Today... Still sad. Puppy fundraiser is going thank you all.

Well after a very uncomfortable night of trying to sleep..

We are back to this morning and saying our prayers. Today we get to see a beautiful world. Today we are alive.

It could definitely be worse but things are not always easy.

Working on reducing my cigarette smoking. Working on my martial arts learning material.

Working on smoking some oil and relaxing until class tomorrow.

And trying everything I can do not to remember. Which is really hard when you constantly turn around to check on most amazing individual in your life.

The van is absolutely silent. My heart breaks multiple times everyday all over again.

Ringing the tag that Zeus had around his collar helps to soothe my mind because it is so accustomed to having that in the background. which would tell me that my puppy is close at hand without me having to always look around.

everyone saying prayers and remembering such an amazing service dog is absolutely overwhelming me with gratitude. That amazing dog had touched a huge number of people.

While I am absolutely heartbroken, there is hope here that we are going to continue onward and open our hearts to another puppy. Opening your heart is one of the greatest things you can do and loving something that means it is a blessing.

seeing the news and the crazy events makes me want to hide all the more. before I was hiding so that my puppy was safe and now I am hiding so that I am safe and my life is in a protected position to be able to have a puppy.

Thank you everyone for your support and I know Zeus is absolutely trying to be a clown and let me know things will be okay. He never wanted me to be sad. And would work his best on making sure that I would smile or laugh at his antics so that I didn't have the time to be mad or sad.

The biggest blessing that he gave me was his heart. Trusting me so much that he would throw himself into danger to protect me without a single thought to his safety.

while I will never be able to replace him I will work on getting an amazing new dog so that my experience in working with this amazing breed will continue.

now a lot of people ask me why I don't just get a free dog.... Well that is definitely quite the situation in of itself.

I would be completely in the dark 2 health problems and issues. I would also be completely unaware of are the history as well as the drive..

and then on top of it having a dog as a rescue you never know if they have suffered abuse or trauma. bad habits as well as already being bonded to somebody else only to be abandoned leads to trust issues.

Getting a puppy insurance that I start with a completely clean slate. It also means that that Bond once it is established only continues to grow. And all training begins from a fresh point.

Having a dog that is bred and has a distinct history of intelligence along with a stable temperament is something that I need. I do a lot for others and I need a dog that is smart and intelligent enough to know when to relax and be cool and when I need back up and help.

I don't need a dog to defend myself I need a dog to alert me and help me with mobility. A seeing eye dog will not help... And would be more suited to being in service to someone who needs that.

However a PTSD service dog is a highly specific trained behavior.

These dogs are absolutely heroes. maybe one day I can help to spread this knowledge and help to train dogs to support suffers of PTSD.

one of the very big reasons why Zeus has helped so many other people especially those suffering from their own PTSD, is that he was extremely capable of interjecting himself and getting people to break the thought process they were currently suffering from and just be in the moment. Which a beautiful German Shepherd acting like a hilarious clown and demanding attention? It is able to bring even that most deeply affected individuals out of being imprisoned in your mind...

People suffering from PTSD have quite a bit of trust issues as well as anxiety always a consideration when you have to deal with somebody suffering.

And cannabis definitely helps in its own way however it is not something that can fix everything.

Getting as baked as I can sometimes comes with its own sting. Thinking about things more as well as remembering What good times we had.

The week-long adventures at bagby hot springs. Last summer being on a hemp farm and Zeus getting to be total free range dog...

Traveling to Wisconsin for last year's rainbow family national gathering... The guy who upset me so much because you was abusive to my dog... I was so mad because he used a butane torch to burning my puppy's paw. Man I was so furious and we ended up leaving that group and hitchhiking across Western Montana to Spokane. After that we caught a bus straight to Portland. Zeus had everybody absolutely tickled that he was traveling with me.

Our gold mining trip!!! That was absolutely amazing and everybody there thoroughly enjoyed giving him treats. And every single person there a day camp with a dog water bowl just for him. which then my dog would walk in front of everybody and start drinking out of the nasty cow pond... Hahahaha!!!

We did community service at the golden treasure show with the gold miners group and had a phenomenal time. Zeus was definitely a huge draw for the children to come over and to learn how to pan for gold. however the lunch Ladies made us the tiniest sandwich and we're so upset and grumping about how a service dog was allowed to be by my side.

how about all the times that people yelled at me for being very hard on Zeus because of his extreme amount of training, and then praise me for how attentive knowledgeable and well-trained he is....

When we were hanging out down at the Portland waterfront, people would come up and offer my dog food to eat. and then get embarrassed because they didn't know if I was hungry too... Which honestly enough I would just give my dog the food if it was something that was acceptable for him to eat. Definitely we can say that my dog for as skinny as he was was a very well fed puppy.

I went through a massive amount of stress to have my amazing service dog in my life and I would do it all over again without a hesitation just to have my little buddy back. I would fight twice as hard to protect my dog.

So it is absolutely imperative that I will love this next puppy with twice of my heart.

We have went from working as hard as we could to build a home and property for my puppy dog to run. Do now having to restart from the beginning. But it will be good. Things will get better.

These pictures today are from the half an hour of work that I had before Zeus had his medical emergency and we had to leave. absolutely beautiful greenhouse and it would have been a great couple of days of work. My friend was so worried that Zeus had gotten into something that made him sick and is completely devastated because he absolutely loved Zeus as well.

And many thanks for all of you.

He can't be replaced but his new service dog will be loved with all my heart.

Donor list

100 hive from @ thelogicaldude

100 hive from @flemingfarm

104 steem from @jonyoudyer

90 hive from @cowboyblazerfan

75 hive from @porters

34 hive from @knowhow92

23 and change from @enginewitty

10 hive from @chireerocks

All these people are adding on top of my own $1000 life savings.

Hopefully my motorcycle will sell.and add that to the pile.

Thanks from the bottom of both our hearts.

You can also directly donate to
@zeusflatsak
And that will definitely be something I can keep my eye on please remind me if you do so I can include you with the donor list.

Thank you everyone. Your votes comments shares and support have touched my heart. I appreciate it.