BEST IN ME?
I love to be alone most of the time. I'll spend with friends only for a short time. I don't understand myself but if I'll have a conversation with them for long. It suddenly came to my mind to go home, listening to music and just to be alone. I know, I act like not a normal person. Well, sorry about that being part of me.
Now, when I'm alone there will always music plays. Then my mind will think of random things. Just random and if I feel like writing. I will right away here, not that it's interesting for others though. But I don't know again, I just want to write it or let people know what am I thinking. Even though, I don't want them to learn from it in person. I just want it this way, they won't seem but they can feel me. Ah, Hahaha it makes me laugh by thinking that way.
I'm an introverted person, I don't know how to express myself. That's why most of the time I'll write just like this. Sometimes I'll write through fiction stories so that by reading it. It will be like it's really happening in my own imagination. I even satisfied myself from writing it like what I was thinking did really exist.
I don't understand again why I can't stop thinking about things in my mind. Sometimes it came to my mind asking myself, "am I normal or are the people like me?" I was jealous sometimes because I don't want to keep on thinking that it won't really happen.
Then, I asked myself sometimes. "What is best in me?"
I always think of things I wanted to understand about myself. No matter how I wonder, I couldn't find good things about me. Where am I the best of or what am I the best of? I just wanted to know since when I look myself in the mirror. I just said to myself, "there's nothing special about you."
Then my arrogant self told me. "I know how to write stories.I'm a smart person that is called a few times during my studies back then. Few people rely on me during their studies." But my pathetic self just answered it. "Then, where are you now? You finished your course but what have you done? You know how to write but where is the proof of it?"
I then stopped looking myself in the mirror and just keep on looking above. Accepted already that there's nothing best in me. I forgot my ideals in life and just keep on moving forward. Nothing will happen anyway if I will keep on thinking those stupid things that I have. I know it's clear that there's none.
I will just keep on doing things that make me happy. I'm not stepping or hurting someone anyway. Why should I bother thinking if there is good in me? I will stop being jealous of those who are good or who I admire for having that. It's normal for us being human to feel that way. But it won't be normal if I'll be doing bad things because I'm just desperate to have what they have.
Okay, I accept it. I'm not good in many ways.
thank you for reading