Understanding Fear Of Intimacy Through Attachment Theory

in #life3 months ago

“The greatest gift a parent has to give a child—and a lover has to give a lover—is emotionally attuned attention and timely responsiveness.”― Sue Johnson


Intimacy : Into - me - see.

When our emotional realities have been denied by our caregivers during childhood, it results in us doing the very same thing to ourselves. At the core of our being, we want connection - but we will ultimately always settle for what our faulty internal working model begs us for - protection.

Picking up one defence mechanism after the next, our childhood taught us that human deception runs deep. We have never been given a safe space to voice our needs, which led us to completely shut them down as a means to protect ourselves. Starvation from emotional connection is a type of hunger that can’t be satiated with the crumbs we’ve desperately looked out for to collect during our childhood.

Our survival instincts constantly remind us that the risk of getting too close to the average human being will never be worth the potential reward for connection. Our caregivers have showed us time and again that our emotional needs won’t be met. That relying on others is a sure sentence to death.

The avoidant attachment style isn’t merely an option for the ones who have suffered tremendously from the denial of their needs all through childhood, to their subconscious mind it’s seen as the only viable solution. It’s a matter of life or death - survival means life, closeness means death. They’ve built a cage around their heart and won’t let anyone close enough to open it.

The push and pull dynamic is what they know best. Never will they break the promise they have made to their wounded inner child of getting too close to a human being. Safety will always come first. Because safety equates familiarity. And familiarity is our safe place, no matter how brutally damaging that familiarity is.


Sad but true. People do heal and grow though. It's good to acknowledge this wounding so that healing can become the priority it needs to be.

Healing is a conscious and deliberate choice. It doesn't occur unless we commit ourselves to it everyday.

Unless I am healing by moving away from BLM protests, then I am wrong and deserve a downvote right?

Finding a new home out side of metropolitan areas with political issues, i must be crazy ...

What is your damage? Downvoting is an appropriate response to over-valued content. That's the purpose of the feature being on the platform, so it's not wrong to use it for that. And I already told you that my downvote was for your hateful comments towards the idea behind BLM protests and your jeopardized black life denying "all lives matter" follow-up comment just reinforces that I interpreted your post correctly in the first place.

You can go wherever you want for your well-being. You don't need to leave hateful wishes in your wake though.

I'll take note that any of your posts worth over $3 are over value if they dont have the same level of engagement as I did.

20 comments per post over $3, or I guess its downvote time to return the favor if that's how we are giving out downvotes in Hive.

I care as much about holding people to their words as you do about BLM, I'll see you in the rewards pool.

Okay. I got you then. Two can play that game.

Please quote the hateful wishes, I reread the status and fail to see how I have hated.

Referring to the BLM intentions as disgusting is as far as I went, personal reflection and my own opinion.

I will also make note that you do not respect individualism seeing as we are playing god of ethics now.

I already quoted you on YOUR actual post, which in case you missed it, is NOT this post from someone who I'm sure would rather you take your damage somewhere other than her post's comments thread. Do you have any self-awareness or consideration for others at all?

I have a free will, and there was nothing racist in the post you downvoted so I will continue as Ixsee fit.

Why have I taken up real estate in your head? Do you really want me there?

You down voted a blog I made about my life, a very personal post about my life trajectory and what I am all about, so if you think you can down vote me and treat me with a double standard to anyone, regardless of skin tone, I will be here with a show of force, I haven't turned on my down vote trail here on hive, but BLM is a group of bullies and I don't really suffer in silence so that wouldn't have been an option to someone like me who has self respect.

I hope you find the justice you seek, but I wont be a part of that conclusion.