A study conducted by ORGSEX in 2015 shows that only 38% of women frequently had orgasms through penetrative intercourse, 43% said that they had experienced infrequent orgasms, a total of 6% couldn’t figure out what an orgasm felt like, 19% had constant difficulties experiencing any form of orgasms, while 8% percent of all ages found it easier to have it all the time (lucky bunch aren’t they?).
Still, on the statistics, it is said that men experience orgasms 85% of the time while having penetrative sex. This shows the far gap in the way the male and the female experience orgasms.
Now the question to ask would be why is it so complex for women and is it truly their fault?
Well, this question has a few complex answers.
The major reasons why most women do not reach orgasm are due to physical, emotional, and psychological factors.
When most women are asked why they had never had an orgasm, they would either say they didn’t know or blame their partner’s inability to get them there.
Now let's break down these two reasons and see if there is a solution to this problem.
The reason for the first answer most times stems from things like cultural/religious belief, shyness, guilt about enjoying sexual activities, depression/anxiety, stress, poor self-esteem, and relationship issues.
As funny or trivial as this may sound, unresolved conflicts and a lack of trust can prevent one from having an orgasm.
This alone was a pointer that orgasms were mostly psychological.
If all these factors are solved and still there is no headway then the second answer might just be it.
Moving to the second answer, women in most heterosexual relationships would blame their partner for their inability to get them to orgasm.
While interviewing 10 of my friends (5 each of both sexes), the females always explain that most times foreplay was rushed over or avoid in general, their partners didn’t know what they were doing and their partners hardly asked them what they wanted or even continued intercourse after they (the males) had been satisfied, and while asking the males, they simply said it was complicated and time-wasting to get their partners to ecstasy and it was easier stopping when they had been satisfied (greedy, isn’t it?),
These answers would simply show an action that begets a reaction, the females end up faking an orgasm and are unhappy while the males feel like they are satisfying their partners hence not trying more.
By Es uomikim at English Wikipedia, CC BY-SA 3.0, Wikimedia commons
We can not speak more on this issue without explaining what an orgasm feels like, when asked a woman said orgasm to her felt like “ falling off a cliff into a pile of tingling ecstasy,
It is the sensual release that you find yourself having no control over”
Another of my friend said, “it was like the feeling she had when she got an amazing gift, that burst of happiness”.
Just like many women, Jada had never experienced an orgasm before, she started having sex at a pretty young age due to a sexual assault by a neighbor.
She felt like that played a huge role in the lack thereof.
She had countless sexual partners but it didn’t make a difference.
At a point, she began looking at sex as a chore which she did to make men happy, and got over it being more than that,
She had not experienced an orgasm and it couldn’t have been anything mindblowing or so she thought.
Then she met Michael when she least expected it and it wasn’t anything serious,
He was just meant to be a distraction.
Sadly what was meant to be a distraction was no Longer a distraction.
She couldn't shake him off and they soon grew fond of each other.
Michael was quite experienced sexually from what he implied.
Jada couldn't wait to have him inside of her.
On the day it happened, it started like any other, she had work and met up with him after for a date.
They had hunged out for some hours when he got a call from his employer to send him a document which just happened to be at his apartment (coincidence?), he pleaded with her to go home with him as he was enjoying her company and it wouldn’t take a long time to send the documents and she agreed.
They got to his house and one moment he was working on his laptop and another he was on her.
She couldn’t help but wonder in between kisses how good his hands were at caressing her body and how generally good she felt.
It didn’t take long and he was in her, it was clear he knew what he was doing and he didn’t rush or try seven positions in seven minutes, he continued with a consistent motion and before she could realize it, her legs were shaking and for the first time in her life, she had an orgasm.
Everything changed for her after this experience, she became more in control and before long she could have orgasms by herself.
Somehow things just felt better or maybe she thought so.
Everything just made sense, she felt happier.
She kind of slept better.
When asked by her friends how she easily could get the orgasmic reaction during penetration, she spoke about how foreplay and a constant motion which for her included being on top made a big difference and also noted how being relaxed and aroused was key.
By User:Xdon elias and me - File:Fases de la excitación y orgasmo femenino.png Graphically revised with English lettering, CC BY-SA 4.0, Wikimwdia commons
Some things to note about the female orgasm is that there are three types a female could experience namely;
Clitoral orgasm; it involves the direct or indirect stimulation of the clitoris.
Cervical orgasm; which involves going deep to the lower end of the uterus.
It is important to note that a condom doesn’t prevent orgasms,
Orgasms generally get better with age.
The complexity of the female orgasm isn’t as complex as it seems, it takes a process, and even though it is deemed tricky eventually it becomes worth it after the sexual satisfaction you gain or give your partner.
Like many things, communication plays a role in making both parties happy and sexually satisfied.
In conclusion, females don't have orgasms as much as men do.
Not all females experience, know this, and know peace.
It's more of psychology than abilities.
Make sure your partner is in the right state of mind.
Communication is key and learning how your partner's body works will go a long way.
Orgasms are individualized, what worked for Jada might not work for Jenny. Learn what your partner likes.
Communication is key in getting an orgasm.
Thank you for reading.