What is the most difficult thing you had to do in life? Part 2

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My husband's ex-wife made life a living hell.  I honestly don't know what she tried to achieve but it came to a point where both the kids were turned against me.  On weekends when we cooked the little boy refused to eat my food.  Time and time again he threw his food to the dog, and he would rather go sleep hungry than to eat food I cooked.  At this point I was ready to just give up.  All this stress was not worth the effort.  I was ready to just tell her that she had won and that I will step away from the relationship.  

I had a long conversation with their father and he convinced me to stay.  In turn he had a long conversation with both the kids and after that, something began to change.  Up to today I don't know what he told them but it made the world of a difference.  The next few years had less stress and after three years of living together we finally decided to get married.   

It was a good decision.  His ex finally left me alone and stopped making up the kids against me.  The kids were growing up so fast and we went through a lot of heartache and pain just like any other parent with teenagers.  

My husband's job at that stage was causing major issues.  He was an investigator and followed a crime syndicate.  One evening he came home after work and I heard something at the gate.  He locked me inside the house to go and check it out, and when he opened the door someone took a shot at him from our front gate. It might sound unbelievable but I still have the proof where the bullet went straight through my piano.  

I did not care what happened with anyone at this stage and told him that we need to move away.  He had to find a new job because it was too much stress, and I was not willing to live in fear all the time. They transferred him the following week and I resigned my job as a teacher.  It was a very difficult situation for me, but I had no choice but to protect my children and to get out of there.  

That weekend we had a long conversation with all the kids and told them that we're moving.  My kids were excited and I expected issues from his kids but they were happy.  His daughter wanted to move with us, but I knew that her mother would never let her come and his son didn't really want to move, so he was happy to stay behind.  

In the end neither of his kids came with us and we moved.  The kids came to visit during holidays and it was always a joyous occasion. Then about four years ago his son decided that he wanted to come and live with us.  I knew that a son needed a father and I took him in with open arms, but the boy that arrived here, was not the same child we left behind.  

It was extremely difficult to cope with him and he made our lives hell.  I had two sons, and I never had these issues with them.  

He did everything that he was not supposed to do and it turned into a difficult situation.  It took months to gain his confidence but eventually it turned out that his mother forced him to move because she couldn't handle him.  His mother is somewhat of an alcoholic, and because his older sister left home, she found him a burden.  

He was cramping her style, and she wanted to be free.  Why would anyone have children if they don't really want them?  Why would a child be in such a state if you looked after him for 14 years? 

Life has been difficult for the past four years and eventually now his mother agreed to let him move back.  She misses him now and like always puts the blame on us for the disaster child.  

We gave him every opportunity we could. I home-schooled him for two years but then he wanted to go back to a normal school.  My husband refused because he didn't trust him anymore, but I begged him to let him go back to school.  In the end I won, and my husband enrolled him in the school close to his workplace. 

This changed him back to normal and for once he seemed excited to go back to school and to be around friends his own age, but it didn't last.  It was exactly three months before he acted up again. He was in the principal's office more than he was in class and we called in help.  He started to see the school psychiatrist once a week and that was supposed to make a difference but it didn't.  This is when I realized that he was a sociopath.  

A sociopath is a term  used to describe someone who has antisocial personality disorder (ASPD).  People with ASPD can't understand others' feelings. They'll often break  rules or make impulsive decisions without feeling guilty for the harm they cause.  

He failed his first term, and we gave him the benefit of the doubt because it was a new environment.  We had a long talk with him and it seemed to work.  He worked a little harder in the second term, but he failed that term too. No need to say that he has messed up his whole year now, and that he is failing his grade.  

He didn't even open a book for the last examination. His excuse was that he missed his mother too much and he cannot concentrate.   

We discussed this and we agreed that he is better off going back. I have never met another child like him and I have worked with hundreds of difficult kids in my life. He is very manipulative and he gets his way with everything.  

It has been hard on all of us, and ever since we agreed that he could go back he has changed once again. This time for the better. I think for once he realized that he is now on his own and we won't be there to bail him out of trouble when he moves back to his mother.  He made his choice and now have to live with the consequences. 

It may seem like we have given up on him, but that is something that I will never do. When it comes to a child I will never give up, and I forgive easily.  I just hope and pray that he makes the right decisions now going further.  He is young and his life may be a mess right now, but he knows that he can still count on us for guidance. I'm sure we will get a phone call or two someday, but I'm also not keeping my hopes up. 

His sister is luckily close so she can keep an eye on him, and recently came out of the closet.  Her girlfriend has a great influence on him and we hope that they would help change him into a decent human being.

Do I feel like a failure?  No I don't.  My sons turned out great and my daughter (my husband's child) adores me. I must have done something right, as the other three kids turned out quite normal, and I could never understand why he is so different, until I realized that he is a sociopath. 

I will keep on praying for him until I die, and I really hope that he has made the right decision to move back to his mother.  They have been talking more but he doesn't want to share their conversations.  

With all honesty I can say it has been very stressful with him here, and I'm sure that our lives will settle down once again after he left.  I am no longer sad about him leaving, I am just relieved.  No one will understand what we went through with him and his constant lies and deception.  

What was the most difficult thing I had to do in life?

To help raise a sociopath. A child that only cares about himself, and has no respect for anyone else. 

He is leaving in two days, and it will be hard to see him go, but in the end it will be better for all of us. I hope that he will find himself again and I honestly hope that he will live a long and happy life.   

 

 

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