Right Desires and Wrong Decisions

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It isn't the hard work behind doing something that pulls me backwards, it is the inability to find what to do. Still, I believe if I could find what I want to do I will do it. Even if it's hard I won't quit. Whatever I choose, it becomes boring within days. Maybe it's my laziness and I am trying to find reasons to get away from reality. I don't have a clear answer for it.

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There is a lot of things I hate now, which was once my greatest desires. I thought those will be the answer to all my doubts about the future and life. Finally, it became some kind of just another stupid chapter of my life. Now looking back I could see a lot of foolishness I have done before. The stupid things I have chased for a long time.

It was spread around all science and art fields, I wanted to be at many of the reputed positions. Some of them are just because of an impulse that created within seconds, some others are just always with me. Some still want my energy to waste on it. They are not leaving me alone, still, I'm stuck with those.

These stuck desires could come outside at any moment that may seem like some kind of inspiration for them. They still have a lot of space in my decision-making process. They push me to decide in favour of them. They want me to be a slave of those desires.

Whenever I feel hesitated or tired I go back to those desires which are stuck with me. Even when I know these are stupidities I can't get rid of them. The biggest problem isn't having the ability to understand the wrong, it's the inabilities to something about it when you know it is wrong.



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