Till Shared Trauma Do Us Part – Or Perhaps Till History Repeats Itself Again
“Abusive relationships exist because they provide enough rations of warmth, laughter, and affection to clutch onto like a security blanket in the heap of degradation. The good times are the initial euphoria that keeps addicts draining their wallets for toxic substances to inject into their veins. Scraps of love are food for an abusive relationship.”― Maggie Young
The Dangers Of Falling In Love Over Shared Trauma
The law of romantic attraction sometimes gives us gentle warnings to make us not miss the multitude of red flags slowly but surely coming our way on the battlefield of love. But us, the adults so confident in our ability to choose what’s best for ourselves, totally miss these emergency signals, at best 120% of the time.
We stand tall, ready to get hit by love. So ready that we’ll take anything that comes in its special package. Bring your pain, I’ll bring mine, we’ll fuck with each other’s minds till emotional death ensues. Nothing less – you either play by the rules or you die trying to.
At first it’ll feel like the best of love stories. Infatuation mixed with shared trauma makes for the most exciting cocktail to get fucked up on. Drunk on the idea that you’ve finally found your missing piece, you keep on unconsciously pushing any evidence that points to the contrary away.
Licking each other’s wounds never felt so good. Until it starts to hurt. Until you start hitting my wound to make yours hurt less. Until it ends like Romeo and Juliet – baby let me drink myself of your toxicity till my heart can no longer beat for you.
What do we know about true compatibility anyway? They say we accept the love we think we deserve. The broken adult child in us doesn’t think we deserve much anyway. The only love we remember is one that hurts, one that screams, one that leaves us alone in our crib with no one to turn to. We look for love in the arms of shared trauma because that’s the only love we know how to receive. Where gentle love repels us, abusive love comforts us. Familiarity should never be equated with a love that's healthy.
