Wednesday
I slammed my foot hard on the gas and did a stick-shifting Vin Diesel would be proud of as I roared into the supermarket car park.
The Good Lady had called me as I was on the train coming home from work.
Hey, Daddy-Bear, do you know what day it is?
She had asked with a merry twinge in her voice.
I made a mental Geuuurk noise as I racked my brain for special anniversaries that I had forgotten. Like the first kiss/holiday/dance/banana, etc.
Try as I might, I could come up with nothing. Hmm, had she been eating the mad-cow pie again?
Hey my little potato fritter, It's only Wednesday, why do you ask?
I said with not a hint of embarrassment on the crowded train.
It's not just Wednesday. Daddy-Bear. It's WINE Wednesday.
She laughed before her tone turned deadly serious.
And we don't have any.
She stated with a disbelief that could literally glue a box shut.
The phone almost fell out of my suddenly numb hand. We had no wine? What the hell kind of world was this that such a thing should be allowed to happen?
What could I do? Should I will my testicles into a Gordian knot in the hope that someone would cut them free and they could escape and fetch me a bottle?
No. This demanded a simpler solution. I would go to the shop myself.
Don't worry, babycakes. I've got this.
And so began my odyssey.
As I pulled into the Supermarket, the car meatily thrumming under my feet, I gazed about me in horror.
All of the parking spaces were full? The car park was absolutely heaving with people who all seemed to be having the brazen cheek to be stopping off for a bit of shopping after work.
This would not do, Wine Wednesday must be obeyed.
Then I spied it.
A car parking space.
It was a parent/child parking space. Should I use it? I mean, I had kids, just not with me, hmm.
Fuck it.
With a victorious cry of Freedom! I pulled in and leapt out of the car. Time to get wine'y!
Hey, you don't have any kids?
A voice yelled belligerently at me.
I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at my accuser. It was an old one. In his fifties at least. He looked awfully indignant.
Like a super-cooled quantum computer my mind ran through the options. Should I fall on my sword, apologise and explain that it was Wine Wednesday and all sins should be forgiven? Yes, that would be for the best.
I opened my mouth.
How bloody dare you?!?!
I bellowed.
Look at the bloody child seats in the back! Do you think I am parking here for a laugh? What the hell are you... RACIST!?!
The old feller looked shocked and took a step back.
What? Racist? How am I being racist?!
He sputtered.
Sounds like it to me, now get out of here before I call the cops.
I stormed past him and into the shop for wine.
I had no idea what had just happened but I couldn't help but smile.
The Gods of Wine Wednesday were smiling upon me this day.
Nice use of the race card.
A man has to use the best tools at hand!
Do you not have those special parking bays with a bottle logo just for those requiring a quick shop for the alcohol fix?
Posted using Partiko iOS
That is a splendid idea, think of the congestion it would solve! Perhaps I shall put it in their suggestion box! :O)
Yes you must, also could suggest they keep racists in the freezer section!
Posted using Partiko iOS
Or keep em out of my section! LOL!
Lmao at racists... "Is it because I'm black?" is one of my favorite sayings like that.. you definitely win the #unnecessaryracistjokeoftheday award ... !tip
That was one of my favourite ones as well! ! :OD
🎁 Hi @meesterboom! You have received 0.1 STEEM tip from @davedickeyyall!
@davedickeyyall wrote lately about: My Actifit Report Card: September 17 2019 Feel free to follow @davedickeyyall if you like it :)
Sending tips with @tipU - how to guide :)
Congratulations @meesterboom! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
You can view your badges on your Steem Board and compare to others on the Steem Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPVote for @Steemitboard as a witness to get one more award and increased upvotes!
A travesty that wine Wednesday began with you and yourpotato fritter fresh out of the good stuff. Still, out of adversity comes enlightenment and you rose from the ashes of a wineless Wednesday like the Pheonix! I was afraid the story would take a sinister turn with the carpark debacle but you handled it in a classy, balanced and intelligent manner leaving no doubt about your quality as a human. Nice work Boom - I hail thee, and applaud your solutions-focused ethos.
Balanced and sensible, that's me!!
Wine was purchased and calm was restored to the world!!
...And everyone lived happily ever after...Until the next wine-related crisis.
With my memory it will be the same wine crisis next week, lol
Yes, I was going to write next week but figured next crisis would say the same thing.
:0)
On the third day ... God created wine.
Henceforth, let it be known throughout the lands ... Wine Wednesdays are now a sabbath.
Perhaps we should make every day a Sabbath in that style!
What's the point of a liver if you aren't using it.
That looks like a good workout! If you don't use it you lose it!!
O this sounds like something that will happen here...... if they do not know what to say they play the racist card. Better to stop on the 'child' parking than the disabled parking. Those are idiots that does that.
Oh aye, I started well clear of those spaces!! It all worked out in the end!
Are there no booze delivery services these days? Like Uber Drinks or something? Also, that wig might be my favourite yet.
There are a very small number of them but they charge through the nose and don't make for as good a tale!!
Hehe, it's quite a deep South look. I like it too
Oi, where's your post from yesterday? (And I'll throw in today since it's the afternoon there.) Your arms better have fallen off or something.
Ah, yes. I have had a bit of a disaster. My mum died on Wednesday. Bit of a mess really :0(
Ah, I'm very sorry to hear that. I hope everything feels less shit soon.
As you were.
Consider it done ;)
Sad to read your mother passed away. Much strength to you and your dear ones.
Cheers man, appreciate it
The first banana... That's a new day
You used the race card! Goddamn that was a bold move...
There are no parent/child parking spaces in my country... why should there be a parent/child parking space? Can't parents and children walk? Don't the kids need the exercise?
Haha they do need to exercise. I am quite baffled by the spaces myself!
hahaha! Wine Wednesday must not be denied! That poor guy. lol.Great artwork too sir meesterboom.
Cheers mate, I liked that one very much!
Just another brilliant masterpiece, it's normal for the great sir meesterboom! lol.
I have my good days! ;O)
I love your humbleness! lol.