Feelings
This week it's rainning, I have pain on my hips and I think a lot.
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I really do not know what's wrong with me.
When I am like that on crisis I prefer to stay alone. Because I can be so agressive with people I love for nothing.
Sometimes I tell myself I are crazy. Sometimes in a good way but sometimes too in a bad way! Am I crazy? Am I stupid? Am I special ? Sick? Am I the only one who deal with that and feel like this?
Weeks ago it was starting to going good, what happened to me?!
Some dates in my life are memorable as for each of us.
For my part, it is the date of my birthday and before Christmas which are the most difficult dates for me.
Yes, on one hand, it's great because I still live and move forward despite everything in my life but on the other hand, I have a real unhappiness. So the more the days move towards these dates and the more my anxiety grows.
I sometimes tell myself that I torture myself for nothing but it makes me suffer in spite of myself. I struggle with my own demons.
Just few days ago we had mother's day. I though about my mother, my life, my family, my past and my future. It just desesperates me!
That day desperate me so much. I was sleeping all day and when I turn out of bed, I go to a social website and EVERYWHERE was this. It's too beautiful really but wen you are in need is difficult to face it.
So I tried to turn it in posivite way as always. I did it but at night, when I'm alone I'm thinking so much that I came back in my suffering.
God help me!
He will on his own time, I am sure.
I let all in God arms.
But the good thing is that I started writing again. I write. I gave myself a challenge to write a page a day.
I have some writing projects and instead of sitting idly by and doing nothing, I move forward even if it is difficult. If I want these projects to realise, I have to face them and move forward.
So here is my good news for today. I learn the harmonica nicely, I advance in my book project. My goal is to finish it before the end of the year. And the second, the most crual... By the end of 2021.
The most important for me was to realise what's important in my life and in this world. I want to enjoy life more and gainning more and more positivism.
I came back to Lord. That's for me the best. Even if I have to deal with it everyday.
Life is a battle. You have choice; you fight or you dismiss. I am a "warrior", I think so.
Life is still beautiful.
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STOPDo not miss the last post from @hivebuzz:
Hello friend @misschance
Your story is very beautiful and also very sad. This is the life of many.
Seek help, seek help, and you will find it. Write, write and drain your fears.
You are a very good writer. It is a sad poem, but a great poem.
Keep going, everything happens, as long as you fight to continue. What costs us the most work is what we appreciate the most.
A big hug
Fine writing @misschance
I feel these kind of days at times.
Thoughts of my Children and siblings always bring my moods back into focus, Church friends that encourage me that there will be a bright future and when we genuinely suffer, it is never for no reason.
Yes.. Those days are horrible. I really feel your words. I'm very sorry that you feel that way because I know is hard. But you're not alone. You have a twin over here haha.
All emotions have something to teach us about ourselves.
Calm will come and go again, to teach you something new next time ♥️
Embrace yourself! :)
Hi @misschance. My heart cries out to you. I feel it. I know it. I think it. I perceive it. At any point in our lives, we cross these thresholds of feelings. No one is immune to them. You have survived until now with all you carry inside and out.
Take your physical pain and seek medical help if you can. Take your inner pain and seek help if you can. If not, writing helps. Write down everything, every feeling, though, dream. Putting your feeling on paper helps to see it in a different light.
Step away from it. Leave it for a few days, a week. Then step back to it. When you see it again, it will be like seeing it through a another lens. You'll be able to analyze it better.
My hope for you is twofold: that you are able to get the medical attention you need. Second, that you see how strong you are to have made it this far.
You really are a source of strength to others. When they see your suffering and are able to make it through each day, it will give someone else hope. You never know how your words may affect someone else searching for the strength and guidance on how they can make it through.
Humans need to know they are not alone in their pain. You can give hope to others through your writing. Keep doing that. It's a form of self-healing also. I know.
I'll be thinking of you while my knees hurt so bad from osteoarthritis. But the proposed meds interfer with my other ailments such Diabetes, heart and thyroid. So I had to choose. Knees, I say, please not today, I don't have time for you, lol.
Have a good day and weekend, and take care.
Sometimes we “struggle” instead of “adapt” ourselves to circumstances, to life. I learned that during my life in which I had also to deal with really scaring pains in my youth till I got 27 when the doctors discovered the origin and also the cure. Till then they all told me it was in my mind and advised me to go to psychiatrists ... I refused all that as I was pretty sure it was not in my mind, it was real pain!
When I got deeply depressed I used to recover a scene I saw once in the past: a starving street door in a really bad state wandering about to find something to eat. It never stopped despite it’s situation and kept moving to try and survive... That was me, I would do the same... if a street dog could do it why shouldn’t I?
Keep on moving and don’t focus too much on the bad/sad stuff. I prefer focusing on my wishes and goals as well as keeping the positive perspective of life.
My hugs and best wishes to you @misschance 🤗🤗🤗