Another late night ramble.. 8/23/20

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Not sure where I'm going with this one.

Misunderstandings suck. That's just a random statement I felt like saying. I need to also control my emotions way better.

The way to control my emotions is to be a man and not be angry. I have been angry and lost for so long. I feel one way, but society tells me my feelings are wrong. I felt justified at times but inside I truly felt confused. I was raised by a single mother. We have had issues, many issues but I am starting to see some of her efforts, some of her logic.

I'm in the very early stages of learning how to be truly decent and have faith, it can feel very good and right, but sometimes my old ways still get the best of me. I can't become frustrated. Emotions are real but I can't let them dictate my life. I need to learn to take deep breaths and think. And remember non-anger and logic.

This has easily been the most difficult month of my life. But I don't have the option to be a total loser anymore. I also have no inner desire too be one either.

I really believe I am on a decent track toward a decent life for my boy and I.

I have felt so lost for so long. I'm chipping away at finding some dignity and purpose.

I don't want to be lost forever I simply don't. I need to refuse defeat and negative energy. Not even refuse because refuse feels like an action. I need to be good always.

I don't see good as a verb, I see it as non-anger, logic and respect.



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