The How and Why of Cheating: It's Not What You Think (Ep.2)

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The bitter truth is a lack of pre-planning does not in any way eradicate the consequences of your actions. Mistake or not, cheating is not only a deal-breaker, it is a betrayal of values, a complete violation of trust whether or not your partner finds out.

I mean this in no judgemental way but if you made a commitment why are you violating it? I bet you know the emotional damage it could do to your partner. Boy, you’re going to have to deal with some very uncomfortable feelings.

“If confidentiality, loyalty, trust, respect, love, commitment, and respect are at all important to you, then anything that goes against these values should be addressed urgently, whether you tell your partner about the infidelity or not.”

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Most importantly, if you have ever been cheated on, it does not in any way imply that there is something wrong with you. Sex plays a major role in cheating, but it is rarely the focus of the action. Rather, it is about getting attention from someone else. In a long-term relationship, a cheating partner is compelled by the excitement of an unexpected attraction.

Infidelity is not a judgment or indictment on the person who is cheated on. In my view, it's not because they're bad, ugly, or sexy. Rather, it's much more about what the person that cheated is going through."

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My advice for anyone who has been hurt is to get help, seek therapy or talk to someone you trust. The weight you carry is too much, it’s time to let go of that burden.

It’s okay for you to be devastated. Cheating can make you question yourself, blame yourself for the things you supposedly didn’t do better. You will be devastated but that’s okay. You need to give yourself time, time to understand that cheating is more about the cheating partner than it is about you.

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Cheating can make you feel like the bad guy especially if you only just made a mistake, so you resort to self-condemnation. Just please don’t. Contrary to what a lot of people think, cheating is a rather serious thing. It is an extremely big deal that requires you to take all the time you need to get over it.

At the same time, I need you to please understand that you’re not a bad person because you cheated (except of course you’re a serial cheat with no iota of remorse). Although you have done a bad thing, you are still a good person. That’s a huge difference.”

I stand corrected, the popular saying “once a cheater, always a cheater” doesn’t exactly apply to someone who understands that he has made a mistake and as such reflect on their actions, thinks about the impact these actions have had on others and makes conscious efforts to make things right. Makes a resolve to never put a partner in such a dilemma in the future — whether the cheating led to a breakup or not.

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If you have been cheated on, it is not the end of the world, give yourself time to deal with it. And, if you’re the cheat, the ball is entirely in your court.