For the past few weeks I've had this feeling that could be the next thing to depression. I would say it wasn't really depression because it was something that I could control but for some reason I just let it eat me up. Why I had allowed that was a mystery to me, maybe because I wanted people to feel sorry for me but unfortunately the people around didn't even have a clue that anything was wrong with me. Maybe because I usually was the guy who made it is priority to put a smile on everyone's face, so they probably thought the happy guy can never be the sad guy.
This went on for weeks. The only people I interacted with where strangers, people whom I had met online and probably didn't even know what I looked like. Those kinda of people wouldn't ask me about personal stuff therefore not reminding me about how much I hated myself for no reason.
My family didn't even notice anything wrong with me because I was naturally an indoor person, so me staying indoors for days didn't send any red alert to them.
This feeling of mine continued until some time this morning when I sat and asked myself why I was doing this to myself. I deserved to be happy and I decided to do just that, to be happy.
I activated all of my social media read receipt and replied all of my messages. I apologized to my friends for ignoring their text and phone calls and even though some were upset, others were cool.
All in all, I'm just happy I'm over this weird feeling and I'm ready to spread nothing but happiness out there. Nothing beats inner peace.