I'm luck to have him in my life

I'm so glad you like it. When I just finished writing the story, I just kept asking myself “Am I the one that wrote this😂”. If I look back at myself a year ago, I would've never imagined myself writing something like this. I guess I really have grown and I'll keep saying it's all thanks to you. I really can't thank you enough🤗. I really do enjoy keeping the readers in suspense when they read my stories. It puts that spice to what I write. I hope people like it as much as you do.

Like is an understatement, I love it and you know it. I wish for you to develop more, well done dear, this is one beautiful writing, more to come, I'm already working on your next prompt, I can't wait for you to crush it.

Hey @golden06! You are great story teller. You have a talent here and should explore it thoroughly.

I love this story...betrayed by the only living relative. How sad. This depicts the reality of life. Most times, it's the people closest to us, who pretend to care that ends up hurting us.

I love the plot twists and had initially thought it was Mel that would hurt the story narrator. Glad to know justice was served at the end, albeit through Christine.

Nicely written. When you write more fictions, you could also post them in The Ink Well community. Well done. 🙂

Thanks for taking your time to read my story🤗 and I'm so happy you like it. Thanks for the beautiful compliment but I wouldn't really tag myself as a great story teller and writer just yet, I still have a very long way to go😅. I honestly can't imagine anyone going through this kind of betrayal in real life. But despite going through this kind of pain, she still powered through the pain and avenged her sister. She stayed strong for a just cause and that's what I want people to see when they read this story. Most of my write-ups have this unexpected twist, that makes the reader want to read more. I really enjoyed writing this story and seeing that people like it this much is making me so happy🤗. Expect more stories like this from me😉. Thanks for reading

This is a wonderful story, I couldn't stop reading until I was done. I thought her sister was the betrayer until she died. Even after she died, I never thought it could be aunty Ann.

I love the way you constructed the story, the suspense, the flow. Thumbs up.

My question is, how did Christian get in contact with the police, I thought she was a criminal, although you didn't state she that has a criminal record. But criminals don't like getting in contact with police.

I would be expecting your next writeup next month, keep it up.

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Awwwwwn! I am glad you read till the end and you enjoyed it. I'm short of words right now. Thank you so much. Well, the suspense is what make an interesting story and I am happy I could work on something of such. As regarding your question though, even though Christine was a criminal, she would like the police believe they are doing their job hence the need to alert them and then later kill Aunt Ann so no trace to anyone. Anybody could have want Ann dead in prison you know? Well, I also look forward to my next prompt from @officialuroga, I can't wait.

You did wonderfully well @golden06, I wish you the best in your upcoming WAEC examination.

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Thank you once again. I pray myself and every other students out there do well, we are preparing so well in my School. Thank you so much.

Really? Seriously you did a wonderful work here. I felt the story shouldn't finish but the prompt word suit the story
I can see you would be a great story teller and just so you know, keep it up and also keep writing stories of any title
This is interesting and thank God the Aunt was dealt with. How would one imagined a relative did this act?

Thank you so much. I am glad you enjoyed it. I also feel like it should not end, but I had to work within the prompt, I really hope to become a great story teller some day, it's really nice getting creative with my thought. 😂😂😂😂 I'm also glad I could make sure the aunt get served, thanks for your nice words. I'm grateful.

Why wasn't I surprised from the beginning of the story?
I sensed it was your aunt all along.
The funny part is her mission to eradicate every poor people in society and not just her family member. Is she a psycho or what lol.
Nice story dear.

Hahaha😂😂😂😂 you knew from the beginning she was the one, that's really good. She is clearly a greedy psycho, who does not care how others feel as long as she stays rich. Thanks for finding time to read, I appreciate.

Yeah, you know I have read a lot of similar stories or even watch in movies.
There will always be a not so good Shepherd in a family who will always later turn out to be the goat in sheep clothing.
It was worth the time dear.
Keep it up!

That's true though. I am glad I could make it worth your time. Definitely, I will keep it up, I want to get better and better. Thanks for stopping by.

Wow... Impressed with your writing. You should write more often and share your creative mind to the community.

By the way, I am @starstrings01 and I've chosen this post for 100% curation in Hive Cross Culture's curation project.
• You will receive a percentage of the rewards from our curation post.
• And this post would be featured in our next weekly digest article.

Hive Cross culture is a community for conversation about culture. This can be national, local, community, or personal culture, subculture or your ideas about culture, language posts etc. We also invite and support bilingual posts, and are searching for ways to support and grow the local communities on Hive. Come join us in our discord chat if you are interested!

Thank you, and yes, I am working more on my writing. I will always share more of my work here on hive. 🥳🥳 Thank you for the curation, I'm super happy. Thank you!

when you already have an idea on who's the culprit but you dont really want to accept it just yet, a thrilling story! 😁 thank you for sharing!

😂😂 I totally understand that feeling, waiting to see if your prediction is right and when you get it right you smile so loudly 😂😂 I am grateful for the curation, thank you.


Thank you!

hey @golden06... I amazed on how you developed a story by the writing prompt given to you by @officialuroga. This is truly a work of art itself. You must have a quite powerful imaginative mind to create a plot.

I envy this gift of yours, it is great. You should develop it and also write more. Well done.

@starstrings01, sometimes I am even amazed how I come up with the stories. Sometimes, I spend days trying to comprehend the explanation of each prompt given to me by @officialuroga, and I am glad it always turn out well in the end. Well, we all have one gift inside of us, there must be something you are really special at, and I know I will envy that too. Well, the goal is to develop, and I plan on achieving that goal.

Wow. Great story.

Thank you

You're very Talented i like your writing. Your teacher us doing such a great job.

The plot twist was impressive, albeit it was almost premeditated from the start like most Nigeria films 😂, but you still retain the suspense, so well done.

Thank you so much, it wasn't easy to hold on to the suspense, but I am happy I could come up with something, I agree with you, my teacher is the best, he takes is time to monitor us and try to identify what we are good at and help us develop. Even though I am a science student, I'm super happy I'm finally allowing my writing take form. Thanks for taking out time to read. You rock.




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@d-zero thank you for the pizza I am grateful.

This is so so good, good arc, good elements and characters.

Girl your mind is so creative. The story should be put into a movie.
@bruno-kema @prayzz come check this out

Wow! Thank you so much, well, when the time is right, we can always make a complete script for a movie, for now, I'm still developing myself. Thank you