theinkwell writing prize | Kingdom of Polenda
There in the castle was screaming intensifying between the prince and his father, the king. You will marry her against your will. He is your cousin, and more than one is appropriate for his wife to be the king of #polenda. Does he not return at that time, according to the king, that he will return soon after he leaves money and prestige while he is not trained to work and manage his own affairs. There in another corner of the castle, Melinda, his cousin, was meeting with the chief of the guard. From the prince, do not be a fool.
Well, #Melinda, if you thought, if only for a while, that I might forfeit my right, then you would see the hell of this world and leave it and go
And the wind always comes with something that the ships do not desire. The servant heard them and she could not stand Melinda because of her arrogance over everyone. At that time the prince was wandering in a face not knowing where to go until he got tired and sat resting and found an old man cutting trees came to him an idea when he did not work with him went to him and asked him to work With him, the old woman looked at his appearance, not indicating that he had worked before, just as cutting trees is a hard work. He told him, then, let me help me in filling and stacking the wood.
At the end of the week the merchants came to take it, and the old woman agreed and worked with him until the end of the day, but the prince asked him embarrassedly to find a place for him to sleep, because no one had agreed and the old woman pity him. He went to his house and there his daughter met him. The food is ready, my father. The house cleaned it for our guest so that he could manage a matter. The relationship between the prince and the old woman became strong and the prince told his story
And the prince fell in love with his old son.
In the castle, the servant was confused about her order: Should she tell the king what she heard, she feared his health would deteriorate, and the prince did not appear to speak to him until she settled her order to tell the king the king’s astonishment and instructed his servant to watch Melinda well. He came to him days later and told him that she met the chief servant many times they spoke and she gave him money sometimes here The king decided to know the truth. The chief of the servant asked him and told him Melinda told us that you wanted to get rid of the prince to become a king here. The chief of the servants shouted saying she was the one who was planning so the king smiled that he had fallen into the trap. Wife after that.
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Thank You
Thanks for sharing your story for The Ink Well contest, @mr-writer. I read it a few times and I am not absolutely sure what is happening. I encourage you to slow your stories down a little bit and make sure you include a few more details so that the reader can follow along and understand the story.
Here are a few suggestions that I think will help with this or future stories:
Here's an example of a short passage that is very hard to follow:
The first sentence is quite long and hard to understand, and the meaning of the phrase "wandering in a face" is not clear. There seems to be the prince, an old man and an old woman, but it's not clear which of the people the pronouns "he," "him" and "me" are referring to. These are important details that either give a reader a reason to want to read your writing, or a reason not to.
I hope that feedback helps! I encourage you to read our writing tips. The most recent one is here and it provides a list of all of the past tips.