Source: Image by @katharsisdrill
Mort, the Shit Manager is a spin-off fictional series of short stories based loosely on the thoughts of David Mortenson, the tyrannical Kwiksave store manager who features in my auto-biographical series 'The Horrors of Kwiksave'.
Mort the Shit Manager: 'Oppression Supreme'
Mort the Shit Manager: 'The Armchair Club'
Mort the Shit Manager: 'The Bloody Nose'
Almost two and a half years of tedious shelf filling was seemingly getting him nowhere. The Rochdale branch of Kwiksave felt like a nightmarish trap there was no escape from.
Bribing Buldge was not working; this particular boss did not feed on sycophantic behaviour and his attempts at arse licking had been met with pure scorn.
‘What the fuck do ye take me for wee laddie?’ whispered Bulge, ever so softly in Mort’s ear.
Buldge, like his namesake was a corpulent obese Scottish bloke approaching his mid-sixties and due for early retirement.
His belly hung over a badly fitted belt like a mass of quivering jelly, and rotated freely when walking during the rare times he left the office.
At 5’5, Buldge could be described as a living, balding barrel with absolutely no physical redeeming features.
‘Does ye enjoy fresh cream laddie?’, he continued in Mort’s ear, and without waiting for an answer wobbled toward the back-shop without a second glance.
Mort frowned upon the gluttonous figure ambling away with an air of nonchalance.
As if to add further insult, Buldge extravagantly cocked his leg mid-stride allowing a loud fart to emit from his gigantic arse.
Mort shuffled reluctantly off the shop floor and into the back-shop.
Mort, the Shit Manager is a Serial Shitposting Fiction Story inspired by Torundel the Shitposter by @katharsisdrill, Ren du Lot, the Shit Lawyer by @vcelier and Nordlute, the Shit Sysadmin by @steevc.
211 words - Starting with the words "Mort" - First and last sentence are identical.
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