You and Only You: Announcing My New Tribe!

in #satire11 months ago (edited)

If you want something done right, you do it yourself!
And since I'm just like you and think I know everything, I'll just do it myself!

NoNamesLeftToUse - Wow cover.png

I've been listening to your bitching!

So I've combined your problems into something everyone can enjoy!

I've been awake for three days and I think it's time to reveal what the voices have been saying to me for the past forty-eight hours!

We want the old way back!

My tribe will include three key features!

With more to be announced when I think of them!

Key Feature Number One:
Since you don't like it when other people are on the trending page, everyone gets their own trending page!

That's right! For the first time ever, your post about those things you did yesterday and why will be a number one hit! With the push of a few buttons, you will be able to impress yourself then show all your friends and family how popular you truly are!

But that's not all!

Key Feature Number Two:
Since you don't like it when other people earn money, everyone gets to buy votes!

That's right! Now you too can sit there feeling all warm and fuzzy inside with your shiny new post that makes it appear as if you are making the big bucks!

The only way you will be able to hit that top slot of your very own trending page is if you buy votes from me since that's what you like to do and I'm the one with all the money! Isn't this exciting!

You will work your ass off to the bone! Then, when you're ready and confident enough to place your work in front of yourself and feel the success you've always thought you deserved by default, you can hand over your hard earned money to me!

I will then guarantee your new post sits above your old posts so people know that post is the best thing you've ever done!

The reward pool will issue thousands upon thousands of new tokens daily and all content producers will be excited to hear the fact not only do they get to pay me, but they also get to receive a guaranteed up to 10% profit but usually about 1% for every post they produce! Everyone gets an equal share to eliminate hard feelings and jealousy!

Since I'll always own about 95% of all the tokens, you'll never have to worry about running out of votes to buy!

All you have to do is show up, work hard, pay me, then collect your participation award!
Nobody gets left behind!

I know that sounds crazy but that's what you want and I'm going to be rich! If I'm rich, you're probably getting something, too! Isn't this exciting!

You see, in order to place your new post above your old junk so it looks nice and popular there in the number one slot, each post you publish will become more and more expensive! If you don't purchase your top slot, others will think the post is crap!

Since you'll be so busy congratulating yourself on a job well done every day, then hitting up the market again to buy more tokens for tomorrow, you won't even notice how I'm consistently selling! A stable market is a happy market!

All I need is about 1000 of you suckers to pad my wallet for the rest of my life! Plus you earn a little bit, too!

You won't want to sell yours though because those profits go right back in to purchasing more of my votes! Each vote will be cheaper and cheaper until you realize I have a lambo and you're still trying to get rich thinking this model is what everyone wanted and the tokens should moon any day now!

Key Feature Number Three:
I will set up a bot and it will randomly select three posts from the community and then publish a post automatically, under my other name, to highlight the best of the best the community has to offer! I will do this ten times each day and vote for those posts with all of my stake I've set aside in that account so you have a chance to win more visibility!

Everyone will flock to these posts since they'll appear on the Master Trending Page and I'm the big whale around these parts so people will want to get to know me! They will come to thank me for doing a good job and then maybe see your post plus they'll think I might actually vote for them for free someday just for saying nice things!

Majority of all comments will be of a positive nature and nobody will have a reason to argue anymore!

All 44000 Blacklisted Accounts Will Receive An Airdrop!

That's right! Everyone loves second chances!

Since you were all labelled spammers, scammers, and bidbot abusers, then got added to a list, it became incredibly easy for me to find the market I feel would be the most interested in this concept, and they don't know any better!

Your first post is free and then you know where to find me when it comes time to become the successful content producer you always wanted to be!

So when you receive your airdrop, simply hand that over to me and be all you want to be, plus finally have the chance to live out your wildest dreams!

There will be no downvotes!

That's right!

You'll have total freedom to do whatever you want as long as it puts money in my bank account!

So tell your friends! Tell you family and when you do, don't forget:

helpedmom.jpeg

That's right! I helped your mom!
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Disclaimer: Bullshit! This entire thing, from top to bottom and everything in between was bullshit! It's even tagged as 'satire' and that's because it's bullshit! Nobody in their right mind would be able to pull off such bullshit and if you were actually interested, you need to go to the hospital and have your bullshit detector re-calibrated before you lose everything including the house, car, children, and cat. I'm not making a new tribe. I'm not airdropping any tokens. I'm not planning on scamming anyone out of anything. I just wanted to write a goddamn joke today! Again! This was ALL BULLSHIT!

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Credits:
Youtube video linked to source.
All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me.
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All content within this blog is 100% organic ACTUAL CONTENT and contains no paid vote additives!

"The truth is stranger than fiction."

© 2019 @NoNamesLeftToUse.  All rights reserved.

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hmm think mine will be better, every blogger must buy votes and curators only earn by downvoting
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Holy moly. That's a great idea! Then set up an account with more stake that sells votes only to those who've been downvoted!

working on it lol

Your selfless righteousness is a glowing example for the rest of us to follow.

Bullshit is such a common commodity, I have sheep shit and alpaca shit to offer if that helps.

You're welcome!

How much for the sheep shit? Is it manure or pure?

Oh I can get it fresh. Maybe not straight out of the sheep, (they are a bit skittish) but it can still be steaming from the pile. The alpaca is nicer in that she drops directly in piles that are super easy to scoop.

I have wanted to start a shipping business of shipping shit. You have heard of the "ship confetti to friends" scheme? Well, yeah. Ship shit to your friends or enemies. It's just sheep or alpaca shit so you can then toss it on a house plant and fertilize from a shitty delivery,

It's interesting how alpacas seem to know we enjoy it when they keep their droppings organized.

Being a shit shipper sounds like a good gig. And that would be a nice gift for sure. Just think of all the cool things you can grow in that shit.

I grow produce and I have thought about stuffing a seed in the shit bean and then a person has a little waiting garden in a box. Even city dwellers can have a little shitty food farm in their apartment.

The advertising slogan...
"Your friend sent you some shitty food!"

Shitty food farms is the wave of the future.

Can I pay you with pennies? If so, I'm super down for this. My personal trending page is going to be amazing.

It's kind of strange that so many are crying about the loss of that old system. Aside from the price of Steem, things seem better now than they have been since I got here.

I feel like the picture at the bottom should read "I licked your mom". It still functions as the same insult as "I fucked your mom" but it's way more creepy which makes it impactful.

Pennies are fine, as long as they're not Canadian pennies, because we don't have those anymore.

Things got better for a lot of folks. Hopefully it gains momentum now. If more folks are earning and powering up, in time, a lot more votes of value can circulate. Hopefully see some news faces as well playing the curator only role, since it pays well.

I didn't lick your mom though...

Yeah, I know. No one really wants to touch her since she got that disease.

Yeah, I know. No one
Really wants to touch her since
She got that disease.

                 - artisticscreech


I'm a bot. I detect haiku.

Wow.

Who knew creepy insults could be so profoundly poetic!

There's a first time for everything I guess!

Hope you sent this out to the outside world.. ie Facebook / Twitter / YouTube etc.. oh and.. dont forget to remove the disclaimer for those peeps!

LOL! Well if it worked for Steemit... Why not!

Selling all my other tokens and steem because I'm going to be a whale in your tribe.

Wait, did you mention what the hell it will be called? mytribe? yourmom?

I'm going call it Entitled and you're not allowed to be a whale there, only me.

If I can't be a whale, fuck your tribe! I'm switching to NEOXOU812
I want to be a whale and you can't stop me!

Don't you realize how fast the token value would plummet if there were more large stake holders in on it and selling votes! That would be insanity!
See what I did there?

Fine then, I'll make my own tribe so I can protect my own token value.
I'm going to call it notokenslefttouse.

Did they take all the damn token names already?!?!!?

Make this conversation your first post.
II will Trend all on its own.

I have created an upvote bot for your tribe that finds plagiarized content and votes upon it and automatically sets the beneficiary of 90 percent of the payout back to the bot, which will be distributed equally to yo and myself.

Go forth 44,000 and trawl the internet for the best you can steal and claim as your own.

Damn! It's like I'm already on vacation and haven't even started! Thanks!

Now, there is just the question of loading the bot with a percentage of your 95%
If you DM me your private keys in Discord I can organise it all for you.

Can I just put the keys here? I don't use Discord.

Sure. I will keep them safe.

I can't find my keys.

You passed the first rule of Tribe Club

Don't piss on the seat?

I'm sending you all my money. Right now. !BEER

Spent all your money on beer again, huh? Well, I guess that works... thanks for your money, here's your vote, and you even get to keep some of it!!!!!!!!!!
*I get nearly all of it, plus what you paid me, and you'll be back tomorrow.

and you'll be back tomorrow.

👍 see ya then

Sick, waiting for my blacklist drop!

One of these days!

Great work 🤗

Posted using Partiko Android

Great comment!

The leeches only feed because the host was alive and willing

Most people with any sense of reality realized bid bots are a scam. However I suspect some morons think it is sustainable and universal. In a contained environment they die quickly and cannot be profitable. Its about as dumb as putting a fan on a sail boat and pointing it at the sail.

...

My next project to satirize is these vote subscribers schemes that everyone thinks are super awesome (its elegant vote trading and buying).

If they truly think it's sustainable, then I challenge them to set up a tribe and just do it like that. Of course the one at the top will earn. That's the idea! LOL! Everyone else is just a pawn.

I don't understand what is so appealing about subscribing to a vote or signing up to get guaranteed votes, whatever. I get that it's money but if you look closely, those who focus mainly on shortcuts like that often don't get much more and their comment sections are barren wastelands full of spam.

The easiest way to get paid here is to impress people who vote, and now there's far more of those voters than there has been in years, with more to come. A good time to focus on your craft.

I agree. Some of the schemes are quickly goig extinct and most of them are outdated. Unfortunately for some, the tricks you mention that are best now require a bit of brain.

I remember when Jerry said he'd give 100% upvotes to something like 4000 people. I saw many jump in, not realizing ALL voters can only do 10 votes per day like that. I saw one lady promoting it everywhere she could talk, not realizing she was lowering her chances of earning with each member she helped. People hear free money! They put their brains down, forget to ask questions, and, yeah...

Jerry gives me upvotes. I subscribed and someone went crazy flagging me for a while because I said I gave jerry my junk mail address. I think out of all the people on Steem, he was one of the more unstable flaggers I've met and he was doing it well before it was cool.

You got in on that deal? Is there any meat left on the bone? I assumed the voting power would be drained by now. And I think I know which flagger you're talking about. We had our moments as well.

For the first couple of weeks it was sweet. Now he has powered down most of it, a lot of the delegations are gone and the vote isn't worth much because he is using up so much vp and volting while low so it is inefficient.

That's what I expected and in typical scammer Jerry fashion, he left out those details, and accepted all the praise. Steemit's biggest snake oil salesman right there. He conned a lot of people.

The easiest way to get paid here is to impress people who vote

Basically write to earn votes....write about Steemit, write what people will vote on. That's unfortunately Steem's undoing. A load of people with very little integrity congratulating each other voting on what they agree with .....
A bit like this post!

I've been experimenting lately. People voted for this post. It's not about Steemit. Satire/general entertainment. My previous post a big experiment with art. Tried another one similar a few days before that. Not taking any flak. Published a lengthy post with three short stories about my life, presented in a creative fashion recently. That seemed to do okay.

I hear a lot of folks bitching or whatever. I still just do my own thing. I don't care what everyone else does. I wrote the other day in this post:
https://steemit.com/steem/@nonameslefttouse/the-myth-says-there-s-no-market-on-steem-for-content-that-isn-t-about-crypto-and-steem
...about how pointless it is to actually do the things you're saying people do.

Anyone with SP is someone who votes. Not impressing anyone is probably the worst thing anyone could do here. It looks like you impressed a few folks with your "Wemyss Bay Station and Ferry Terminal" post. You weren't just 'telling people what they want to hear.' Most of us just do our thing, like that, and some are impressed, so they vote. Impressing someone with a vote worth a penny is just as important as impressing someone with a vote worth $10. No point in producing content if you don't have an impressed viewership.

Anyway, carry on.

? I quoted you and now you backtrack? lol
Carry on. I will stick with integrity over reward fishing :-)

But I will ask. Is this place about Proof of Brain or Proof of stake? No one seems able to agree.

That's not backtracking. I was providing more context because it seems you were misinterpreting my statement.

Did you come here to be an asshole to me? Is there an integrity issue? Do you think I'll sit and write and joke or spend hours working on digital art just to fish for rewards, when I'm not even sure if people will have fun with the joke or enjoy what they see before I publish it?

Is there something brainless about how I've been producing and presenting my work to the public here for the past three years?

Why are you here, Nathen007? If you're here just to be an ass, you can kindly remove your ass, because I don't want to spend time on your ass, under a comedy post.

Did you come here to be an asshole to me?

Was that a satirical comment too? It does however make my point that people here only like people who agree with them! Maybe we should alter Proof of Stake to Proof of Sycophant.

I don't find you funny. Never have, but I do admire you doing your own shit and not falling into the trap of writing for views. This wasn't satire, it was just sneering. There is a big difference. It's so odd that you of all people should accuse someone else who speaks their mind of being an ass!!

Enjoy the plaudits. It's a happy world where everyone agrees with each other. (that was irony, but writing 'that was irony' is sneering)

So there you go, being an ass some more.

I don't care if you don't find me funny. Thanks for admiring my approach. If you don't think it's satire, that's fine. You are being an ass. So what.

Thank you for your time. Have a good day.

Damn that is funny. Entertainment at it's best and bullshit at no extra charge. LOL

Money talks and bullshit walks.

I hope you’re planning on 10,000% inflation. You’re going to need a lot of those to distribute.

Don't worry! I'll adjust it on the fly any time I'm short on change!



Hey @nonameslefttouse, here is a little bit of BEER for you. Enjoy it!

People with 0 steem power will also be able to do $100 upvotes!! Its a winner! :)

All they have to do is hand over that air drop! Then they'll get maybe 5% I dunno in return and will be able to start their blogging journey with post two and a few bucks in my wallet! It'll create huge demand until about the 99th post! Then they're just hamsters running on a wheel, making me rich with every spin!

Key feature 2 was really long, kind of lost the explanation in happy ranting, which I guess makes it the perfect marketing spiel? XD

That's the oldest trick in the book! Confuse people into thinking it's good!

Hahaha!!!!! Good one. Not sure what direction is going to grow this platform now. But we will see.

I'm liquidating my weedcash for sure.

I don't reveal my plans too much these days when it comes to all these tokens. Learned a lot though. There must be more money coming in than going out and it must be in as many hands as possible, which I why I like this concept of paying curators, because nowhere else in the entertainment industry can one spend money once to donate forever, plus get paid to be entertained.

Thanks for helping my mom. Your tribe sounds great, when can i buy it o steem engin3 and use to earn more tokens upon no one will buy it after a month? 😯

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Your mom deserves the help after putting up with you for so many years. HA! Zing! I'm just joking. As for the rest of what you said: I think your mom needs to come and fix some typos for you.
zing!

Typos me no know

Posted using Partiko Android

😯

sorry out of liquid cash to participate...

Well you better have some money by Friday! Or else...

You sound like an infomercial and a drug dealer all at the same time....lol!

That takes a lot of concentration and years of training in order to be able to pull it off.

What you just described seemed so reminiscent of Steem 2018. Not really bullshit, just satire.

I know...

LOL! More of an honest advertisement from those days.

All 44000 Blacklisted Accounts Will Receive An Airdrop!
That's right! Everyone loves second chances!

Sheesh @nonameslefttouse.

After reading carefully the entire plot of this plan and cautiously dissecting the true scope of the ROI analyzing in major depth the feasibility that this tribe project would become a reality and instant success in the act, all I can say is:

«-KLTPZYXM-»

Nobody in their right mind would be able to pull off such bullshit...

Ah! C'mon pal!! ¿Really? after your contagious enthusiasm describing it in such glamorous and charming detail ...now, I am not so sure!! };p

LOL! Go ahead and try it! All those wanting the paid votes could have an entire system of all paid votes and no audience if that's truly what they want. Most know it unsustainable, which is why they complain a lot, but don't actually go and make their own platform.

LOL! Go ahead and try it!

Yeah! gotta polish my begging skills and whale ass kissing to the fullest to obtain gigantic & succulent SP delegations first. Then we are done!!

And of course, don't worry mate. You will also have a slice of this socko cake. Because I will have to name you honorary chieftain and advisor of this future tribe with a minimal symbolic wage for having been the father of the idea. :)

I like this new tribe...

WOW! Finally a place I will fit right in! My tending page will be the best! I forgot to mention, is it possible to get on the blacklist now to get the airdrop?

ALL ON BOARD

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LOL! Yes! It's never too late. Just go snag some pics online, say you took them, write some nonsensical words about ducks for no reason, then stack every paid vote in existence upon that post and show everyone how smart you are!

That's right! I helped your mom!

Thank goodness, she needed some help!

Also, you still didn’t do it right - I want a tribe where only cool people are and STEEM is worth $10.. because you know, all the cool people will actually care about the price 🙂

I’ll come back when you get that done.. don’t take too long. Mmmkaay, thanks!! 🍪

I'm a mother helper.

Maybe I'll add in your suggestions and call those key features as well. Those seem like viable options.

See! This is why a community is a good thing to have! For now! Soon enough, with my new tribe, we won't need it, and people will do well without consumers!

Your disclaimer ruined everything... Otherwise, I couldn't stop reading. !organduo 500

@nonameslefttouse you have received 500 ORGANDUO from organduo!
Trade the tokens on Steem Engine or send them to @organduo.voter with post in memo for an upvote!


This tip bot is powered by witness untersatz!

LOL! I'm sorry I had to go and ruin everything...

Congratulations @nonameslefttouse!
Your post was mentioned in the Steem Hit Parade in the following category:

  • Comments - Ranked 1 with 90 comments

If this is bullshit then I am in, sho me where to throw the money!

The stage with the pole is almost ready and the fancy dancing ladies are on their way. Soon we'll be chanting Tribe Connect! And the money will fall from the sky!

Treeeeeeee-iiiiiibe connnnect!!!!

I love a good SkyFall!

 11 months ago Reveal Comment