It Sucks That I Just Go Back To Bed After My Dialysis

In my former years as a dialysis patient I would almost certainly do something after going home from my session. It can either be cooking or maybe fiddling with my CO2 gun, or something else. At least in those years that I have still no access to the Internet I can be active as I can even walk in great distances and also do things around the house or if it is hot I would enjoy bathing at least three times in a day.

Now I can never do my former things, my hobbies, cooking especially, and going places where sometimes I buy some stuff in the market and I would eat to treat myself in some small restaurant and then window shop before going home. That is how my life was when all these things hasn't happened yet. SO I am just basically bedridden almost and still thankful too that I can still able to bathe myself up.

I know soon there will come a time where I can no longer bathe myself if things turn out to get bad like if I am not able to get my needed partially Parathyroidectomy then my bones might continue to degrade and cause more problems for me including the lingering pain in my back and basically all the joints in my body.

I can't help but to think about the bad scenarios now because what happened to me lately is not what I am expecting. I actually am surprised when one day I looked at the mirror and saw myself losing some inches with my stature plus my appearance unrecognizable already. Seeing myself like that make me not to accept it as i have no clue what was happening and because of that I just sunk my head in the sand and tried to think that thongs will stay where they were but it didn't stayed like that, it had gotten worse until this current days where last year I was still able to walk but lately I am just wheelchair-bound and bed-bound already.

It is hard to accept my fate but I am mentally and spiritually making myself strong and doing what I can to make me endure my frustrations in my life where at one time I can do my former activities but now I am just limited in doing online work while on my bed almost 24/7 with no clear signs that I will be able to leave my bed and go outside to enjoy the rays of the morning Sun.

My main plan is to rid myself of my pain issues because that alone will make my life much easier because at least I can go about my day without misery and discomfort anymore and I might be able to walk again without anymore support or bothering anyone. I also might be able to take a bath many times per day, eat and enjoy my meals even simple foods, not much restriction in my diet as well or even if I still have that is still okay because I am used to it already. Most of all I will be never be required to take my expensive and difficult to endure Parathyroid medication.

Dialysis itself is not difficult, in fact I can even endure serious leg cramps because I know how to control it due to my years of experience in dialysis. I just do not complain about cramps because I already know what the nurses would do, they just mellow-down the dialysis process which is my peeve and what I am avoiding plus this new technique that I discovered to stabilize my BP so that I could survive my dialysis makes the outcome of my sessions very predictable now.

I also have an insurance to cover most of my bills although in my dialysis center I still have to pay extra even though the govt. health care covers it all. But as with my bone complications that make up the ante against me. I have to medicate myself in order to "cure" my condition which is really not happening as evidenced by my current pain issues that will never go away. I just pray that soon my condition will get some resolve otherwise I will be in a much precarious situation, darker and more difficult than it is at this moment. May God help me.