Stagnation isn't so bad...

I made the tough decision to get into tech in February this year and since then I've felt sad, happy, burnt out, weak, excited, inferior and had my fair share of imposter syndrome.

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It hasn't been the best ride but it has been my ride and I guess I wouldn't have it any other way. I knew it would be a bumpy road but I guess I never thought it would get this challenging because I got in with a lot of speed in the beginning.

Within the first 8 months of deciding to get into tech, I got accepted into a training program which lasted for 12 weeks, after which I got into another contest for 4 weeks which I won. Since then it's like my growth just got stunted and I haven't made single progress.

I decided to try my hands on HTML and CSS to get a glimpse of the other side of tech as my Product Design journey had begun to bore me but then I got a bit burnt out along the way and now it's been 3 weeks since I did any major work regarding my coding journey and my design training.

In the past week, I got contacted by one of the coordinators of the contest I won a few months ago. She said she needed an intern and would like to know if I was interested.

Although I'm not in the right frame of mind to do anything, I accepted her offer to work and learn. She seems like a great person because she wasn't so pleased with a bunch of jobs I'd done but she said she's open to teaching me.

She also mentioned paying me but that's not exactly my priority at the moment coz I'm open to working for free but I won't say that. It makes me sound kinda desperate and desperation isn't sexy.

Getting her opinion about some of my designs made me feel like I really do have a long way to go and I didn't even feel bad about it.

I feel like my life has been in constant motion for so long that having a few Losses and fails right now isn't such a bad thing. As much as I hurt, I really don't mind powering down every few months when I have a need for cash.

I feel like I'm at a point where my life might be falling apart and that's okay. I'm not used to stagnation but I guess sometimes it's okay.

Thanks for reading.