Every cherry is unique ๐Ÿ’

in OCD โ€ข 2 months ago

There is what we can control, what we can influence and, what is outside of our control - I normally focus on what is within my control and what I can influence - but it is also important to recognize that there are many things that affect us that we have no possibility to affect - for example, I didn't choose to be short, nor my skin color, nationality or my level of intelligence - or lack there of. But these things affect me in various ways and will have a probabilistic effect on my outcomes in life and those around me.

For example, while I have dated women taller than me, on average the women I have dated have been around my height or shorter, with my wife being 15 centimetres less. While it isn't set in stone, the probability is that on average, short men will date short women and short couples will have short children. I once read that on average, tall people earn statistically significantly more than short people, so that means that a short couple, is likely to have a child who earns less than a tall couple.

We like to think we can all beat the odds, but the probability of us all beating the odds is not good, as on average, we won't. On average, we will get average outcomes based on our predisposition on things that are largely outside of our control, at least in the choosing of them. But, having a predisposition for something and being affected by it are too different things. For example, a person might be predisposed to becoming an alcoholic, but this doesn't mean they will be an alcoholic - you know who has zero chance of being an alcoholic? Someone who doesn't drink alcohol.

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I have thought about these things a fair bit, like when I was smoking and found it incredibly hard to quit, I knew that I could overcome it simply by removing cigarettes from my life entirely. For example, if I banished myself to on an island where cigarettes didn't exist, I couldn't be a smoker. Personally, I am predisposed genetically to being overweight on my father's side, but he wasn't overweight himself, as in his thirties he changed his habits - after his father died, but the same potential is there. Anyone locked in a room without free access to food will lose weight - including me.

Of course, we don't like the idea of being locked away and having carrots and celery passed to us under the door until we are thin enough to come out - we don't like having our options taken away from us. However, we do like the idea of being over to overcome our predispositions and beat the odds by using our willpower, which is essentially using our mind to take the options psychologically away from ourselves. Kind of strange, but it this also indicates the importance of the journey, not the result.

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The problem with willpower is that it might also be outside of our control to at least some degree, meaning that while one of us can overcome through psychological restriction, another might not. We see one as a success, the other as a failure. The challenge is however that regardless of our various skills and limitations that are outside of our control, each of us has to live the life of an individual. This means that while some help my be available, it is the responsibility of the individual to create that life or choose to live it according to whatever defaults genetics has provided.

I think that while a lot of us would like to have some level of different outcomes for ourselves, the majority of us are on average, living life according to our predispositions and environmental programs as if there is nothing we can do about it. How much we can do about it is limited to the individual and what support the individual can muster - but there is always something that can be done.

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Now, I don't know everything I am predisposed for, nor do I know all I can control, affect or have no influence over whatsoever, but this is part of the discovery of living a life and trying things and paying attention. We can slowly workout ways to overcome what is in our way - ourselves - even though most of who we are and what makes us "us" was never a decision we got to make.

Being prone to something, doesn't guarantee that this will come to fruition, it is potential. The funny thing about "being prone" is that it is generally only used in the negative - and often we blame the predisposition for the result, as it is outside of our control. Yet, when it comes to being prone for a talent, we have the tendency to ascribe our success to what we can control, even though it is the same kind of predisposed trait. Is a talented musician any more "skilled" for being good than an overweight person is for being fat? What I mean is, if someone has a predisposition for being good at music and another for being fat, aren't they both just feeding what they are designed to naturally?

Of course, one of those outcomes is probably more desirable than the other and this is also where a lot of social conditioning is also going to come into play. As said, I have dated women who are taller than me, but I have also heard the "you are too short for me" statement often enough. A lot of people just assume this is fine to say, but would be appalled by someone who said "you are too fat for me".

Social conditioning also affects the outcomes of individuals and these things can change over time. For example, when I was in primary school it wasn't easy being my color and it meant social exclusion. A few years later in high school - "social life" became much easier. Social trends change and things come in and out of fashion, so a predisposition or uncontrollable trait that is a negative yesterday, might be a positive today and lead to a shift in the probabilities of outcomes.

I think this is why it is probably best to focus on what is controllable and working toward being ones best (whatever that means for the individual) as no one really knows exactly what the trends of tomorrow will be. It could be that there is an alignment issue where a skill doesn't align with what is popular at the time, but that doesn't mean it won't, or it doesn't mean an individual will find or create a niche where their skills can shine.

What I think is the worst path is when we become passive and sit back and blame the world for not being suitable for us and become bitter and resentful because we don't "fit in" to where we want to fit in - even if it isn't suited to who we are, or more importantly perhaps - who we could be.

This cultural lie that "we can be anything" is harmful as we are all limited by a myriad factors out of our control. But it is also bullshit to believe that we can't have a say in who we will become.

Taraz
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My personal thinking is there is no average person. It is all in our heads and the society we live in. To me, what is important is to try to challenge myself in whatever I decide to do in life. Trying to improve is good as far as you are completely aware of what is feasible. You may be short and in some circumstances that may be much valuable than being tall. What is important is to know your strengths and use them to become better at those things which are important to us and forget about those not valuable.

Every single one of us is unique, and we can learn from anyone around us. You are probably great at many things where others are not, the same way than others may be great at other stuff.

Being open to learning from those who are willing to teach and surround yourself with those who love us just the way we are, is the key to happiness, the rest, to me, is secondary.

My personal thinking is there is no average person.

I think we are all average - all on the spectrum of everything, sometimes at one end, sometimes the other,mostly in the middle.

Accepting limitations and pushing to the edges is part of the fun :)

Every single one of us is unique, and we can learn from anyone around us. You are probably great at many things where others are not, the same way than others may be great at other stuff.

This is what I mean on the spectrum. We are all on a normal distribution of a billion traits and each of us has a different constitution to everyone else.

The genetic lottery. A seven footer has a significant chance to be a basketball player. Doesn't mean that anybody else can't be, but being 7 feet tall gives you a leg up on the competition.

To be the best ___________ we can be. Mark Twain wrote volumes at the end of his life on the 'nature of man'. He wrote that man can't change tendencies any more than brass can become steel.

Work on your weaknesses and your strengths. Imagine that. Sorta like 'buy low, sell high'. Very good advice.

And take responsibility for your own condition and position. It's your job to maximize your opportunities and improve your position.

I'm just patiently waiting for fat, bald and old to come into vogue.

Lol the last statement made me laugh ...but who says it could never happen

Some win, many lose the lottery, but on average, we all tend to be pretty average :)

I think that while we might not be able to change our tendencies, we can improve or restrict them by designing our environment.

Work on your weaknesses and your strengths. Imagine that. Sorta like 'buy low, sell high'. Very good advice.

yep.

I'm just patiently waiting for fat, bald and old to come into vogue.

I have a genetic edge..... I probably won't go bald! ;D

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I'm just patiently waiting for fat, bald and old to come into vogue.

This is me in 30 years. Can't wait to be featured. ๐Ÿ˜

Okay this is a beautiful piece. I really wanted to say excellent and stop there, cause I just kept nodding my head in agreement with your views.

We can slowly workout ways to overcome what is in our way - ourselves

This has been my greatest challenge, as am getting closer to 30 it is looking more likely I'll end up with the old 'average life'.

I wouldn't ever let myself be bitter though, hence the reason I'll keep trying to master myself.

Nothing wrong with being average, some below average people struggle very hard to get there :)

I think the bitterness and resentment is what is really harmful to the soul. Where we wanted more, but failed to throw our hat in the ring.

My daughter is a 6 footer and her husband is about 5 something. But he is a senior bank manager, so that makes him 6 foot+ hahaha.

Genetics can certainly play havoc in our lives and I am sure that I have a few mad uncles down the line lol.

I think it's a myth that tall people earn more than short people, as then I should be very well off, short people are brainier and they work harder to make up for their perceived "shortcomings" and that is why they are more successful lol.

Tall, short, fat, thin, bald, hairy, we all wish we were somebody else in this cauldron that we call life!

But he is a senior bank manager, so that makes him 6 foot+ hahaha.

Precisely :D

I think it's a myth that tall people earn more than short people, as then I should be very well off, short people are brainier and they work harder to make up for their perceived "shortcomings" and that is why they are more successful lol.

In the US it was something like a 1000 dollars a year per inch taller. However, I do not think it is the height, it is the environment the height creates. It is likely affected by many things and could be different for each individual. For example, a tall person might be more confident or, have faced less criticism in life. It could be that they feel stronger. Don't know, but there is a correlation - I blame my poorness entirely on my height. ;D

Well, let me tell you something that I think you know.
Taller guys normally look down on shorted guys, physically and mentally.
There is a saying that short guys can suffer from "short man syndrome" meaning that they will got to great lengths to match and to beat the efforts of tall guys.

I boxed for 12 years at the YMCA and one thing that I learned was that a short guy at the same weight as me, can punch like a 4 pound hammer in my ribs. The missing height put stronger muscles in their arms.
So my method was to stick to long range boxing, avoiding close in-fighting.

Most times it worked but on occasion a wily character could slip through my defences amd then I couldn't sleep so well for a couple of days afterwards hahaha.

"short man syndrome"

It is funny, as they ascribe this to Napoleon - who was actually a little taller than average at the time. They assumed he was short as he was always surrounded by his guards, who were giants at the time.

There is often a muscle mass advantage, as well as low centre of gravity advantage of being short. I am guessing when it comes to weighted fighting, being short and stocky might have advantage over tall and lanky for pound for pound power?

"Short physique has always been perceived as a negative trait in humans, which is a kind of shocking outlook, as a personโ€™s height has nothing to do with his abilities. Our history provides us with examples of individuals who were short in their stature, but ruled the world with their sheer talent, achievements, and prominence. While none of these people were the shortest person in the world but they can be definitely called as short in regard with the considered average height for the world".
https://www.findhealthtips.com/famous-short-people-history-rule-world/

So there you have it in your second part of the reply. Never look for a fight with a short and stocky guy, as their missing inches are replaced with pure power:)

I think a lot of the perception/ trends of society are driven by mate selection, with women being the selection mechanism. I don't think the meme of "tall, dark and handsome" was created by a man. ;D

Hahaha, women only have men to think that they are the hunters my friend.
They size their prey up and then make the poor prey feel important.
Once that ring is on they tolerate us ๐Ÿคฃ
We are lucky that we are not insects as they don't eat us ๐Ÿคฃ

Since that meme originated every man has tried to ascribe to it.
Just an indicator about woman power.

I agree with taking our minds off of what is out of our control. We indeed are brought into a world in a family we didn't choose and he have a set of predetermined genetical predispositions. Although we can easily think that things are out of our control, which in some regards they are, it is also true that we can control our future. A genetic predisposition in front of good education, good environment, can change even the worst people. It is a matter of taking life as it was given to you and add your own twist on it. The power of making choices once we grow up is always ours. At least we like to think it is and we act accordingly.

People do have their prejudices. Beautiful women are seen just as a pretty face and most want just a trophey. Short men as you said are disliked by some of the ladies. Overweight people can be excluded and ridiculed. It is indeed hard to walk into this supermarket of human attitude and come out fresh as an orange. And still sweet.

I believe that the way we decide to see life is exactly how it is going to be. Our thoughts determine our actions. Other people's vision for me doesn't define me. People can judge you, but they can't take your perspective over the matter itself. I guess it all comes down to seeing the half full part of the glass when everybody else is keen on seeing it half empty.

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People do have their prejudices. Beautiful women are seen just as a pretty face and most want just a trophey.

We all have preferences and I think it is a good thing. Some see it as somehow terrible that someone doesn't find them attractive, but have preferences themselves. Why would I care if someone doesn't like me?

Short men as you said are disliked by some of the ladies.

It never seemed to be an issue - no matter what the said ;D

I believe that the way we decide to see life is exactly how it is going to be. Our thoughts determine our actions.

Which is why we need to act with thought and intention, rather than default and blindness.

I agree that we should not care if someone does not like us. It is entirely their problem

Hello @tarazkp,

Of course, there is a genetic predisposition, as well as an environmental predisposition based on gregarious nature that justifies society and determines you. That reminds me of two interesting books, the first, El Hombre Mediocre by Josรฉ Ingenieros, and the second, El Hombre Cultural by Carlos Paris, both originally written in Spanish. I don't know if there are English versions. These explore the thesis that you present to us.

I very much agree with you, we must focus, mainly, on the area where one has real influence, that which cannot be changed, is only an integral part of the reality that determines us for better or for worse. However, we must not forget that we also have the free will, the ability to choose in many areas, what we want to do with our lives, despite the circumstances or adversities that arise along the way. You will always have the opportunity to fight to change what is possible to change ...

However, we must not forget that we also have the free will, the ability to choose in many areas, what we want to do with our lives, despite the circumstances or adversities that arise along the way.

Even without freewill, we can act toward a better position and try.

You will always have the opportunity to fight to change what is possible to change ...

Exactly. Impossible is nothing. There is no such thing as impossible as if it is impossible, it can never exist. However, change over time has proven time and time again that what is impossible today, might not be tomorrow.

The tall friends find me useful for things because I could squeeze into places they weren't going to fit, and often found out the hard way that I don't mind being shortarse when I crashtackle them across the hips and make them fall ;D

back when I was tiny and violent, now I'm slightly less tiny and lazy

when we become passive and sit back and blame the world for not being suitable for us and become bitter and resentful

Have seen this happen and the people involved have every excuse under the sun about why there is simply no way whatsoever to work around it. Suggestions are usually not welcome in this case XD

I haven't too many issues with being short. But it is different for men and women in many respects, where very tall women have the challenge, as they have a very small pool of men they are willing to date :D

That sounds like a them problem XD

nice article!...just looking at Nick Vujicic (that super successful man, beautiful wife, 4 kids, but no hands and feet) makes me wanna disagree a little bit ;) ...somehow everything is possible

exceptions don't change probabilities that much ;)

The impossible isn't possible - but all things are possible, under the right conditions. Sometimes, those conditions are impossible, sometimes the timing isn't right.

Just had cherries for lunch! yum yum yummmmmm

I collected these ones after work from my cherry tree! they are great.

In medicine, all diseases can be divided into 2 categories:
garbage, heal, do not heal, it will still pass;
fucked up, heal, do not heal, but it still won't work.
That in the first, that in the second case there is no point in worrying, because it is unrealistic to influence them :)

By the way, how was your meeting? Are you still working:) ?

Maybe we are all a little diseased, some more than others ;)

By the way, how was your meeting? Are you still working:) ?

Just finished - I am broken. But, I haven't had a chance for almost 24 hours to reply to people, so here I am :)

One thing is good that everything is over.

Let me a have a bag of popcorn and a diet coke, its time to read Taraz's post on Hive ๐Ÿ˜‡
That last line sums up everything nicely - the ultimate irony. We want to become someone/something we may not be destined for but it does not mean we should not be working towards what we want to become.

A right balance, I think, would be to identify the trait that you are good at early on in your life. By nature, evolution and genetic combination, you must gravitate towards things that you can do and you want to do. Want in this case is loosely used but what I meant was something you genuinely want. Not like me wanting to play like Ronaldo (the older one) right after the football world-cup.

Destiny is still vague but there are words in ancient Sanskrit that come close to describing these genetic traits and individual's skill. But then the whole Hindu system that adheres to this theory is archaic and rigid due to various other factors.

A good read.
Ra

A right balance, I think, would be to identify the trait that you are good at early on in your life.

I agree and if there is one thing parent's can affect, is helping identify what the child might like or be skilled for and supporting their path.

Destiny is still vague but there are words in ancient Sanskrit that come close to describing these genetic traits and individual's skill.

Pre-disposition is definitely close to destiny, and while we can fight to some degree, we are always bound to who we are - no matter how much we change.

Yeah. Children have their trait in them. It has to be identified, nurtured and groomed. Not worrying is what we can do as individuals and let it be what it wants to be but with a right frame of mind and providing all the support we can.
๐Ÿ˜‡

Excelente informaciรณn amigo.

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They certainly are!

great contend sir!!!