The Great Adventure

Jack climbed, scampered, clambered, and panicked his way to the highest point that he could find. Holding onto the horns he found there for dear life he turned to look at the oncoming tidal wave heading directly toward them. His hands gripped the horns so tight his knuckles turned white, and his eyes widened to sizes that would otherwise seem impossible upon his small features. In a few moments they would be overcome.

He had to help in the only way that he could. They say that in moments of crisis time seems to slow down, allowing a person to make decisions about the immediate emergency at hand. Jack was no different. Turning to look at the escape route which was very quickly closing on them, Jack acted instinctively with something that he had learned in the recent past and - reluctantly - pulled one hand away from the horns he was clinging to so desperately. Ahead of him, mimicking his hand, was a large, ghostly image of a hand which he used to wipe the escape path clear. He then had the opportunity to scream.

"Run!"

"RUN!!"

---

Perrinulth Tosslebough Longbreeches - or Jack as he preferred to be called - had been rather happily sitting in a tavern regaling some curious tavern-folk about a great story, one that was “very definitely absolutely all true,” about a really mean spirited green dragon who had been eating his villages sheep. Jack was a Bard. And a Halfling. Or a half-Halfling, which he thought must make him a Quarterling or something like that. His father was a Half-Elf, his mother a Halfling and that made Jack… well, it really just made him Jack. And like his father, he was a Bard. He chose to be a Bard. He liked to be a Bard.

So Jack was in a tavern, telling his story to anyone who would listen - even those who wouldn’t - and was definitely engrossed in his telling of it. He would flap his arms pretending they were wings, scamper on all fours and bleat like a sheep, and otherwise carry on in the best way he knew how. He even brought his instruments! He had a drum which he would beat loudly for emphasis (very loudly), and had just put his hands onto his trusty bagpipes when, quite suddenly… he was gone.

Jack blinked. He looked around. He was confused. He was no longer in the tavern, with his incredibly awesome and intriguing audience, but was now... in a summoning circle? With people he has never seen before. Two people. One of whom was an elf, who looked very regal and the other... whoa! That second dude had horns on his head! Growing out of his head! That was so cool.

"Oh good! You're here!" A voice from outside the circle distracted them all. "Come, hurry!" An older man who owned the voice now knelt outside the summoning circle and began to erase it with a rag. "It's good that you're here. We haven't much time!"

The elf arched a brow. Always regal.

The man with the horns scowled. That seemed fitting.

Jack looked from elf, to horn-man, to old human, and spoke up. "Hi! I'm Jack. Um... who are you? And where are my bagpipes?"

"I am Elgoth," the man replied as he stood. "And I am afraid to say that my village is in grave danger. We need you three to save us all!"

Jack's entire demeanour brightened. He was going to be a Hero! He immediately forgot about his bagpipes.

---

Elgoth explained to the three that he was a mage of some great reknown and, unfortunately, a mage who has made some enemies. He had been, over the course of the last several days, working on enchanting an extraordinary yellow rubber duck with a magnificent enchantment that would change the experiences of baths forever for the better. His rubber ducky has, however, been stolen! And the enchantments on it have not yet been completed. If he does not get the rubber ducky back soon, there's no telling what chaos magic could result! He needed - nay, the entire village needed - these three brave adventurers to find his rubber duck!

"So, you're a mage," Jack asked.

The man nodded, sagely. "I am."

"I know a little about magic!" Jack replied excitedly. "Do you have a magic library I could look at?" Oh, this would be awesome!

Elgoth, studying the small man in front of him, narrowed his eyes. "No," he said hesitantly. "Not one that is open to the public."

Jack made a face. Not a big one, but a face.

"If you're a mage," one of the others began, finally piping up to offer some assistance, "Why do you not just summon your duck back on your own?"

The mage rolled his eyes in exasperation and began a long winded explanation of why he could not do that - it had something to do with blah blah blah, and blah blah blah, was about all Jack heard. He was busy looking for a door and... oh! That door must lead to the library. Not only was Jack a Bard, but he was really good at sneaking about unnoticed. While the elf and the horn-man were talking to the mage, Jack snuck through the door and... oh wow, it was like stepping into something magical.

And it was magical! This was a great, magnificent library full of books! Jack knew a little bit about magic, too. He wasn't sure he knew how he knew, but he knew that he did know, and that was enough. He thinks it might have had something to do with sneaking into that other mage's house when he was smaller, and looking around there, too. He liked to paint faces on those books with the ink that he found. That was always fun. He remembers getting scared and running one day when the mage walked into the room. He looked pretty angry, and pretty soon there was fire coming from... well, you know, Jack didn't really know where it was coming from, but it was coming from the mage, and it was everywhere. Everywhere. He grabbed the book he was doodling on and ran as fast as he could. Just as he escaped the house, the entire house exploded in a magical display of fire, fireworks, bats, flying skulls, toads, and newts (and Jack still didn't know what a new was) and all sorts of other things. The force from it knocked Jack right onto his behind. After watching the rather impressive show that completely destroyed the house, Jack looked at the book in his lap and found that every page was now empty. No writing. No ink. No faces! Nothing. Ever since then, Jack could do things. Jack liked magic.

Anyway, this room was just like the other room! Except this one wasn't on fire. Jack started to look around. He found a lot of books, but no ink. What kind of mage didn't use ink? Jack scowled. Absentmindedly he opened a book and... ouch! ZOT Suddenly a pillar of fire blasted down from the ceiling and sent Jack flying several feet backward. Ouch! That hurt! What is it with mages and fire anyway? Ow. Jack made another face, rubbed his sore behind, and decided to rearrange the books in the shape of a frowny face on the floor. He then quietly snuck back into the other room.

Jack returned to the other room just in time to hear the mage explain that his summoning spell was intended to find the three heros who were best suited to the task at hand, and that, further, he has narrowed down the suspect list to three people: his sister in law, his former maid who quit just yesterday, the day the duck went missing, and a miscreant named "Offolo," who was apparently starting his own religion around the god "Nomagic" whose entire existence was to eliminate magic. Further, "I should be able to return you all to where you were summoned from after the duck has been returned."

Resigned to their fate, the elf of the group suggested that they go speak to the sister in law who, coincidentally, was currently upstairs in the kitchen.

The trip upstairs into the kitchen was actually a long trip. It was a large flight of stairs! And it was quiet enough to be noticeable, so Jack felt he should fix that. "You know," he said conversationally to the elf, "I'm an elf, too."

The elf - Gaius was his name - looked down at Jack with an arched, disbelieving brow. "No, you are not," he replied matter of factly.

"But I am!" Jack protested. "My dad was an elf!"

"No, he was not," Gaius droned in response. "I can tell by looking at you that he was not."

Jack was about to protest some more when they finally entered the kitchen. Inside the kitchen were two... horn-women, is the best way Jack could describe them. They looked like the horn-man who they were summoned with, except they were women. They were tall. The taller one looked wise, somehow, and the smaller one of the two had flowers in her hair, brown horns, and deep, deep red eyes. Jack gasped. She was beautiful!

It did not take long for the two groups to come to an understanding of the current situation. The two women understood full well that Elgoth summoned them to find the duck. The taller one was his wife, and the younger one the sister-in-law named Lilly. Lilly saw Jack staring at her and, in her fashion, she stared back.

All eyes were now on Jack. Lilly was staring at him. The wife was staring at him. His two comrades were staring at him, wondering what he was thinking, no doubt. And Jack was staring at Lilly. "I did not take the duck," Lilly said simply and firmly toward Jack. "I have no need of that fool's duck."

Jack wasn't sure. She probably had good reason, and he was determined to get to the bottom of it, whatever "it" was and wherever it's "bottom" might be. And he knew just what to say. He looked up - way up - at those dark red eyes and said what had to be said. "Can I touch your horns?"

Lilly blinked, but otherwise made no outward appearance of surprise. "No, you may not."

There was that word again. No. He heard it a lot. Jack wondered if people really knew what it meant when they kept saying it. And.. Oh! "Do I smell cookies?" Jack asked excitedly, suddenly realising that they were indeed in a kitchen and that the two women were, indeed, baking cookies. Elgoth's wife smiled. "Yes, they're very fresh. Would you like one?" "Oh yes please!" Jack prided himself on his manners.

While Jack began munching on cookies - oh they were good! And they were fresh, right out of the oven! - his new compatriots began to have a discussion with Lilly and the mage's wife. Jack stood back and watched (and tasted) and listened. He was actually really good at listening, once he was made to be quiet. Cookies were good at that.

Nicor - the man with the horns - was also rather quiet. Tall. Big. But quiet. He only seemed to talk when he absolutely needed to.
Gaius - the elf - was thoughtful. Brooding. Beautiful, like all elves are, but he seemed angry. Maybe Jack could help with that.

The conversation turned toward Lilly who, ultimately, admitted that she was also a mage (oh how that made Jack's heart leap with joy) and that Elgoth had stolen one of her spells! Now that rankled Jack's sensibility. That thief! "So you stole his duck to get back at him!" Jack suddenly blurted out. He wasn't sure if she was justified or not.

"What? No.. no!" she exclaimed in surprise, almost having forgotten that Jack was even there. "I did not take his stupid duck. If you really want to talk to someone who may have taken it, you should go talk to Mary, the maid. She had a falling out yesterday and left in a huff after quitting. She has reason!"

Jack eyed Lilly dubiously. She looked directly back at him with a challenging gaze, practically daring him to question her further. "Are you sure I can't touch your horns?"

"Get out."

---

On the way to Mary the maid's place the trio stopped by a shop to pick up some essential supplies; because they had all been so abruptly summoned from whatever they were doing, they did not have all their supplies with them. At least Elgoth offered up a promissory note to the shop owner so they were able to get what they needed: a bow for Gaius, a short sword for Nicor, and a long dagger for Jack. Jack had really wanted the short sword that Nicor had - it would have been a great two handed sword for Jack! - but the others steadfastly refused, so he had to resign himself to the dagger. And a hat. He also found himself a magnificent hat with a wide brim to keep the sun out of his eyes.

Jack talked the entire way to Mary's. He learned that Gaius was a rogue who knew some magic, too, and that Nicor was very much in tune with nature. Nicor used the term 'druid', which Jack didn't really understand, but understood to mean "in love with the trees." That was something that Jack could appreciate.

Before too long they found Mary's small house with Mary herself out front doing some laundry. She looked up and squinted at her new visitors. "Can I help you?" Jack started to answer, but Gaius The Stuffy quickly cut him off "We are here to discuss Elgoth's missing rubber duck."

Mary rolled her eyes. "Elgoth," she muttered. "Isn't it enough that he fired me yesterday? Now he needs to send thugs to harass me about something?"

Jack began to poke about the piles of laundry. There was a lot of laundry. Like, a lot. He looked from one pile of launder to her with a suspicious glint in his eyes. "Why is there so much clothing?" he asked in all seriousness. To emphasize, he held up a shirt. "This isn't even yours. It's for a man."

"I'm a laundress," she replied to Jack matter-of-factly. "I wash clothes."

Ooooh! "My mother was a laundress too!" Jack exclaimed excitedly. "Here, I'll help." He rummaged through some of the 'dirty' pile, pulled out a shirt that was obviously badly stained, and murmured a few words at it. Lo! He presented the shirt to Mary with pride. "Here you go."

"That shirt was green!" Mary protested.

"And now it's a clean white!" Jack answered proudly. He didn't mention that it was only an illusion that would last a couple hours.

Nicor snatched the shirt away from Jack, glowered at him, examined it, and placed it into the clean pile. Gaius eyed Jack, then began to speak to Mary. "The mage and his family said that you quit," Gaius spoke. "You say you were fired. If you were fired, you certainly have reason to steal something precious for revenge."

"I did not steal anything," Mary gasped in exasperation. She waved a hand to display all her work. "I am far too busy trying just to earn a living. If you don't believe me, feel free to search. I have nothing to hide." She paused a moment and let out a dejected sigh. "I have nothing."

Jack blinked at her. He frowned with sadness creeping into his features. "C'mon guys," he said softly. "Let's go see that other guy." Nicor and Gaius exchanged glances, nodded, and began to turn away. "Sorry to bother you," Gaius said to Mary as they left. Jack stole one look back at Mary as he trotted to catch up to the other. Poor woman. So sad.

---

The trio walked in silence toward their next destination, which happened to be just outside of the village. They were visiting a man named Offalo, who was apparently a priest of a new God named Nomagic, who wanted to destroy all magic. Now, Jack believed in the gods and goddesses and all the other who might be in between, but he didn't believe in anything named Nomagic. That seemed just odd. Gods and goddesses and all those in between were all about magic, after all, weren't they? And even so, they certainly don't take an interest in mortal affairs. At least not for Halflings. Or Half-Halflings.

Walking up the path to Offlao's house, or "temple" as Mary called it, they saw that the temple was less a temple and more a.. not even a hut. It didn't even have walls. There wasn't much there at all. What there was was underwhelming. Even Jack was dissapointed. There was a bucket. A sign reading "Repent! Destroy all Magic!" And.. a Halfling! There was a Halfling! Jack's face lit right up and he marched right up the path to meet one of his fellows. He was met with a sign thrust toward him.

"Repent!" The Halfling bellowed. "Repent! Destroy all magic, and donate here!" The "Repent" sign held against Jack's face was just as quickly replaced by a mug which the Halfling jingled for emphasis - coins go here.

Gaius easily arrived at this point. "Ah. You must be Offalo, the first priest of... Nomagic, is it?"

The Halfling named Offalo straightened himself proudly. "Yes! And Nomagic insists that all magic items are destroyed! You can help by supplying some coins. Non magical coins, of course." The mug was jingled again, to each of the trio in succession.

It was the jingling of the few coins in the mug that made Jack realise that Elgoth did not promise to actually pay them. They were doing the wizard's work for free! Jack opened his mouth to say something, came to the horrifying conclusion that he didn't even know what to say, and shut his mouth again. He was confused! Mouth, opened, silence, closed. Jack took a few steps back to consider this incredibly bizarre turn of events.

"We are looking for Elgoth's missing rubber duck," Gaius explained in a tone which made it clear he was losing his patience with this entire escapade. "And from what we can discern, you were there, and you took it."

Of course Offalo denied taking the duck. He was vehement about it, in fact. At this point, however, Jack wanted to get back to the wizard to talk about payment, and he knew just how to fix this problem. Shouldering his way forward, he stood directly between Gaius and Offalo, faced Offalo, and presented his best case.

"Yes you did!"

"No I did not!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

What made it worse was that this was a fellow Halfling acting like this! How embarrasing.

Nicor strode over to Jack, picked him up by the waist, and removed him from the discussion, allowing Gaius to continue his questioning. "But he took it!" Jack protested. "He took it!" Regardless of what Jack believed or felt, he was deposited on the ground while Gaius continued to question Offalo.

This was going absolutely nowhere. Three people they have spoken too, and all of them claim innocence. And this was a Halfling! There was something about him that was just... off. And Jack wanted to be paid! Jack spun. His eyes narrowed. He eyed the bucket. He whispered. And the bucket bellowed. Loudly.

"Give them the duck!" the bucket bellowed louder than a goat in a hail storm.

Well, this certainly had an effect. Gaius and Nicor both jumped in startlement. For his part, Offalo not only jumped higher than the others, but he stared in wide eyed disbelief at the bucket. "But.. but..." he stammered.

Then it happened again, even louder and angrier than before. "Give them the duck!"

Well, now. Four things happened in very quick succession. Offalo screamed like a one year old infact. With is face in an absolute panic, he pivoted on his feet to begin to flee at the highest speed possible. He then turned invisible - Jack could tell that Offalo was merely invisible because he could still be heard shrieking. And then a duck dropped from about where... well.. from about where Offalo's rear-end may have been.

The duck! The three compatriots looked at each other and shared something resembling a smile. It was the duck! Nicor padded forward to retrieve the duck.

And then a fifth thing happened: another duck fell.

And then another.

And another.

And another.

Before too long a deluge of ducks was upon them. Rubber ducks. What started off as a handful of rubber ducks in very short order turned into a tsunami that threatened to drown them all. Gaius was the first casuality, though thankfully not a fatality; Gaius had turned to begin running back down the path, away from the house, but tripped over a host of ducks that had found their way in front of him, landed on his face, and received a bloody nose. Thankfully he was able to scamper back to his feet before being completely overtaken.

They were surrounded.

Jack climbed, scampered, clambered, and panicked his way to the highest point that he could find; Nicor's shoulders. Holding onto the horns atop Nicor's head for leverage - and- for dear life he turned to look at the oncoming tidal wave heading directly toward them. His hands gripped the horns so tight his knuckles turned white, and his eyes widened to sizes that would otherwise seem impossible upon his small features. In a few moments they would be overcome.

He had to help in the only way that he could. They say that in moments of crisis time seems to slow down, allowing a person to make decisions about the immediate emergency at hand. Jack was no different. Turning to look at the escape route which was very quickly closing on them, Jack acted instinctively with something that he had learned in the recent past and - reluctantly - pulled one hand away from the horns he was clinging to so desperately. Ahead of him, mimicking his own hand, was a large, ghostly image of his hand which he used to wipe the escape path clear. He then had the opportunity to scream.

"Run!"

"RUN!!"

They ran. Rather, Gaius and Nicor ran, but not fast enough. Jack tried his best to keep clearing a path, but the onslaught of ducks was overwhelming. Gaius tried to fight them off with a sword. Nicor tried to fight them off with his fists. Jack screamed.

At the same moment Jack screamed a lightning bolt suddenly shot down from the sky, sending duck's scattering. It was like the duck apocalypse with rubber duck parts spread seemingly all over creation, flying this way and that. Jack startled himself, thinking he had somehow learned a new trick, though to his dissapointment it turned out to only be Elgoth, making a timely appearance.

"Quickly!" Elgoth yelled above the cacaphony of duck chaos. "Lure them to me!"

Well, that was easy to do. The massive lightning bolt had happened to clear a path, so Gaius and Nicor - with Jack clinging desperately to Nicor's horns - ran as fast as they could. Jack, of course, encouraged them.

"Run!"

That seemed to help Nicor, who was suddenly finding himself running faster than before; even with the extra and uneven weight of a Halfling swaying on his shoulders, Nicor was substantially faster than Gaius. Regardless, the ducks were in hot pursuit. It was almost as if they were alive.

Nicor passed Elgoth and slowed to a trot, then a standstill, despite Jack's complaints from his vantage point. "Run!" Gaius was moments behind, and the swarm right behind him. The swarm of ducks, however, was met with widespread mage fire (seriously, Jack thought to himself upon seeing this, what is it with mage's and fire?). Withim moments, the only remains of the ducks was a very powerful melted-rubber odour and dripping, melted caracasses spread across the yard.

---

Back at the mage-house, the trio again found themselves in the kitchen, though this time as welcome guests. Jack was regailing Lilly with his feats of heroism while she continued to supply him with cookies. Elgoth counted out some gold into some pouches and proceeded to pay the newly-minted heroes with their due. And then it was time to go.

As much fun as Jack had had, he was eager to return home. He had more people to tell of his great adventure! Yet, he was also somewhat sad. It had indeed been a great adventure, and he was sorry to see it end.

Jack, Gaius, and Nicor all entered the newly chalked-out summoning circle, Elgoth stood to the side and with great, sweeping gestures and intonations called upon all the magics that he had learned and... nothing. Nothing happened.

"Hunh," Elgoth muttered while shaking and looking at his wand quizzically. "That has never happened before."

Nicor looked unamused. "What?" he demanded simply.

"This... isn't working." Elgoth frowned. He fetched a new wand from a table and repeated the spectacle.

Still nothing.

A whole lot of nothing in fact.

Elgoth scratched his chin. "Well. I hate to say this, but until I can figure this out, you'll all need to stay."

"We're stuck?" Gaius droned.

"We're stuck," Nicor muttered.

"We're stuck!" Jack yelled in glee. "You're my new best friends!"

---

(c) All images and photographs, unless otherwise specified, are created and owned by me.
(c) Victor Wiebe

---

About Me

Amateur photographer. Wannabe author. Game designer. I dabble a little in a lot. General all around problem-solver and creative type.

Founder of Photo 52 weekly photography competition.

Expert generalist. Jack of all Trades.

Dad.

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