Matters of Life and the Heart
I tried. That's what I do and have always been doing, trying. Most of the time, I fail, but what can one even do except for trying? What can I do? A day lived or at least tried to have lived is a commendable thing to do in itself, I feel like. Because dying is easy, it's living that is very difficult.
I believe in one true god. I believe in him because the faith I hold keeps me sane. Even in the darkest of moments, I have found it to have presented itself as a shining lamp to direct me away from the path towards pure evil. For that reason alone, if someone comes and tells me that god went away and he doesn't exist, I will still remain a blind believer. Just the therapeutic value of it is too lucrative to pass.
Throughout my life, I have always found myself on the doors of chaos yet to be unleashed. Just a slight little push, the door moves aside, and in front, there remains a pulsating, gyrating floating in the ether, an anarchy incarnate constructed into a singularity. The gravitational pull of it is so immense that even the tiniest reluctance to fight it back results in the utter devastation of one's mental sanctity.
I have never been pulled in completely, the proof of which is me being here. Typing away on the keyboards, keystrokes of which were advertised to have a lesser amount of clicky sound. The clicks sound like a sonic boom from a nuclear bomb exploding every time I press on a key, while a terrible headache devastates my temple right now. But I am still typing away as I have nothing better to do at this moment in time to keep my inner demons at bay.
The words written above might give off a little peek inside my brain, a peek at what is going on in there. It is not a pretty picture, not really, as I am only hanging from a thread. The precious life I had made while surrounding myself with the people who I love dearly is seemingly withering away brick by brick. And the faith I have, along with the hope that makes me keep trying, again and again, their light is diminishing slowly.
The sensation of it is not new. It has been felt in the past many a time. And nowadays, it humors me, to be honest. The reason being this, the mental peace I ache for would always be elusive, and the variables of all this always push me down in a loop. Whenever it would feel like this, there would always be a pair of hands to help me out. I would grab them and hold on for dear life. But for some unprecedented causation, those hands and their warmth would always be taken away from me. I would desperately try to hold on to them, but the grab let loose even the tiniest bit always results in them being taken away along with the peace they promised.
When this happens, I always lose hope. Like a wandering parasite, I would start looking for the next pair of hands to grab on to. And the period between looks like this, me evolving into being so pathetic like an actual leach. This time too, I have found the next pair, but I feel the grasp getting loose by the second. And this time, just this time, I am unsure if I will be able to pull myself up from the gutter again.
Well, in the end, I can say I've tried, like always.
Hope, is all we can hope for!
Because we always TRY the best we can. So hold on there and never loose hope!
That's all we have.
Holdin on apu. in crypto they call it HODL-hold on for dear life:P
সিত্ত দ্যাম্নিউউউ/ I got worried for nothing😒
I am learning that HODL-hold on I think 😂
but thank you or worrying:P dont have many doing that for me:P makes me feel human.
He is there, and those who say He is a myth, let them know this myth exists in reality.
But one needs to believe in himself first to understand His existence, take a deep breath, look at the night sky full of stars and you'll find Him there- closer than ever. It all starts with trying, no success has ever come without trying.
aand no success will ever come without trying. i know, i know. thats why i try, what else can one do.
شراب بنوش. این زندگی ابدی است. این تمام چیزی است که جوانان به شما خواهند داد.
فصل شراب، گل سرخ و دوستان مست است.
برای این لحظه شاد باشید.
این لحظه زندگی شماست
Drink wine. This is life eternal. This is all that youth will give you. It is the season for wine, roses and drunken friends.
Be happy for this moment.
This moment is your life.
.. OMAR KHAYYAM, The Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám
“This place is a dream. Only a sleeper considers it real. Then death comes like dawn, and you wake up laughing at what you thought was your grief.”
i know dada. i know.
Did you read "man search for meaning"? It's a great book which explains how hope can be the only way to pursue our happiness, our reasons for living.. I know you as one of the strongest human being.. just keep going and believing in Allah as you always do.. We will always be there for you!
Thank you for being a good friend rafa. its a delicasy hard to come by these days. let me google that book and see if i can find a link. Thank you a lott really, thank you..
mention not! it's available as a hard copy, I will give you..
Keep believing in yourself, follow the right path rather than wondering much about the result and keep trying. Because I believe, thinking too much about the result is just a waste of time, If you spend much time on trying without thinking too much, I hope a positive result will definitely knock on your door, Bhai.