This is NOT an I'm Back Post
If anything, this is one of those, "This is the hardest post I'll ever have to write," posts.
And not because I have some terrible news I'd like to utilize in my favor.
And by that I mean I didn't come here to set the victim card trap in order collect sympathy, for profit.
And sure, that kind of thing really pisses me off when I see others do it, but this post isn't about that; nor am I angry about anything, for now.
This Is Hard
It's hard because I haven't written anything in months.
Some might throw that classic, "It's like riding a bike," idiom around but to them I say, "Have you ever actually ridden a goddamn bike before?"
I think some people who say that shit don't know the first thing about riding bikes. Why do I not see the scars? There's no mention of the truck about to come around the corner pretending to be a paint brush so it can smear you all over the pavement. Why?
If you've truly ridden a bike before...
Show me the receipts!
You should have medical bills and lawyer fees coming out the ying-yang and going in all directions! So show me those; then we'll talk.
If writing's like riding a bike and riding a bike is a tough skill to learn but easy forever after, why have I completely ruined this post writing nonsense after spending years writing well and sometimes making sense?
Am I supposed to believe I'm some kind of a Statistical Anomaly?
Of course not.
Anyway. It's been another long enough while since we saw each other last. Looking back into my history books here, it appears as if I took early Christmas vacation then extended it to last the rest of the winter because, why not?
It's always a mystery with me, hey? And when people leave to go do their own thing for awhile without saying anything, the folks left behind often think something negative must have been the main contributing factor. Maybe something happened. Maybe dude was stressed. Maybe dude hates life and gives up too easy. Maybe dude doesn't like us anymore. Maybe dude hit the bottle again and spent winter in prison because to be honest, he does come across as a bit of nutcase at times so I can see that happening to someone like him. Maybe someone died. Maybe he's dead. Maybe he killed someone. Maybe etcetera.
You're fine.
I trust myself enough to know I'll always be fine. Nothing needs to be perfect and problems are solvable. When I'm tired, I rest. When I need space, I take some. When I don't feel like doing something, I don't do it.
Years ago when I started this, I had no idea where it would take me. Safe to say I went pretty far, made quite a few good impressions, and left a lasting impact. So what's next?
I don't know.
I enjoy a good challenge and the biggest challenge I face these days — at least in this world — is regaining and retaining interest.
In order to appease the tribal types among us I will make it clear I've not lost interest in seeing this massive project known as Hive become the success it should be. That hasn't changed.
Writing, art, being an attention whore, entertaining the masses with goals of breaking free from the shackles of being a virtual nobody forever. Fizzle. Fizzle. Fizzle.
Pop!
Something a lot of contributors to this platform have in common is the fact they feel the pace of progress is too slow. I can relate. I've watched everything unfold. Been around since damn near the beginning. I saw it all. Almost five years, and that's a long time.
The ball was rolling the entire time but I can't really say it was moving forward; until about around the time everyone threw up their middle fingers and rebranded the place into, this.
And this ain't so bad now. I can be creative but nowhere in my imagination can I come up with excuses that deflect the reasons why I don't feel like producing content much anymore onto the platform, progress, or people involved. You folks are doing great so keep up the good work.
It's not you.
It's me.
Can't even pretend to know when I'll be able to bounce back. I miss making people laugh, the most. Inside my mind is a lot of chatter. Sometimes counterproductive internal dialogue interferes, then takes over. Haunting thoughts have always been a part of who I am though. Fighting those demons kept me in shape. The only reason I'm alive is because I keep winning.
Troubled. People sense that in others. They want to help; they want to lend an ear. So much can be said on the inside but when it comes time to bring it outside, there are no words. It's not something that can be put into words. Consciousness extends beyond the simplicity of sharing ideas. Putting it out there would be like describing red to the blind.
Spent a lot of time writing, creating, entertaining. Enjoyed it; loved it. Some of the best years of my life. Turned a dream into a reality. Proved a lot of naysayers wrong (which is always fun). All that and probably only reached about ten percent of my true potential. That's fucking amazing when you think about it. I even got to feel what it's like to be wealthy, for a time. It was all so nice and I will do it twice but I'm not scheduled to start the race again for awhile.
My experience here has given me a lot of good memories. When you have a mind that isn't always your friend, a good memory goes a long way, so I HODL.
I guess I don't really have much more to say right now other than this lazy ending. I'll be around browsing content, for the foreseeable future anyway. So I guess I'll see you all out and about, if you're still around.
Have a nice day.
And a great song choice?? That bumps you to 14%.
Seen you around a little bit lately, was refreshing, update noted. See you around.
Maybe someday I'll make it all the way to the big 1 - 5.
Yeah I've been around a little bit but certainly not enough to get to everyone. I know I don't show it but I am happy to see and be around you folks again.
That track has been in my playlist for awhile, and it came up as I was fiddling around with those words up there. Seemed rather fitting.
Here's another track. Can't get enough of this one lately.
I saw that in Jaynie's article you reblogged. I always almost say resteemed. Nah.. I uh, we just happened to be in the same place. I listened to it again just now. Moving along.
I've shared a couple tracks there a couple different times but I'm beginning to think what I say is invisible over there... Moving along.
I just go for the shits and giggles. I did share that there as well. So nice, listen twice, why not. Moving along.
All the worst injuries to the outside of my body has been on a bike. Or coming off the bike as the case may be.
I am glad you are back browsing and commenting again. Who knows, perhaps you will find something to sink your tires into and spray some gravel around.
I used to bike at least two hours every day, back when I was invincible. Plenty of wounds. All in good fun. I probably have a few stories about that I could drag out into complete articles.
And yeah I'm already having fun hanging out with you folks again. Good times trying to make an ass outta myself every place I can, especially in this environment, where the people are perfect.
Might be funny to hear some stories of biking adventures. @galenkp wrote one the other day and it brought back memories.
Perfect people, perfect targets.
I'm sure they would be funny, since they're not exactly 'success stories' and I love making fun of myself.
To me that is some pure poetry there, I can relate to that.
And it is tough to stay interested and inspired, at least I believe so. Fast changing reality. Bam, another thing passed by, had to jump that train, missed it. Hard to keep up with all of it.
Good to see you being around this place. Hurray to another 5 years, cheers!
Not going for a bike ride, but for a walk. Get the chaos out and the ZEN back in.
Have a great one!
I'll admit I was slightly impressed with this noggin of mine when that line popped up into mind.
Enjoy the walk. Avoid the dog shit.
Had a long nice walk, thanks.
And fortunaly no shit-sliding event.
I meant it metaphorically ... LOL!
😄
You didn't? FFS, I'm taking my vote back. I don't crowd around traffic accidents and shit to see people sit up and day s'ok folks, I'm alright, not a scratch on me.
And don't think I've forgotten the beavers. Not by a long chalk. I could've been somebody.
I'd pay to see people get hit by cars and not get hurt. That hasn't been done before, man. It would be a great show, so what are you talking about? I think those beavers are gnawing on your brains again.
But now that I actually think before typing, I'm reminded of the time I wrote a a true story about getting run over by my own car, and I didn't really get hurt, nor did I make the big bucks telling the story. I blamed the thumbnail but it was probably the actual story that sucked, since I didn't bleed out or anything... Damn. Learn something new on the daily.
See, the rubes demand blood!! Only blood will appease them and make them throw their golden doubloons at the spectacle.
Or beavers. That's usually worth a bob or two.. :0D
Hmmm. "Blood." You might be onto something here. I should try that sometime. And maybe I'll deliver it nonchalantly, combined with humor maybe? Yeah! Genius!
That's the spirit, it all starts and begins with blood!!
That's what I tell em when they wake up in the cellar strapped to the iron chair!!
You still use straps? I really need to teach you about duct tape, man. And it makes such a cool sound! And you can just throw it away with the leftovers! Clean ups have never been easier!
Ducks and PENISES!???
No way, man. That shit don't fly!
Did you forget to take your Tourette's pill again?
Give pills up? That way lies madness!!
I generously flush meds down the toilet so other members of the community get a chance to have some.
Always nice to see your imagery and read your words. You come, you go, it is as it has been with you.
I should patent this approach.
https://twitter.com/yourdreamshere1/status/1368262344632016900
Fancy-schmancy.
I like your posts, and i don't often say that to people on steemit or hive...
Usually I think they are as boring as fuck so I make no comment and move on
And you deserve those $80 payouts...
There I have never said that to anyone, ever!
Watch out for bears.
I was thinking about you folks over there on that shaky ground. Might have to rename that place to New Vibrator.
I actually knew you enjoyed my stuff. No need to rub it in.
There was an earthquake in the middle of the night but hardly anyone noticed it, and there was a small wave on a beach up in the far north
People are wondering if we survived - lol...
I avoid news programming so only heard about the earthquake from people asking me if I was still alive
That shit's overrated hey. I think the next time they make a disaster movie about life and death, they could simply setup a camera here and record winter for three months. This part of the world can kill you within hours! Frozen fishsticks got it better!
I steer clear of the programming as well, from all fronts. I'd rather die than know I was going to die soon. Imagine a disaster that could have been avoided, then the politics involved, spending your final hours angry at the other side. No thanks.
Thanks for sharing. I think it helps to open up like that. It can be cathartic.. it's never good to bottle up feelings. A problem shared is a problem halved as they say.
Although i know thats not always true, but my point is talking and sharing may ease your burdens.
That really wasn't opening up. Maybe a quick flick of the valve but that's about it. I'm not sure if this is the platform for a longwinded life story. Feels good to just be real about it all though, ya know?
Absolutely, but the fact that you are open enough to describe what you have tells me that you have self awareness about yourself and how you may be perceived.
That's a huge step in the right direction. Maybe a close friend or family member could lend you an ear and just listen.
Mind yourself. Peace and love from Ireland.
Thank you.
Nothing worse than a F'n lurker...
When I go, I go. I think I checked in once since mid December, briefly. I trust you folks to not burn it down.
Not for lack of trying...
Well at least you're in a good mood.
I believe the word your looking for is 'glowing'. 😁
Beaming!
chuckle chuckle
Fuck yeah boi.
He. Is. Back. The one and only lyricist. The modern day Shakespeare. Able to keep tall poppies in a single spittle.
While you were missed the world did turn. The content was and would be dry without. Stay awhile. Stay a day. Heck. Don't stay.
Am just glad I woke up and this popped on my feed straight after I took a midnight piss. Now I can go back to sleep knowing the gate of the universe is now slowly moving in a right direction.
Just keep keeping being you.
We all missed you.
Might need a refresher course on how to respond to kind words. It was an honor to be a part of your piss break and I thank you.
It's too bad that you've been able to garner quite a lot of valuable votes here, but nowhere have you mentioned having made new friends, found great authors to follow or made any deep connections.
Can you find these things here or are you unable to connect or is the platform simply that shallow?
If I had said everything, then there would be nothing left to say.
I've found all those things and more. Thanks for asking.
I never thought the phrase about riding a bike suggested that it doesn't come with it's scrapes. More that you retain the basics. You still know how to balance and pedal. You can figure it out. It's not some insurmountable challenge.
But perhaps when people think about something being like riding a bike, they should remember that riding a bike also comes with it's challenges and perils. I don't think anything's going to splatter you across the pavement writing, but it also won't come without it's difficulties.
Welcome back.
I wasn't being dead serious about that bike rant. Just rambling nonsense for an intro; with the true meaning hidden deep between the lines.
I think the hardest part about getting back into writing is finding those characters/personas I'll use from time to time. Easy to act like a crackpot when you're doing it all the time.
Certainly won't get smeared all over the pavement, but someone might come and wipe their ass with it.
Well written as always. Are your digitally created friends attention whores too? Have a nice day and write more often.
They're probably bigger attention whores than all of me combined... lol... yes.
He's back!
I bet I hold the record for most triumphant returns... LOL! Sup
Not much, flushing out some leeches from the system apparently.
Seeing a good amount of new users joining and communities being used well and growing nicely too, so that's cool.
I noticed the controversy. The new users thing is good news. If things pick up this spring that'll be a good motivator. I love the crowds when they're around.
Maybe etcetera Huh?
Huh?
I suppose those bike rides still left at least one hale finger in your hands to click right? Use it!! :p
"Don't argue with assholes."
You learned that the hard way here once. LOL!
Probably! but it's still too much fun as to want to give "that" up too soon as to keep doing it.
Since I am one of those who still is not totally convinced that "Don't argue with assholes" alone, will give you peace and happiness. Hahahaha
Here's a Twitter thread I wrote about a bicycle accident, which was just an anecdote but seems to go deeper in this context:
Pretty cool how someone actually provided me with a receipt.
That was unexpected.
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Have you considered tokenizing your art and selling it? There is insane demand for NFTs on ethereum at the moment.
I've looked into it. I'm not really sure what to say about the whole thing.
Hey! Nice to see you around.
Hello! A bit early to be coming out of hibernation but at least I'm not grumpy.
Well that's good news or maybe the Covid rules aren't as strict in your part of the country.
The way I've been living there aren't really any Covid rules.
Lucky you!
I feel you, I've just come back as well.
I've crashed a lot of bikes...
Cg.
So have I. On pedals and motorized. I seem to remember the close call situations better though.
This is NOT a welcome BACK comment.back in the school days my english was quite decent. I haven't talked in english in 10+(?) years. Now my english is shit. Also as a kid at times I swam in the sea. that was WAY more than 10 years ago...Now I would probably sink like a rock. So yes...those bike people can
goride...far away.In my late 20's I could drink every day and still make it to work on time, plus actually manage to do a good job. Then there was a long a dry period. On New Year's I drank some wine and was sick for three days so yeah... being a drunk isn't like riding a bike but coincidentally, I do see a lot of drunks ride bikes. There must be something lost in translation.
Sometimes you ride a bike, sometimes a bike ride on you ... it's fun anyway.
Welcome back :D
That's probably the most rational thing I've ever heard in my life.. LOL! Good to see you.
Mutually :D
Hope, it becomes a reality this year, 2021 should be our year.
So far, so good.
Nice :))
Indeed!
Here we go, I had half an eye out for a post when I saw you reblogging some stuff and commenting on some other stuff.
I usually like to assume the best and hope that people aren't posting on here because something thoroughly amazing happened in their life and they're spending more time on that :)
Also I have a number of bike scars but they're overlaid by skating scars (because for a long time I just kept falling in the same way which was great because that way of falling minimised damage, I pretty much never hit my head and didn't break any bones so avoided all potential hospital trips, but the same skin areas were constantly getting shredded).
That's why this isn't an I'm back post. People already knew.
Oh yes I do remember
Nods confidently.
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HEY! I recently decided to do a little writing here too.
I did (see above) and it was a great healing experience. Nothing like a bike ride tho, you are right. I felt no wind in my hair, and heard no fake engine sound from a playing card flitting against my spokes.
Speaking of that other place (maybe we weren't) I got the notion to sell some of those old coins, and went to do the transfer but typed 'transfer' into the MEMO instead of the correct memo, and 'POOF' the coins were gone. Now I'm scheming to get them back. Ever heard of anything so dumb? It was kind of a lot of coins.
Those thats of which we do not speak of? You put some in limbo or what? I've heard of this before but I try to avoid doing it myself. Nearly five years of this. You'd think at some point they'd idiot-proof the transactions, since we're all bound to make a mistake at some point.
They can idiot-proof it all they want, but I may be more idioter than they'd imagined. Just recently decided to transfer some of those that's, but wasn't sure what to write in the MEMO space, so I idiotically wrote 'transfer' while trying to figure out the thing again, and with next-level idiocy, I kept pressing wrong keys instead of double checking it all. A lesson for me either way- now I know.
Holy shit. You responded to yourself so I didn't see this, until I saw it. Maybe that only helps prove you're having a few issues with that noggin of yours lately and I should take this seriously.
I'm sorry for your loss, if it's a loss. After all these years I still get a bit of anxiety any time I start moving things around.
Other than all that dude, I hope you're doing alright.
I still get that anxiety too, maybe got a little overconfident when I made that mistake, and to be fair, my noggin was also saturated with THC that particular night. It's my excuse for everything; 'I was stoned.' I think of those mistakes resulting in losses as tuition for my banking school, I hadn't paid up in a while I guess.
Anything come out of that? Get your shit back?
Nope- I've no idea who to contact. I presume the coins went to deepcrypto8 's account, but who runs that, no clue. I just have to think of it as part of my banking school tuition, hopefully my last installment for a while.
Did you fill out a customer service ticket thing complaint dealy?
I called. The recording kindly assured me that my coins were lost in a wonderful place, and that they would be very happy in their new home.
So what else can you tell me?
Ok. It's been half a year, I think I can talk about this now. About six months ago I decided to move all of 'those' coins into other places. A bit at a time, but then a bunch at once, or twice. On the last attempt to transfer, I was stoned, it was late, and I was not in banker mode- I was in 'do stupid shit'. mode. So I blindly typed in something like 'transfer' instead of the memo key that I'd been using all along, and poof. My face went red, then probably whitened with hints of cobalt, and I don't remember much after that. I remember coming here, frantic, then I ran off into the wilderness of internet, and pretty much shied away from anything about coins or their perceived value. What hurt the most was that those particular coins were hard earned, and represented a lot of time, patience and persistence. I'm still kicking myself, but not as often or as hard.
Hope things are tolerable up there in Canadia. I keep hearing about these 'NFT's, and wondered what you thought of that whole thing. Art/crypto.
I just noticed you showed up over on dreemit's post and was wondering how you were. Did some snooping and found you here. deepcrypto8 is Binance. Did you ever try contacting their support?
Hey brandt, good to see you still around here! I actually never knew what human was available for help on my transfer mistake, it just seemed like a hopelessly vast machine that ran itself, and I had no idea who to contact about it. Binance sounds familiar but I'm not in the market enough to know what or who that really is. I'll do a little searching, thank you for the clue.
If you ever want help with any of that hit me up on Discord: brandt#1284
Best of luck. Here's to hoping you start writing again, always loved your stuff :)
Ok, it looks like I just need to set up an account at Binance, they have a support page there- I'll let you know what happens.
Yes, I've been thinking about getting back into writing, I might have some things to say about the world as it has turned out.
Proving naysayers wrong is indeed a lot of fun. I think that taking a break and having space is vital for inner equilibrium. And it is never necessary to give explanations because in the end life goes on regardless of what people think you do or not do. But reinforcing your belief in a project is definetely good. Creative people will always need to escape once in a while. From others, from themselves. The ability to take time off and do whatever you feel like doing is freedom.
You make it sound like I actually know what I'm doing with my life. LOL!
Hahaha, I get what you're saying. I guess that we are not supposed to know everything and to figure everything out. But somehow we think that this is what is expected from us. It's fine even if you don't have all the answers