Short Story The Abduction of Maria - Ink Well Fast and Furious Festival - Day Four

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(Edited)

Mind flies fingers run


This is my publication in response to the fast and furious festival task of the theinkwell community. The festival aims to challenge writers to write at least 25 minutes a day (or more if you wish) following the day's assignments.

My task on day 4 is to work on the Story Arc

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Imagen de Engin_Akyurt en Pixabay


Task - Day Four Prompt - Story Arc

When talking about the structure of a short story, we tend to talk more about story arc than about plot. The reason for this is ... your story must include an arc to be effective and to leave the reader satisfied that the time it took to read your story (vs. the thousand other things he or she may have chosen instead) was worth the journey.

Ink Well Fast and Furious Festival Quote - Day Four

Each long or short story must have at least one character, a problem that the protagonist must face, an obstacle (plot), a secondary character and the resolution of the problem.

During these 4 days of the Fast and Furious Inkwell Festival, I was able to learn about the importance of character description, the environment, the different styles of writers, and finally the arc of the story.

Practicing what I learned on these days I share with you the following story.

Answer


The Abduction of Maria


Maria was a 17-year-old girl in love with her boyfriend Juan who promised her a life together full of love. Her mother did not agree with this engagement even though she allowed it, she always told Maria to be careful and to observe the signs, if the boyfriend yelled at her, gave her orders in an authoritarian way, and made her jealous she was not the right person for her.

Maria ignored her mother, driven by the impulse and hormones of her age. Juan was older than Maria by about 10 years, so he was old enough to make a home. He proposed to Maria to escape and live together outside of the authority of the mother and her in her innocence accepted without thinking that her life would change forever and time would freeze in episodes of torture, hunger, decision, and desolation.

There was no way for Maria to imagine what the future would bring, many young women were going to live with their boyfriends and love can do everything, were the thoughts of a young woman in love. She never thought that she would not see her mother again, nor what she would have to live through.

Juan took Mary away from her city to another region, two hours from her mother's house, the place was unknown to Mary had never been in that city. The two of them entered an apartment that was on the 10th floor, it was an apartment building, the place was empty, it only had a plastic dining table and a simple bed, the walls were white and there was no television, the only thing it had was an old radio that tuned in few stations enough so that Maria would not feel the dark loneliness that was coming to her.

After a few days, Juan would only bring her the ready-made food and always the same menu of rice with lentils and water. He would arrive at the same time and spend 2 or 3 hours accompanying her, once she was fed he would pay her boyfriend by giving himself up with love for her attentions however Maria already wanted to visit her mother and let her know that she was well when she left she did not say where she was going or if she would return.

Juan was not the person that Mary thought he was, with time Juan began to transform himself to the extent that Mary asked him to change his food or let her go out to see the city, Juan got angry and saying that she was could get lost, that she was ungrateful that he gave her food, shelter and that she was complaining. Maria would spend her days watching from the window what was happening around her and sometimes she would listen to a radio station with a special program dedicated to women.

Her loving boyfriend had become a rude, domineering, abusive, and oppressive man. Every afternoon he would come to visit Maria, she would run to eat in desperation and would see the same dish of rice and lentils as a delicacy from the gods, she would eat it with her fingers like a hungry dog was her only meal of the day.

The beautiful apartment changed over the years in the same way that Mary changed. The white walls became gray and some had traces of blood and marks of violent beatings, dust and cobwebs began to appear, her room was dark and Maria went from having long hair to having dry, split, and tangled hair. Her face no longer had the freshness of a young woman of 27 years, constant purples on her arms, legs were the colors that adorned it, when one began to heal a new one appeared.

Scars marked his body and the beautiful woman who one day died on those four walls, while Juan was coming and going, the life of Juan before the eyes of the world was normal, he had a business that allowed him to live comfortably by keeping several women in different conditions. He lived with his mother, his wife, and his teenage daughter in a beautiful place, being a respected 37-year-old man in the community, however in addition to Mary he also hid another woman. Juan was a without remorse or love.

One day Maria decided to run away, she filled up with courage and made a plan that she would carry out when Juan slept, she would take the keys that she left on the table and leave, malnourished and almost without clothes she was full of hope to leave that place, she had not touched a key for many years and between the nerves and the anxiety the noise woke Juan up grabbing her into the room and leaving

These were years of suffering, hunger and thirst. In another desperate attempt, Maria waved to some people through the window but no one came. When Juan arrived, he forbade her to go near the only window and sealed it with wood, blocking the only entrance of natural light. Another day Maria heard a noise in the hallway outside the apartment, she began to scream for help but soon silence filled her desperate voice.

It had been 20 years since she had last seen her mother, She knew it by the radius that kept her in touch with reality, sometimes it provoked her to end her life but she had no elements that could help her, there was no silverware, no laces, nothing. One day she heard a social assistance program aimed at women that gave them advice, phone numbers, and addresses where they could go. A slight hope invaded her soul and she decided to claim her freedom.

As fate would have it one day Juan forgot his keys, that was the only chance Maria could not leave, so he took the keys and ran away from the place, he ran and ran under the building and started looking for an address, people saw her as strange but nobody helped her, she tried to talk to people and everybody walked away. So she walked barefoot, dirty and desperate through the avenues of that city until she reached the address she was looking for, the place she heard on the radio station where they helped women.

She arrived shouting ¡help me please¡, ¡help me! Pounding her dirty hands and long nails on the desk, "I've been kidnapped" I want to go to my mom's. At first, no one could believe her amazing story, let alone believe that her kidnapper was the person she identified, as he was a well-known businessman there. No one wanted to take her complaint until someone noticed that despite her homeless appearance she had a light of despair in her eyes. She listened to him and decided to find out more. They subjected her to forensic studies, fed her, gave her clothes, and once her appearance was improved, they went to inform her family about Maria's whereabouts.

They had to give Maria the sad news that her mother had died months earlier but she always felt that she was alive. The police wanted to give her comfort for all the suffering she had been through and they asked her what she most wanted to do and she answered, I want to see a movie they showed at the movies, I heard on the radio that she was famous, I want to see "pocahontas" and she was immediately pleased, she felt identified with that Disney character and her innocence was not broken despite losing 20 years in the confinement and darkness.


Thank you very much for reading me.

The image used today is pixabay free license and was edited by me with the program canva the author credits under the image. If you want to participate in this or the next writing challenges you can go to The Ink Well Fast and Furious festival page or to the challenge page on day three.


Story @soyunasantacruz
© Jan. 2021, Ana Maria santacruz. All rights reserved


Some of my publications/ Algunas de mis publicaciones

Fast and Furious Ink Festival Challenge - Day Three Prompt - Style

Fast and Furious Ink Festival Challenge - Day Two

Fast and Furious Ink Festival Challenge - Day One

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14 comments
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GOOD STORY EVEN THOUGH IN THE END I FAIL TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO JUAN AND IF MARIA OBTAINED JUSTICE. BUT INTERESTING THEME.

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My intention was to leave the reader with some suspense, because if the story did not become a novel 😬, it was no longer so short.

However, the character of John could have three endings:

  1. That justice will catch up with him and pay with jail and ugly events for the crime he committed.

  2. That he will go unpunished, before justice thanks to the bribery of the law and his lawyers.

  3. That he should escape, and that no news of him will ever be found.

Thank you for commenting and reading my story. 🤗👍 @mayifiestas

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Hello @soyunasantacruz Your content contains all 4 of the elements of the story act. The progression of the story flows from the time of the unaware kidnapping to her escape.

The story is a familiar one with young ladies who are lured away from their families with the promise of love, marriage, money or a better life. These young ladies are too young to make rational decisions that may affect the rest of their lives. Still it happens every day all over the world.

Did the guy promise her they would "escape" from her parents rule or "elope" in a romantic way?

I appreciate you sharing this story.

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Hello 🙋🏽 @justclickindiva thanks for your analysis of the story, I'm glad you liked it and could enjoy it.

I thought it was too long, but your comment and @mayifiestas left me very satisfied and the effort was worth it.

Thanks for your comment, you are always welcome.

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I am so glad she never gave up, though most would be scared seeing how he was someone of power.
And it was so sweet and innocent that she asked to watch a movie... a simple thing as a movie gave her much pleasure. I hope she finds many new things that will put a smile on her face after that horrible 20 years or so, locked up with nothing.

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What a nice commentary, thanks in the story I wanted to send a message of caution and innocence, I think I achieved it by reading your opinion.

The ending shows, how innocence is maintained in a person if he or she is frozen in time in an isolated environment in spite of the hard experiences.

Thank you very much for your visit. 🤗

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(Edited)

Really sorry, @soyunasantacruz, but The Ink Well does not accept stories about rape and other forms of sexual and domestic violence against women. Please check the Community Rules.

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I completely forgot, my message was just looking for a story that would carry a message of caution and innocence,

The ending shows how a person's innocence is maintained if he or she is frozen in time in an isolated environment despite the harsh experiences.

There is no revenge, no hate.. Please review my story and if I can edit a few words I will be happy to do so, which is left to the reader's imagination. I look forward to your response. @shanibeer

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I have edited the story, from beginning to end.

Even taking out paragraphs, I would appreciate it if you could review it again. I apologize for any inconvenience caused. Thank you. @shanibeer please @shanibeer please @shanibeer

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I take the liberty of asking you two questions:

  1. Can I participate again in day 4 with another story?

  2. Can I use this publication that has been blocked in another community? Have I already made an edition improving the message?

I am waiting for your answers or suggestions. Greetings and thank you. @shanibeer

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