8/11/20

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I've hated way too many people and I don't want to hate my ex because I really don't hate her.

This is torturing me slightly but like I don't want to lose yet another person, because I don't mind having my ex in my life.

It's hard to explain.

I'm pissed for sure no doubt. I have a lot of emotions right now frankly.

I'm over at her house for a couple days. I know it seems dumb but I don't care. One day I'll probably stop coming over just have no idea when.

She claims to want to be friends but who know what's a lie or not with her at this point.

Once the message is sent I think I can be friends with her. I guess it's just a much slower muuuuuch slower process than I thought.

I don't even know if I'm a person that can be loved. I seem like a nice guy to a lot of people but once you get to know me I am an asshole a lot.

If after all this she still wants to be a friend, I am for it.

We probably won't be best friends anymore or anything and like that shit suck. We won't ever be the same and it fucking sucks. I realize I'm repeating myself but I don't really care. She doesn't love me anymore. It's so painful lmao. But like I believe I will get through it.

This relationship is not all about me. I'll always tell my son I love his mom. Because I do.

I know this is a pathetic post. But I don't really give a shit.

As much as I care for my ex, I am able to mentally separate my feelings and my goals I believe.

I'm going to try anyway.

Yesterday I actually helped a neighbor out for some money. I helped dig holes for a fence after they posted on some groups or marketplace that they needed help. I was supposed to get $100 bucks but since I broke a small pin thing on it he gave me $60. When I broke it I offered him to not pay me. But yeah he did anyway especially since the rental company only charged him 40 bucks. He was very fair. I also received a little bonus token of appreciation lol.

I used to put up fences for a living, so that's another reason I jumped at the opportunity. I am wayyy out of shape for it though. I forget how hard of work doing fencing is. My chest was burning. Luckily he was cool about it and offered me beer, water, and his pool to cool down in. We dug about seventeen holes in about 2 hours. My hand is skinned since I stupidly didn't wear any gloves. My body is definitely sore.

But yeah that's been life for me during the past day or so. I hope you're all having a decent summer.



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